| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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I don't want to lose him, but either way I surely will once my B/f finds out about my wild, reckless past. What do I do now?
Q. When I was at university, I was a little wild. I had quite a few one night stands and had a fling with another girl. I even had a few threesomes, and swapped my boyfriend with a another girl ,who knew what I was like and was open sexual too, for a ...
A. 22 June 2013: Just for information, I've been on the other side of the fence when a former boyfriend started spilling the beans. I was perfectly content knowing his "number" (even though I think he lied and added 5+ more people..). But then the started telling me ... (read in full...)
I don't want to lose him, but either way I surely will once my B/f finds out about my wild, reckless past. What do I do now?
Q. When I was at university, I was a little wild. I had quite a few one night stands and had a fling with another girl. I even had a few threesomes, and swapped my boyfriend with a another girl ,who knew what I was like and was open sexual too, for a ...
A. 22 June 2013: I don't know why you think you will lose him, or why you think he will "find out" either. You're not carrying a deep, dark secret. You had sex before, he knows you're not a virgin, right? And as long as you don't go telling lies it's all good. ... (read in full...)
Music is my life, but I hate being in a band with these guys
Q. Dear aunts, This isn't a romantic relationship question, but I hope you can help me. I'm really torn up and upset about this. well, it's that I play the guitar in a band. Music has been my absolute life for a long time and I always LONGED to...
A. 22 June 2013: "It makes me angry to see all these things that they left me out of, plastered all over Facebook, of them having a good time and not caring about me, my well being, if I'm alone or in my room alone crying. It's rude, it's heartless, it's cruel."
... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't make me cum so I took care of myself but he woke up and caught me and is angry!
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Bf and me have an ok sex life... he gets it anytime he wants, but since he works so many hours I do not initiate(I pounce on his days off) and let him rest during the work days. i never cum unless I touch myself, but h...
A. 21 June 2013: " I Feel so ashamed. "
Do NOT let him shame you. It'll make it near impossible for you to enjoy masturbation and difficult to reach an orgasm, if all you think about is how ashamed he made you feel.
You did NOTHING wrong!!! So yeah, there was ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't make me cum so I took care of myself but he woke up and caught me and is angry!
Q. Hello aunts and uncles Bf and me have an ok sex life... he gets it anytime he wants, but since he works so many hours I do not initiate(I pounce on his days off) and let him rest during the work days. i never cum unless I touch myself, but h...
A. 21 June 2013: You are too soft on your boyfriend. How dare he gets upset? You have every right to masturbate. And how dare he feel inadequate? He was the one you were turned on by! And how dare he feel surprised, he knows from before that he can not make you ... (read in full...)
Tissue problem when giving oral!
Q. I love pleasing my wife orally. However, there's often some tissue remnants. just small bits which is really off putting. Blokes, is this common? How do you deal with it in the moment? Ladies, how can I broach this with her?...
A. 20 June 2013: I'm also thinking she washes up before going to bed with you. It's good manners to wash up before you let someone go down there, during the day you accumulate quite a bit of sweat and it'll taste nasty unless washed. When peeing there's not much ... (read in full...)
Help!! Who do I choose? The one who makes me his world or the one who gives me goosebumps?
Q. I have to choose between two men. #1 is kind, loving, considerate, caring, sweet, faithful, would do anything for me and makes me the centre of his universe. BUT he is boring, predictable there is no chemistry or spark between us and the sex is d...
A. 20 June 2013: My thought is just that if you can't decide, then it is because neither is good enough. If one guy was absolutely amazing and perfect for you, in your eyes, you wouldn't ask the question. But since BOTH guys are just mediocre, you can't make up your ... (read in full...)
Help!! Who do I choose? The one who makes me his world or the one who gives me goosebumps?
Q. I have to choose between two men. #1 is kind, loving, considerate, caring, sweet, faithful, would do anything for me and makes me the centre of his universe. BUT he is boring, predictable there is no chemistry or spark between us and the sex is d...
A. 20 June 2013: Neither. Like you said, both of them together have what you want. But separately neither is good enough. Bettest to wait until someone who has it ALL comes along. Until then, enjoy sex with nr 2, but make no committments. And let the boring shoe ... (read in full...)
In the western culture... who pays the bill on a date?
