| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Does sex really matter?
Q. I have a brilliant boyfriend, he really is amazing. We have been together over a year and have lived together most of that time (we met in student accomondation.)We are both twenty and lost our virginities to each other, and I can't imagine a more ...
A. 13 April 2013: Sex matters. You'll get very tired with this after a few years. For now you still have the patience and the, perhaps naive, belief that "love will conquer all". And so you think sex wont matter as long as everything else is fine.
But it does mat... (read in full...)
Not a player, but I'd like to be...
Q. I'm, 22, not a "player" or a guy who sleeps with loads of girls (in fact I've slept with 0) but I really want to be one, I don't feel like I am a man unless I have slept with a respectable amount of girls. Is this a good desire? I desperately want...
A. 12 April 2013: What are your male role models? What were you taught about "manhood" while growing up? Something went wrong somewhere here. And this sounds like a serious problem that you should get help with. Because no matter how many women you sleep with, there ... (read in full...)
I suffer from fear of having sex, help?
Q. I am fortunate enough to be a young female starting my third year of college, and I'm currently in a relationship with someone who I truly care about. Not only do I love and trust my boyfriend more than anything, but he has also been my best friend ...
A. 12 April 2013: I am glad to hear you're doing better. Do you still feel worried about your body and the way you look? Are you still feeling sad and have anxiety? Or has this also calmed down? I hope so.
Best of luck to you. ... (read in full...)
PMS wife, Tired of being married to a shewolf!
Q. I've been married for five and a half years, and as far as I can remember my wife has had some pretty vicious PMS. Growing up my mom never did so maybe that's why I never figured out how to deal with it as a man. Previous relationships we...
A. 12 April 2013: A good idea would be to speak to her doctor first, because there are many different birth control pills and you need to find the right one for her. Not all will have the same effect on her, some could even make it worse. But when you go on birth ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend blew me off to hang out at a strip club
Q. Well.. Simply put. I'm leaving to go back home tomorrow and I'll be gone for a few weeks. Our friends are in town though and I wanted him to get some time with them so I said he could go out, and he promised to be home by 10 at the latest so we ...
A. 12 April 2013: You're not over-reacting. This shows you where his priorities are. Remember that action speaks louder than words. When you meet again, I am sure he'll have all sorts of excuses. But he ditched you to hang out with his friends, an at a strip club ... (read in full...)
GF went back to her EX, I made my one night stand pregnant, GF came back and then left when she heard about the pregnancy?
Q. My ex and I broke up about 6 months ago, which she went back to her ex (whom is the father of her child). I was assured it was over, and I begged her to come back. She suddenly comes back with a paper showing a divorce, and wanting to start...
A. 12 April 2013: She has no right to complain or hold it against you. You were apart. However, she does not have to accept it or go back into a relationship with you. Things have changed dramatically since you were first together, now there's another woman and ... (read in full...)
PMS wife, Tired of being married to a shewolf!
Q. I've been married for five and a half years, and as far as I can remember my wife has had some pretty vicious PMS. Growing up my mom never did so maybe that's why I never figured out how to deal with it as a man. Previous relationships we...
A. 12 April 2013: First off, are you aware that PMS is quite serious? It's a diagnosis. NOT every woman has PMS.
Every woman has a menstrual cycle, but having ones period does not equal going off the rails. If your wife has PMS, then she needs to see her doctor a... (read in full...)
How do I tell my 12 year old that the man she calls daddy isn't her real father?
Q. I'm married with 3 kids. The eldest is the result of a fling I had overseas. I came back and met up with my ex, who was never over me. We got together and then I told him I was pregnant and we got married. My daughter was only 5lb and I pretended ...
A. 11 April 2013: What do you think is the right thing to do?
What are your reasons for telling her, and your reasons for not telling her? Do you have good reasons not to tell her?
What about her real father, does he know he has a daughter? Does he not deserve t... (read in full...)
I give expensive gifts because I think it'll keep them interested in me for longer!
Q. Hey everyone, Background: I never really had a father -daughter relationship with my dad,we never were really close,but he would always give me the pocket money as a child and give me anything I would point on! Fast forward to now, This has b...
A. 11 April 2013: Forgot to answer this: "and could you also give me some tips to make the first few dates interesting and fun?"
I am not a part of this culture where you go "dating" all properly. In my world, a date is just a meeting up, and it is already implied ... (read in full...)
I give expensive gifts because I think it'll keep them interested in me for longer!
