| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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My new man's sex drive is just so not on a par with mine and I think his deep love & affection for me is adversely affecting his sex drive!
Q. I was in a dysfunctional relationship for almost 8 years, I have to confess that is was largely because the sex was good, I was 33 when I met him and for the first time I was able to orgasm through penetrative sex and I guess I got addicted. My ...
A. 24 July 2013: " In the beginning when the subject of sex came up he told me he liked sex alot"
He can like it a lot, yet not want it all the time. Not wanting it often doesn't mean he isn't really enjoying it when he is in the mood for it. But his drive is... (read in full...)
What do guys visualise during sex?
Q. Hi just a quick qn about men and sex! Sorry if its crude :-) Sometimes when I have sex with my boyfriend and he is behind me doing all the work doggy style I look back and he has his eyes open. Then when I am on top doing the work he keeps hi...
A. 22 July 2013: Oh, you've really got a bad case of insecurity! No, he's not thinking about other women just because he close his eyes sometimes during sex! He's enjoying himself, and you, and the sex. That's what he's doing. He's probably not imagining anything, ... (read in full...)
Decided to end the relationship then he sprung a trip on me
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I have not been happy for quite a while and I finally made the decision to finish the relationship when I was on a short vacation with my family last week. However, I got back to find out he has ...
A. 22 July 2013: You shouldn't pay him back, if was a gift. You don't pay back for gifts. That's one. You don't owe him or his family anything, it was a gift. End of that.
As for whether or not to break up with him, what if the situation was reversed? If I was in... (read in full...)
My mother is dating a man the same age as my fiance, who on top of everything is rude and pokes fun at my fiance's height
Q. My mother is turning 60 next year but she is dating (secretly she thinks but everyone knows) a man the same age as my 35 year old husband to be. I'm 29 and I think a 35 year old is an acceptable age for my future husband. I do not think my almost 6...
A. 22 July 2013: Stop looking for approval from a woman who clearly shows that she lacks the judgement to approve of anything. And then stand your ground if they make rude comments. Tell them to leave your house if they are rude. Just kick them out! No reason why ... (read in full...)
Is this relationship as good as it gets?
Q. I am 27 (28 next week) and I'm scared I will never have a good relationship in my life. I have had several boyfriend's throughout my life, but none of the relationships have ever been that good. I have been with my current boyfriend for 3 ...
A. 21 July 2013: Your friends are seriously bad role models! I understand why you are confused if you're expecting more or if this is as good as it gets, when you've got nothing "good" to look up to. None of your friends sound like they are in good relationship, ... (read in full...)
She's been acting her age and it's getting on my nerves
Q. ive been with my girlfriend just over a month now, shes 17 and im 20 shell be 18 in december. we were friends before we got together and everythings been great. shes my first ever girlfriend and its been great but now im having thoughts of leaving ...
A. 21 July 2013: You can't keep your exes as friends. That's a very naive thought. Maybe some, a very few, can be friends. But it's unusual. And it happens looooong after the break up, once people have moved on and are in other relationships, like years later. But ... (read in full...)
How do I distinguish the losers from the keepers? And how do I tell a keeper I want to wait before having sex?
Q. I have relationship problems, how do i trust a guy when i have been hurt by the ones i thought i could trust? Every guy i am suposed to be friends with decide they want in my pants or want to be in a relationship. I dont flirt with guys, I just love ...
A. 19 July 2013: Just to add this: every boy your age will see contact with an attractive girls as an opportunity for sex. Ever guy. Being friendly = lets have sex. Thats just how guys think. They dont want girls for friends, certainly not at your age. So just stop ... (read in full...)
Love is just something I really want to have, but it seems that it works out for everyone else except me.
Q. I am turning 21 and I have never kissed a girl. I think about this all the time, and it makes me really uncomfortable. I am literally the only one among my friends/people my age I've met, and I feel isolated. People tell me I'm a great guy and girls ...
A. 18 July 2013: You need to ask out a lot more girls than just two. And you need to not fear rejection. So what if they say no to a date? There are more women in the world. Next! Ask out another. With experience and failure you will learn the tricks and how to ... (read in full...)