Q. Hi Dearcupid, I came from asian background and i was on the dating website. Recently i meet a guy on line and went for a coffee date and one dinner date. Now i have a little question to ask " for the western culture, what should happen with...
A. 18 June 2013: You pay for you and he pays for him. But, if he likes you he will offer to pay. However it is polite of you to pay for yourself unless he offers. It is impolite to expect him to pay.... (read in full...)
Age differences: what's ok and what's not?
Q. I'm attracted to a 19 year old guy... but I'm 22. While the age difference isn't that big, I feel like this is the time in your life where you are maturing fast and growing up. He just graduated high school last year while I've been out for 4 y...
A. 16 June 2013: "Rumor has it females mature, mentally at least, a bit faster than males."
It's not rumour, it's fact. There are exceptions to any rule, but yes. Girls mature faster than boys. However, after 25, everyone are fully matures (except for a few exce... (read in full...)
Curious about my wife's sexual past
Q. My wife and I have been together 9 years, and had the whole "how many people have you ******" conversation many years ago. Ever since then, I, like many husbands, still wonder "is that her real number, or is she holding some back?" The history she ...
A. 16 June 2013: Btw, not relevant to the post, but to CMMP:
How do you think friends or family know anyones "real" number? Unless they were there in the room seeing it and counting, they can't possibly know. That sounds more like trash-talk than actual valid in... (read in full...)
Curious about my wife's sexual past
Q. My wife and I have been together 9 years, and had the whole "how many people have you ******" conversation many years ago. Ever since then, I, like many husbands, still wonder "is that her real number, or is she holding some back?" The history she ...
A. 16 June 2013: I don't think a lot of other men (or women) worry about whether their partner is being honest about their "number". Such a thought implies you have little or not trust in each other. It's a big problem in a relationship if there is not trust. And ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to tell my Bf that he sounds like a complete jerk because he is depressed? It's too much for me. His depression is annoying me, it's 24/7.
Q. I met this guy a while ago and he was always telling me how unhappy he was in his current relationship. I liked him a lot and eventually I started to love him. he told me he loved me and he was going to leave his gf for me. I told him no and to s...
A. 16 June 2013: It's not selfish at all to leave this dude alone. It's not selfish at all to put yourself and your own feelings, your own mental health, before his. He is not your spouse, you are not married. To sacrifice your health and sink into depression ... (read in full...)
What could I do about losing my virginity this way? any way of making it easier?
Q. hello, im very conflicted about something that most people dont really pay mind, but to me is a big deal. you see i am still a virgin at 23, and a big part of that was because when i was younger and way more innocent i made the choice of not be...
A. 16 June 2013: " i meant to refer to an 'easy lay', a lot of you have the notion that i think that if you have sex, even once then you are a slut, and thats not the case, i meant to refer to girls that give sex away way too easily, i didnt mean to say it in such a ... (read in full...)
Sex is different with my wife after our brief seperation
Q. After a short seperation my wife and I recently got back together again. we've been marrried 30 years. I've was worried she made have had an affair while we were seperated. after having sex with her for the first time in over a year I thought she ...
A. 16 June 2013: "And I was told that if she recently had an affair with someone that had a large penis and then slept with me with an average size penis that maybe an affair may have caused them. "
That's BS. Whoever told you this was messing around with you, try... (read in full...)
Sex is different with my wife after our brief seperation
Q. After a short seperation my wife and I recently got back together again. we've been marrried 30 years. I've was worried she made have had an affair while we were seperated. after having sex with her for the first time in over a year I thought she ...
A. 15 June 2013: You know, the farting sounds are your fault. You're pressing air into her by using the "wrong" technique. If anything I'd say the reason the sex is different is because it's been a year.. You lost some of the technique as the two of you haven't been ... (read in full...)
What could I do about losing my virginity this way? any way of making it easier?
Q. hello, im very conflicted about something that most people dont really pay mind, but to me is a big deal. you see i am still a virgin at 23, and a big part of that was because when i was younger and way more innocent i made the choice of not be...
A. 15 June 2013: "but now this has made a new kind of problem, that at my age almost no girl is a virgin anymore, i mean damn am i having a hard time finding one,"
Exactly HOW do you know this? Do you ask every woman you meet? It's kind of hilarious to think ab... (read in full...)