Q. Hey everyone, Background: I never really had a father -daughter relationship with my dad,we never were really close,but he would always give me the pocket money as a child and give me anything I would point on! Fast forward to now, This has b...
A. 11 April 2013: You know, coming here, and receiving answer, is just another form of counseling. You share, you get feedback, you think about things and you aim to work on yourself.
If therapy is available to you then do try it. It's a favourite answer because ... (read in full...)
Sexual Abuse at 12 and now addicted to masturbation, help
Q. am a boy aged 19 and single.when i was 12.my brother took me to his friend.he was a man.when we get there.the man sent my brother to market.while i was in the house waiting for my brother.the man came closer to me and he took my hand into his ...
A. 11 April 2013: Can you speak to your doctor about this? I think you should talk to a professional to deal with what happened.
If talking to a professional wont help, then talk to someone who you can tell the truth to. Perhaps you have a very good friend, ... (read in full...)
How do I confront my cheating Fiance without making her angry because I spyed into her emails?
Q. How do you let your fiance know that you know she is cheating without her getting mad because you have been looking at her email that she keeps leaving open, most recent email to her "friend" "I still want to meet with you. I want to try if you ar...
A. 11 April 2013: I have to echo my fellow aunts here.. Why would you need to hide that you snooped? What's going on here, theres some things you aren't telling us.
If you happened to snoop, for whatever reason, and have legit reason to believe she is cheating... (read in full...)
My BF will not pop the question and I want the whole nine yards!
Q. Is there a reason why a man doesn't marry his long term girlfriend/mother of his children? My boyfriend is 23 and I'm 23 in a few months. I've been with my boyfriend over 4 years and we have a toddler together. I got pregnant 9 months into the...
A. 11 April 2013: He can make babies with you, but hasn't asked you to marry him. Babies cost way more than a wedding ring. Babies also require commitment for life. So, it appears he isn't afraid of commitment, nor is he broke and can't afford the rings to get ... (read in full...)
My BF is not pursuing marriage any more he decided to find himself?
Q. I have been living with this guy close to one year now.everything has been ok and had plans to visit each others parents and our parents know about it.our plan was marriage but he suddenly changed. Like he says he is not sure of what he wants and ...
A. 11 April 2013: I think you need to draw the line and leave him. He's breaking up with you, but he's too scared of doing it properly, so he drags it out. He suddenly doesn't know what he wants? All that tells me is he never knew what he wanted, OR, he's been ... (read in full...)
I cheated- He still wanted us to stay together but he calls me names and says he'll never marry me!
Q. I had cheated on my boyfriend 2 years into our relationship with an ex who I thought I was over with but I wasn't.After cheating I realized that what I had done was wrong in which I had told my boyfriend about it the next day.He was upset but we ...
A. 11 April 2013: You should leave. The relationship ended 4 years ago, but he wants to continue punishing you, and you are staying and accepting the punishment. This isn't a good and healthy relationship. It wont ever go back to the way it way, you know that. It's ... (read in full...)
If this is how he's going to parent I don't want any more kids with him
Q. I don't know how many married men out there are like my husband but it keeps me up at night weather or not there is and if those men are still happily married or still married at all to there wives. I've been married for 2 years now and my husband ...
A. 11 April 2013: This is not normal at all. Not all fathers are like this, in fact this is physical and verbal abuse. It'll continue as well, it wont stop with this child, and it wont stop as the child grows older either. It'll get worse. What happens when you have ... (read in full...)
Why does my bf want me to use a vibrator when I have never enjoyed having sex?
Q. Hello I haven't had sex with my bf yet and he told me I should get a vibrator. I have never enjoyed having sex in the past as its too uncomfortable and hurts (I have had sex about 10 times in the past and I felt no pleasure). My bf could only use ...
A. 10 April 2013: " Is he being lazy by asking me to buy a vibrator? "
Huh? Lazy? Why would this mean he is lazy? I don't get it. He's tried everything he knows of, and everything he tries causes you pain, so he goes beyond what any other boyfriend of yours ev... (read in full...)
Sex after marriage vs sex if in a long term relationship, what is right?
Q. I'm in college, have never slept with anyone/had a boyfriend and I'm still undecided as to whether to do so before I get married (I'm also Christian though I wasn't raised religious). I would never sleep around but at the moment I feel it's unfair ...