He couldn't get it up our first time together!
Q. I'm 31 and I went on my third date with a new guy (37) last night. We have known each other for about a month, but started dating just last week. The night went great and we had a lot of fun. We stayed up really late and he ended up spending the ...
A. 16 July 2013: There's not really that many reasons why a man can't get it up. Erectile dysfunction, or he's nervous. Basically that's it. In either case, it's got nothing to do with how the woman looks. It'd be one thing if he was rock hard the one minute, then ... (read in full...)
Does my girlfriend's watching porn reflect badly on me?
Q. Hi. I was helping my GF to get rid of laptop software problems. I told her there might be some malware on it and it hence needs to be scanned. She got a nervous about that and after digging deeper I found out she was watching some porn on the web ...
A. 14 July 2013: No, it didn't have anything to do with you. Her hiding it and being nervous about it just tells me that she's been shamed for it in the past. Probably someone she cared about told her it was slutty or "bad" to watch porn. And because of this she's ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is completely broken up by the loss of his brother
Q. My boyfriend had a 7 year old brother whom he was extremely close to (the child's father wasn't in his life) about a week ago the boy died from heart problems. Since then, my boyfriend has hardly said a word and hasn't eaten anything and sits...
A. 13 July 2013: It is called grieving. Let him cry. Let him grieve. Dont try to make him do anything else please, its just been a week! Arent you feeling the need to mourn yourself, or are you detatched from it all?... (read in full...)
For the men who use porn, why don't you think of your girlfriend when masturbating?
Q. I'm not sure if this has been asked before but here goes those men who use porn when they have a girlfriend, why don't you think of your girlfriend when masturbating? Surely you find them the most attractive so what's it all about, we need this ...
A. 12 July 2013: This HAS indeed been asked so many times that it's gotten boring. And the answer is quite simple, really. Just because YOU wouldn't look at porn, or understand why others do, doesn't mean you are right and they are wrong. People are wired ... (read in full...)
Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?
Q. Can a married man love his wife and mistress at the same time?...
A. 12 July 2013: Yes.... (read in full...)
My b/f only wants to talk when things are good
Q. Dear Cupid My bf of 3 years talks to me only when im happy and hv no problems @ work or anywhere else. He stops talking and avoids me when i have problems. I am not a complainer but once in a while i want someone atleast to listen to my problems. ...
A. 10 July 2013: This is not normal behaviour for a boyfriend who is supposed to care. You do nothing wrong, but he doesnt sound as if he is serious about you, ir cares that much really. A person who cares will want to know how you are and help you. Instead he just ... (read in full...)
After first time sex that I thought we both enjoyed, the next morning he tells me my behind smells!
Q. Ok so I started seeing this guy and we dig each other. The other night we had sex for the first time and everything was going well.... we had amazing sexual chemistry and couldn't keep out hands off each other. Throughout the night he kept telling ...
A. 7 July 2013: He sounds like an idiot. What man doesn't have the courtesy to keep quiet about things like that, if indeed your butt did smell? Why was he sticking his nose up your butt for, I wonder. Of course you smell, everyone has natural odour. But if he ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my mental block towards women?
Q. Hello Cupid, I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I can’t deny I have issues with women. All my life I’ve been rejected by girls and I just grew tired of it. By about mid college I stopped going after girls and just kept to myself. I’ve nev...
A. 7 July 2013: Your relationship with your friends says a lot more about you than you perhaps think. Friendship and relationship isn't that different. A girlfriend also needs to be your friend, someone you can talk to, share things with, want to do things with. If ... (read in full...)
Do dumpers always remember the bad memories after they break up with someone?
Q. Sorry, my story is a bit long. My ex of three years dumped me for no reason five months ago. He then had no contact after we split up. I'm still suffering from the pain and always wonder where went wrong. We were so in love and talked about ...
A. 7 July 2013: "We were so in love and talked about marriage. We constantly fought before the breakup"
Doesn't that give you the reason why he broke up with you? Constant fighting does that to a relationship.
"Trust was always a big issue between us becau... (read in full...)
He's my boyfriend, but he's posting pictures of some other beach beauty. Am I overreacting?