I gave in and told him I love him, but I didn't mean it the way I should
Q. I am in relationship wih this guy for over 2 months now,and he has told me he loves me and I dint say it back and he said I can take my time and he'l wait! But a few weeks ago he brought that up,saying he's scared I won't fall in love! When we met w...
A. 14 June 2013: That depends on the type of relationship you want. Do you want one built on honesty and openness, or one with white lies that are being told to "spare" someones feeling? Not everyone will be okay with complete honesty... So you need to see for ... (read in full...)
Is it OK to tell my Bf that he sounds like a complete jerk because he is depressed? It's too much for me. His depression is annoying me, it's 24/7.
Q. I met this guy a while ago and he was always telling me how unhappy he was in his current relationship. I liked him a lot and eventually I started to love him. he told me he loved me and he was going to leave his gf for me. I told him no and to s...
A. 14 June 2013: I will try to make this simple for you to understand, but in order for you to benefit from this advice you must put aside this stubborn idea you have of being right and knowing what you're doing. You don't know what you're doing, and you're not ... (read in full...)
Is it abnormal for my 20 year old girlfriend to sleep in the same bed with her mom regularly?
Q. My girlfriend is 20. We've been together for two years. She told me something that totally caught me off guard and when I think about it, it seems somehow wrong. We were talking about our parents. She was telling me some happy stories ab...
A. 14 June 2013: Normal. Just because you're not used to it, and you wouldn't do it, doesn't mean your opinion is the "right" one.
I can sleep in the same bed as my mom too, and do so without thinking twice about it. Last time was a few months ago when she came... (read in full...)
I gave in and told him I love him, but I didn't mean it the way I should
Q. I am in relationship wih this guy for over 2 months now,and he has told me he loves me and I dint say it back and he said I can take my time and he'l wait! But a few weeks ago he brought that up,saying he's scared I won't fall in love! When we met w...
A. 14 June 2013: He sounds immature. He pressures you into saying you love him, tells you you took long, emotionally blackmails you by crying about how worried he is you wont fall in love... Omg, if it was two years Id understand him, but two months!? How needy is ... (read in full...)
Should I pay to lose my virginity?
Q. Hello I've been thinking about this alot recently. I am a male virgin who has never kissed a girl; nor have I been on a date. I'm not handsome in any classical sense, and I'm a big husky guy. Not to mention, a giant geek (read comic books etc)...
A. 13 June 2013: Oh yeah, I also want to encourage you by telling you about my former room-mate. When I first met him I couldn't believe it. Big belly, dark circles under his eyes, not attractive. I first felt bad for him, thinking how hard it must be to find a ... (read in full...)
Should I pay to lose my virginity?
Q. Hello I've been thinking about this alot recently. I am a male virgin who has never kissed a girl; nor have I been on a date. I'm not handsome in any classical sense, and I'm a big husky guy. Not to mention, a giant geek (read comic books etc)...
A. 13 June 2013: I'm going to answer this as if you were a girl. Which would bring me to a halt at your second section.
"I'm not bitter about that because that is the way of Natural Selection."
A woman in your position would say "I haven't found the right ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I'm a chubby chaser? I don't want them to get thin!
Q. please help i want alot of opinions hopefully professional opinions, heres my question- i love dating plus size women over 300lbs but heres the thing, if a plus size woman wants to lose weight all the attraction is over and the relationship is ...
A. 13 June 2013: It's not wrong, just very shallow. But as long as you're honest with the girl and she knows you don't like her for who she is, or love her for who she is... That it's all physical, and wont ever become anything else, then sure. Nothing wrong at all, ... (read in full...)
I want my mother to respect my choice to remain with my boyfriend
Q. I've been with my boyfriend around 5 months. It has not been the most perfect relationship, he has a short temper which has caused a number of arguments. I know that he is probably not my life long partner, and have considered leaving the ...
A. 13 June 2013: "I also recently discovered have suffers mild depression, which explains much of his attitude, so I want to help him instead of walking away"
Oh, please, give me a break. You can't help him recover form a depression, by trying to "help" you only... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is distressed after meeting his birth mother
Q. I would appreciate any help you could give me. Here goes: My boyfriend has been searching for his birth mother for years. (She gave him up for adoption and he never met her) A few months ago, with help, he tracked her down. So anyway he met her ...