A. 10 April 2013: Oh yeah.. she should "save herself" so that a future husband wont feel jealous and insecure...
No, you shouldn't wait with sex just to please some insecure future husband who can't handle a woman who has a past. You should wait with sex if that ... (read in full...)
B/f says if I leave the country he'll break up with me
Q. my boyfriend of 5 years wants us to get married within a few months. I will be leaving the country in the next few months also but he told me that if i leave he will break up with me. I have been waiting for this opporunity to go overseas for a ...
A. 10 April 2013: He doesn't love you. So don't waste your love on him.
How do I know? Because he's emotionally blackmailing you. He says he will break up with you if you leave. This isn't an act of LOVE, such a thing is an act of selfishness and a need for cont... (read in full...)
I am not excited about my boyfriend's teenage daughter possibly moving in with him!
Q. I met a wonderful guy 3 years ago, we both wanted the same things had similar visions for our future. My children have left home but his are still teenagers that live with their mum, so understand we cant go travelling yet until they turn 18. I was ...
A. 10 April 2013: I haven't been in your position, but I fully understand your concern. When I was 13-14 my mothers boyfriend moved in with us, and it was hell. However I was the one to move out, not him.
You don't know what will happen if she moves in with you... (read in full...)
Brain wants sex.... Body doesn't?
Q. I tried to google it, but could only find information on the opposite... So now I'll just ask you guys and hope I figure this out. I've noticed that recently I've been thinking a lot about sex, and I can't wait till I can see my boyfriend (We ...
A. 10 April 2013: I know what you mean. There's two kinds of horny for me, my body is horny, or my mind is horny. On several occasions I want sex, but my body doesn't quite follow along. On other occasions, my body wants sex, I'm wet and ready, yet I have no idea why ... (read in full...)
Will I be labeled as a liar? I didn't tell the truth about how many sexual partners I have had
Q. Hello, I'm writing because I'm in a bit of a situation. I was in a relationship for 7 years from the age of 15 and completely adored the guy. On reflection, he was rather manipulative, unsupprotive and didn't really care about me. This was a...
A. 10 April 2013: I think you will be fine. It is a small matter, personal (he has no right to know anyways) and you have corrected yourself quickly enough.... (read in full...)
Will I be labeled as a liar? I didn't tell the truth about how many sexual partners I have had
Q. Hello, I'm writing because I'm in a bit of a situation. I was in a relationship for 7 years from the age of 15 and completely adored the guy. On reflection, he was rather manipulative, unsupprotive and didn't really care about me. This was a...
A. 10 April 2013: Tell him the truth, but leave out details. Tell him there was one other guy; but it didnt lead to a relationship and therefor you didnt mention it. Tell him you want to be honest with him, but that you do not intend to lay out details of your past ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 9 April 2013: There is definitely no point in not trying.
Rejection is part of the game, and not a personal offense. A girl rejecting you, well maybe you weren't what she looked for. Just like not every girl is what you look for. You like the looks of maybe 3 ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend cyber GF is begining to worry me?
Q. Hello everyone! I was having problems last year and came to this site and was very happy with the answers and advice I received, this really is a great site and I am happy to be back in some way haha. So my boyfriend and I are in a happy and long...
A. 9 April 2013: You should stop worrying about sounding like a control freak and instead listen to yourself and your needs. You are entitled to have needs in a relationship. You say over and over how patient you have been with your boyfriend, how you give him space ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 9 April 2013: I know this is beginning to sounds like a therapy session, but if you don't mind me continuing this conversation: Why is your pride invested) Or, in what way is your pride invested?
What is the difference between 1. asking a girl out, and poss... (read in full...)
Sex after marriage vs sex if in a long term relationship, what is right?
Q. I'm in college, have never slept with anyone/had a boyfriend and I'm still undecided as to whether to do so before I get married (I'm also Christian though I wasn't raised religious). I would never sleep around but at the moment I feel it's unfair ...
A. 9 April 2013: "at the moment I feel it's unfair to even date guys if I'm not sure I would ever sleep with them or not."
It's not unfair to date guys even if you don't know where you stand on the matter of sex. However this is something you need to be honest a... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 9 April 2013: "I don't get your point there Chigirl, if a person drinks tea every day are they caffeine addicts?"
Depends on the tea and the level of caffeine, but yes. Caffeine is addictive.
... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 9 April 2013: Alcohol and other drugs are addictive.. Like cigarettes. When you introduce your body to an addictive drug.. and then you take these drugs every day, your body becomes addicted. It's simple. Having a beer every day after work might be socially ... (read in full...)