Q. My boyfriend recently took a series of 3 pictures of a girl on the beach that he posted to his blog. When I saw them, it made me really angry. I told him I didn't like the photos and thought it was being creepy and inconsiderate of my feelings. He ...
A. 6 July 2013: Did he take pictures of her in particular? Or did she just happen to be in them? If he took pictures of her precisely, and then posted them online, then that's actually illegal. At least in Norway it is illegal to publish/post pictures of anyone ... (read in full...)
Why is it the people that you find VERY attractive never feel the same way towards you, yet the people you don't find attractive obsess over you?
Q. Why is it the people that you find VERY attractive never feel the same way towards you, yet the people you don't find attractive obsess over you? Does anyone else get this? ...
A. 6 July 2013: Eh, yes, this happened to me all the time until I found a man that I found very attractive who thought I was mutually attractive. Thing is, when that happens, people sort of get married. And, by the looks of how many get married (love marriages, not ... (read in full...)
Would you change your religion for love?
Q. Ok,this is probably not the smartest question, having been spurred by the vision of a Sex and the City rerun, but I'd be curious to know the opinion of my esteemed DC colleagues and readers : would you change religion for love ? why, or why not ...
A. 6 July 2013: I wiuldn't, at least I dont think si. But I haven't been in that situation. However Ive seen soooo many norwegian girls dressed up in burkas lately, so I know some definitely DO convert, even to the point of having to change more than just a ... (read in full...)
How can I overcome my mental block towards women?
Q. Hello Cupid, I’ll try to make this as short as possible. I can’t deny I have issues with women. All my life I’ve been rejected by girls and I just grew tired of it. By about mid college I stopped going after girls and just kept to myself. I’ve nev...
A. 6 July 2013: I strongly advise you to seek out a therapist, because you need to talk this through with someone, and not just people online.. We can only say so much, but what is best for you I think is to talk this through with someone. Not just one ... (read in full...)
She asked me to take her home but then wound up blowing me off. I thought it was rude!
Q. I met a girl in a bar last week and we hit it off - I am 25 and she is 22. I gave her my number and she got in touch with me. We had dinner on Tuesday and she said it was the nicest date she ever had. I stayed at her house after and took to work...
A. 5 July 2013: I think you're playing too hard to get. Really. You are trying for mind games and such things are for young immature teenagers, not adults. She told you she was okay and could go home with someone else, and then you got snubbed and just said you'd ... (read in full...)
Just left an abusive relationship; will love ever feel good?
Q. About 18 months ago, I was in a vulnerable place, struggling to recover from some severe depression and anxiety issues which had landed me in the hospital for a bit. I was lonely, and desperately wanted to know what love really felt like; I wanted ...
A. 4 July 2013: " Then I will likely only be living in that location for one to three years, which is surely too short to find a long-term partner."
You're being too pessimistic. People fall in and out of love before a year has passed even, and then people d... (read in full...)
My disabled partner is not able to satisfy my sexually and its causing problems of frustration and trust. Please help?
Q. My fiancee is disabled and cannot make love as often as I'd like to. His back pain severely restricts what he can do and how often. I have a very high sex drive so I find this a real challenge. I am ok to deal with it day by day while sober but the ...
A. 4 July 2013: Cheating is just a cowardly way to end the relationship. So, if you are tempted to cheat and have sex with other men, why don't you do just that? Break up with your boyfriend, and then go and have all the sex you want? What is the problem? Either ... (read in full...)
I didn't realize what I had until it was gone
Q. Hi All, Hope someone can give me some advice. I was with my live in boyfriend for a year and a half. For the most part it was wonderful (we were inseparable) but when we got in arguments they were intense and I would find myself saying mean thin...
A. 3 July 2013: " Now this week he is saying he can't do it. What caused this change of heart in a few days?"
There was no change. This is how he's felt all along. He just said you needed to give him time to get you off his back, to keep you at arms length. ... (read in full...)
Wife don't have a job and doesn't like to cook or clean the house.
Q. I've dated my wife for almost 10 years before we got married for 5 years, ever since I met her she never have a job. Reason I like about her was she was very old school like my mom and I thought she would make a great mom one day and she's very ...