A. 13 June 2013: Just be a shoulder for him to cry on and try to get him to talk about it. Other than that, don't do a thing. Just be nice as usual.... (read in full...)
Are there any success stories from couples that have broken up and then got back together?
Q. hi, okay, so nearly 4 months ago, me and my girlfriend of 2 years split up. She split up with me, at the time her dad had got into a terrible accident and was in intensive care, and was told that he would be paralysed from the neck down, also she ...
A. 12 June 2013: What you're facing is difficult, because she was the one who broke up with you. She was the one who found it difficult. Doesn't matter then that you were happy... or that you thought there were no problems and that it was all timing. Because YOU ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm not dating material because I'm an introvert and like being alone
Q. I am an introvert and enjoy being alone. I am insecure about it because my behavior is out of the norm. I think girls will find me boring because I don't drink or like going out to parties and I am very reserved. A few girls have liked me but I ...
A. 12 June 2013: You're irrational. You say no to girls that like you because you're afraid they wont like you. So you end up dating no one, and giving NO ONE a chance to get to know you. How is that different from letting them get to know you and then leave if they ... (read in full...)
My g/f broke up with me over a kiss and yet she cheated on me and I forgave her!
Q. Thanks for reading, I just don't know where to turn to, so I am asking you lovely people :) I have been with my girlfriend for just over 1 year. Things were really good between us. Very early on into the relationship, we did have a bump in the ro...
A. 12 June 2013: "I just find it ironic as some of these friends knew about what happened before and that I forgave her, yet with this, i'm public enemy number one."
Come on, you know just as well as everyone that just because you decided to forgive, doesn't ... (read in full...)
Planned a vacation with a friend but her negativity is giving me second thoughts
Q. Here is the upsetting situation for me with my friend. More than a year ago we went to a bar with her and I met one of the most gorgeous guys ever. He was younger and really good looking. He took my phone number in bar, and kept texting me after we...
A. 12 June 2013: I think your friend is just being realistic. And also disappointed in him, and perhaps a bit stressed out that you're leaving the planning of this trip up to a guy who cares very little and barely takes notice. I mean you're writing that you want ... (read in full...)
Why do guys like my accent when its nothing special?
Q. I live in Wales and I've noticed since I've moved there a lot of guys comment on my accent and the sound of my voice! I wanted to know why is it that they like it so much, some even tell me they could listen to me speak for ages and that and english ...
A. 11 June 2013: By the way every woman I know of looove the Scottish accent. Don't ask why. I have no idea. It's like asking why we love men in uniform. It's just hot. Can't give you a good reason why, because logically there's no reason. ... (read in full...)
Why do guys like my accent when its nothing special?
Q. I live in Wales and I've noticed since I've moved there a lot of guys comment on my accent and the sound of my voice! I wanted to know why is it that they like it so much, some even tell me they could listen to me speak for ages and that and english ...
A. 11 June 2013: What's there to explain, they think it's sexy. Doesn't matter if YOU don't find it sexy. To you it's normal. But you're not the one to find other women sexy, doesn't mean other MEN wont find other women sexy just because you don't.
They have the... (read in full...)
Why did I fall out of love with her so drastically?
Q. Why did I change? Why did I fall out of loves with her so drastically? I was in a relationship for just over a 1 1/2 years. I never really felt like she was the right person for me, but I stuck it out because we were having a lot of fun together,...
A. 11 June 2013: "I'm trying to figure out why I have changed so much."
You didn't change, you just stop faking it. Like you say yourself, she wasn't the one for you and you knew all along. You were just comfortable. Accepting of her presence, but not in need of ... (read in full...)
Attempts at anal sex cause extreme pain. What can we do?
Q. I apologize in advance if this gets to be too gross or weird. It is for me but I figured some answers might be helpful since past posts have always been. My boyfriend has tried anal sex a few times but I've always stopped him immediately beca...
A. 10 June 2013: If you feel pain then STOP trying to have anal sex! Really! A woman is supposed to enjoy sex as well, you're not just some hole for your boyfriend to put his penis. Now treat yourself with more respect and learn to say no. You're clearly not ... (read in full...)
Men: how reasonable is it to think that they sent over 500 sexually explicit messages in a month, that they were only together twice?
Q. I am in a very difficult situation. I found out after 9 years of being with my husband he cheated. He didnt come clean, I just so happened to find out one day and confronted him about it. At first he lied over and over until he decided to "come all ...
A. 10 June 2013: "So my question for the men (cause I need a honest male opinon) how reasonable is it to think that they sent over 500 sexually explicit messages in a month, that they were only together twice?"
As a woman with an intuition, I'd say no.. not prob... (read in full...)
Why does everyone naturally assume that when a person reaches a certain age, that they naturally want to have kids? Because some people are comfortable being childless
Q. Hi guys. I would like to know why everyone naturally assumes that when you reach a certain age, you want to have kids. And if you politely say that you don't, they think there is something wrong with you. What's wrong with not wanting kids? Th...
A. 8 June 2013: "What's wrong with not wanting kids? The world's population is not going to die out. It's on the rise."
Because it goes against the animal instinct to procreate. We're animals after all. Not rational, logical, super beings without hormones... (read in full...)
I have so much jealousy and hatred toward her ...
Q. I wasn't sure whether or not to post about my problem but I really need to get it off of my chest and get any advice I can because it's really bothering me. I'm really jealous over this girl and have a lot of hatred towards her. She has stol...
A. 8 June 2013: "Literally all of my close friends are good friends with her, my cousins are friends with her, my parent's are friends with her parents, I can't get a break from her and it's driving me insane. "
The get rid of these "good friends" who don't ha... (read in full...)
Is it just time to walk away?
Q. Right, i have a boyfriend who i've been with for 6 months and we argue constantly. he does mean everything to me and i dont know what i'd do without him. recently, we've been arguing more than usual. we're on the verge of splitting up but i don't ...
A. 8 June 2013: Just because you can't imagine not being with him doesn't mean you're incapable of living without him. You'll be fine. Heartbroken for a little while, but then you'll get over it and feel a lot better.
You argue all the time. That's a sign tha... (read in full...)
Do girls ever think about the Good Guy who they lost contact with earlier?
Q. Girls,well what I would like to ask is, if you been with bad boys, an one that you thought you loved, broke up with you, an you were heart broken. And then you met a really nice guy , an you were together for a few months, he treated you so good,...
A. 8 June 2013: I can't speak on the behalf of other women, but this good guy/bad boy theme is a fantasy. It's not how it happens, or how it's experienced.
I was with a guy who was a self proclaimed good-guy. Yet he was manipulative, full of lies, used me finan... (read in full...)
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 7 June 2013: What made it easy for me is thinking about this beforehand. Think about how you feel about pregnancy and abortion, because when you're having sex those are things you need to know. Because you run a risk of pregnancy. So by thinking about it long ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant. My boyfriend wants me to get an abortion, but I don't feel its right. What should I do?
Q. We are not at a financial state to have a baby. We have no money. We are both students. But the more I think about having an abortion, the harder it becomes. I already feel an emotional attachment to my baby, but my boyfriend doesn't understand ...
A. 6 June 2013: "Although it wasn't planned (I was on the pill"
So you forgot to take your pill? Or you were on antibiotics and weren't aware they'd impact the effect of the pill?
You say it wasn't planned, and I believe that, just trying to avoid teenage gi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will be leaving for his year abroad to study and I'm not sure how to cope being alone for a year. Should I break up with him?
Q. Hi there, I have been with my boyfriend for seven months after 'seeing' each other for a while beforehand. I really enjoy being with him and while it is soon, there are definitely feelings of love beginning to blossom. We have a very deep connec...
A. 6 June 2013: Lets put it this way:
"I just feel as though the year apart would do a lot more harm than good for the both of us. "
So, being with him wouldn't make you happy, it would make you miserable? If so, yes, break up with him.
I've been in lo... (read in full...)
How to reach a decision with my unplanned pregnancy?
Q. i'm 26 and had planned to go back to study. I discovered I was pregnant a few months after getting laid off my job. Can things get any worse? My boyfriend wants to keep it but I'm not sure. I've been to counselling and it hasn't helped much. I'...
A. 5 June 2013: Okay. Stop for a minute. You're focusing on the wrong things.
Studies, mother in law, finances, jobs etc.
Take all that out of he equation. Those things are to be considered if you're PLANNING for a child. Should we have a child now? Yes, ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