A. 3 July 2013: I have to say, I wonder why you thought she would change after marriage. You dated her for ten years prior to marrying her, you knew very well what she was like. It is unreasonable to expect her to change just because you married her. She didn't ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend has a strange issue with food?
Q. This is probably a rather weird question, but I was at a BBQ with my girlfriend, and the food was being served to us. Someone handed her a plate, and it had a small amount of corn on it. She freaked out, refused to look at it, and asked me to remove ...
A. 3 July 2013: Sounds like a phobia. They are often weird. And people can genuinely have phobias for everything. There's some people who have phobia for knees even. Wonder how they make it through the summer.
So your girlfriend gets panic attacks from corn. Ok... (read in full...)
Just left an abusive relationship; will love ever feel good?
Q. About 18 months ago, I was in a vulnerable place, struggling to recover from some severe depression and anxiety issues which had landed me in the hospital for a bit. I was lonely, and desperately wanted to know what love really felt like; I wanted ...
A. 2 July 2013: You were in an abusive relationship. An abusive and dysfunctional relationship. We call them dysfunctional, because they are not the sort of FUNCTIONAL relationships people should be in. Meaning, there has to be functional relationships too, right? ... (read in full...)
How can we wear these corsets?
Q. Hello ladies of DearCupid! I have a question for you all. My friend and I have a costume party coming up and we are wearing corsets as tops. These are fun corsets not proper lace ups to change our shape. The issue is we bought them online a...
A. 26 June 2013: I wear a singlet top under some of my corsets (fake corsets too). Otherwise they tend to slide down and reveal just too much as I move. Alternatively you could find a nice bra or lingerie that matches the corset, so that it will still look good even ... (read in full...)
PMS blues. Should I talk to my mom?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 years old, and I suffer from awful PMS. I've had my period for about two years now, and despite hours of research, I can't seem to find any information on how to aid my symptoms. I get severe breast tenderness. I can't even wear a shirt ...
A. 26 June 2013: You should talk to your doctor about these discomforts before you jump ahead to think you must have birth control pills and before you start thinking about how much they will cost. Birth control pills are inexpensive, to tell you the truth. Even ... (read in full...)
He gave me chlamydia and wasn't upfront with me about it. Is withholding information the same as lying?
Q. I'm 3 months pregnant and through the series of required blood tests, I tested positive for chlamydia. Totally shocked, I told my bf what the doc said and asked if there was anything he needed to tell me (I tested negative at my last visit in ...
A. 26 June 2013: I took a look at your question this morning, but as I started typing an answer I realized it was getting too long and I would be late for work. So I gave it all day to think about it and formulate this answer.
You're focusing on the wrong th... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f alone for a night to go out with my friends? No males are invited!
Q. Hi. Currently I’m away at my uni town, and am planning on going home for 2 weeks with my boyfriend who is from my uni town. A group of my best/longest friends from home want to meet up, but they don’t want any boys to be there. One of the girls I’...
A. 25 June 2013: I would find it rude if my boyfriend left me alone, ditched, to go out with his friends. But that is because he still, like all my exes, needs to practice thinking in "we"-terms and not just about himself. If only he would tell me his plans in GOOD ... (read in full...)
Do I leave my b/f alone for a night to go out with my friends? No males are invited!
Q. Hi. Currently I’m away at my uni town, and am planning on going home for 2 weeks with my boyfriend who is from my uni town. A group of my best/longest friends from home want to meet up, but they don’t want any boys to be there. One of the girls I’...
A. 24 June 2013: I can tell you this much, if the situation was reversed your boyfriend wouldn't even think twice about going out with his mates. He wouldn't even have the courtesy to ask you if it was okay, or to inform you in good time. Oh no, the male approach to ... (read in full...)
Our sexual relationship is all just one sided. Is this right?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 24months or 2years and in that time we both have not had sex. We are each others 'first' boyfriend/girlfriend, we started dating in our 20s and both virgins. Though we have not h...
A. 24 June 2013: So the problem is cultural, it seems. In addition to her being.. I guess immature, childish. She thinks a penis is ugly and is SCARED of it. In what world is that normal? It is unnatural to have such a reaction to a penis. I wonder if her parents ... (read in full...)
Our sexual relationship is all just one sided. Is this right?
Q. Hi, I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 24months or 2years and in that time we both have not had sex. We are each others 'first' boyfriend/girlfriend, we started dating in our 20s and both virgins. Though we have not h...
A. 23 June 2013: First off, you are having sex. You're not having intercourse, but you are having sex. Oral sex is sex. Hand jobs, touching, that's sex too. Even kissing can be considered sex. You've just not had intercourse. And why not? You didn't tell us why. ... (read in full...)
Will I measure up OK for upcoming one-night stand?
Q. Hi, my mates girlfriend is coming to visit him in a week (she lives in another city) and we are going clubbing when she comes, she is bringing her mate with her to set her up with me (just for a one night stand), now I'm just a bit anxious as I ...
A. 23 June 2013: When I read these posts I always wonder where you guys get it from.
Oh yeah, she'll be terribly disappointed, she was expecting a horses dick for her one night stand, don't every woman?
Seriously, unless your friend was bragging about h... (read in full...)
I think I'm too short to get a date!
Q. I'm terribly short for a man - 62 inches / 157 cm. I never thought of it as a problem until I was 18 and people started pointing out that women prefer tall men. I work out, so much so that recently I've lost about 20 lbs and I'm in the best ...
A. 23 June 2013: "I'm too shy to approach women because I'm certain I'll be rejected"
That's your basic problem, not your hight. Seriously, all the women I know of have, at one point or the other, dated men shorter than them. In none of the cases was his hight th... (read in full...)
My new man's sex drive is just so not on a par with mine and I think his deep love & affection for me is adversely affecting his sex drive!
Q. I was in a dysfunctional relationship for almost 8 years, I have to confess that is was largely because the sex was good, I was 33 when I met him and for the first time I was able to orgasm through penetrative sex and I guess I got addicted. My ...
A. 23 June 2013: I don't think there's any psychological explanation for this, like him being too much of a "good guy" or something like that. I think he just lacks the sex drive. He's happy with once every two weeks. That's enough for him. His need is less than ... (read in full...)
My oily skin is ruining my life and my makeup! Please help!
Q. Hi its not really a relationship problem but more of a skin thing. Basically I have seriously oily skin! Like literally you could fry chips on my face, fit or what!! Anyway, I've always had oily skin to a degree but nothing too major thats its ...
A. 23 June 2013: Go see a dermatologist. Then all your problems will be fixed. And if you think it is expensive, remember all the money you put into make-up (which is quite a lot). ... (read in full...)
How much, if any, of the insurance money I got after my father passed away should I be expected to give to my guardian?
Q. Hey everybody I'm getting $37,000 from insurance because my dad passed away, and I live with a guardian. I've been living with her for a year. How much should I give her because I know she wants some of it, she asked me if I was gonna give her...
A. 22 June 2013: None. It's your inheritance, not your guardians. Ask your guardian how much she will give you once she inherits anything.
Why does your guardian know how much you will inherit? How does she know you will inherit anything at all? Leave her out ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose him, but either way I surely will once my B/f finds out about my wild, reckless past. What do I do now?
Q. When I was at university, I was a little wild. I had quite a few one night stands and had a fling with another girl. I even had a few threesomes, and swapped my boyfriend with a another girl ,who knew what I was like and was open sexual too, for a ...
A. 22 June 2013: Just for information, I've been on the other side of the fence when a former boyfriend started spilling the beans. I was perfectly content knowing his "number" (even though I think he lied and added 5+ more people..). But then the started telling me ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose him, but either way I surely will once my B/f finds out about my wild, reckless past. What do I do now?
Q. When I was at university, I was a little wild. I had quite a few one night stands and had a fling with another girl. I even had a few threesomes, and swapped my boyfriend with a another girl ,who knew what I was like and was open sexual too, for a ...
A. 22 June 2013: I don't know why you think you will lose him, or why you think he will "find out" either. You're not carrying a deep, dark secret. You had sex before, he knows you're not a virgin, right? And as long as you don't go telling lies it's all good. ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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