Fingered, am I still a virgin?
Q. Hi, I've been fingered by my boyfriend a few times and I don't know if I'm still a virgin or not.I'm scared that I might not be a virgin anymore.please help, am I still a virgin?...
A. 9 April 2013: Yes, as long as you have not had a penis inside you, you are a virgin. If you are scared of losing your virginity, you should not do sexual things.... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 8 April 2013: Would it be fair to say you are afraid of rejection?
What episodes in your life may have caused you to fear rejection? Have you been rejected before?
When you aspired to become a model, were you not afraid to be rejected? Or were you head hu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 8 April 2013: Btw, a person who takes drugs, in any form or substance, EVERY DAY, is an addict. Every day use is not recreational, it's a need because your body is addicted to it. If he wasn't addicted he'd not do it every day. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend will not stop doing weed. What can I do? I don't know what to do about his actions any more
Q. Hi Everyone, I would love some help right now please. I have been with my boyfriend for over 6 months and we have always been happy, things are almost perfect. When we argue, it is all about the weed. When we started going out he only smoked...
A. 8 April 2013: "When we started going out he only smoked weed at the weekend and 2 months later every day, doing a grotty shotty which I find disgusting. "
I doubt this is true. I think he toned it down at the beginning as to not freak you out and scare you away... (read in full...)
Why are college boys so confusing?
Q. Ok so, history does repeat itself! I am a college freshman girl with a good head on my shoulders, great grades, athletic, outgoing, independent, career focused and definitely not just looking for a husband. That said, I like the emotional intimacy ...
A. 8 April 2013: "Why are college boys so confusing?"
Because they haven't grown up yet. Wait until after 25 with expecting anything serious, before that they're all over the place and have no clue what they want.
I've had relationships with men under 25, bu... (read in full...)
I tried to offer constructive advice, so now I'm "unsupportive"
Q. Hello everyone, Hoping for some advice. My partner is a member of a theatre group and he has been for four years. The problem is a bit odd. What it is, is that he keeps inviting me to their social events. I started out by going, but I noti...
A. 8 April 2013: Let him sulk and don't be an enabler. If he starts blaming you and calling you unsupportive just leave. Like you would leave a child who is behaving naughty. Instead, you sit there and cuddle with him and indulge him and pity him and like a small ... (read in full...)
I have competition for this man. Should I just give up?
Q. Why do I feel this way? Is it the right thing to do? I've liked this guy for months now. He works at gym and whenever I'd look up he'd be staring at me. So I decided to train with him. I've lost alot of weight and I look better and all...
A. 8 April 2013: How do you expect to catch a man? By staring at him for months? That seems like your plan so far, and I got to say.. of course nothing has happened. You haven't made any moves on him!
Ask him out. Simply as that. Ask if he'd like to have a cup of... (read in full...)
I lost my friend over a rude text that I didn't send to him!
Q. I recently had a sexual encounter with a friend (married)(someone I've known since childhood),we re-connected and talked on the phone for over a yr and saw ea. other daily. Our relationship became sexual no strings attached. A family member decided ...
A. 8 April 2013: Why do you not ask your family member this question? Why? Why did they want to ruin your friendship with him? Why were they so rude to him? What was their intent? Have they apologized?
Once you've dealt with your family member you can try to deal ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend likes the fact that women love him, and who wouldn't
Q. My boyfriend is a scout leaders, he deals with all kind of males and femails of different ages, at some piont i was under his command and we loved each other. He is very sweet with everyone, very respectfull and generous and that is why i love him...
A. 8 April 2013: Tell him that although it is nice that he gets attention, and you understand why as he is a lovely man, you do not have a need to hear about all the girls swarming over him. You know they are there, but you are not interested in hearing about it.
... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 8 April 2013: No, you said you were terrified to talking to girls. Afraid to go up and speak to them. They will not know your skills in bed just by you talking to them. A woman will not know you are a virgin just by looking at you, she will not think you "tried ... (read in full...)
After sex, liquid came out of me. Was it from me? Or him?
Q. Ok, so me and my ex messed around again and we did it 2 times in one day. The first time he was going really fast before he pulled out, and when I stood up and seat back down I felt some warm, liquid come out of me. Then the second time we did it ...
A. 8 April 2013: But if you are ready for a child then why haven't you found a man to marry, or be in a steady relationship with?
Do you WANT to be a single mother, and were you actively trying for a baby?... (read in full...)
My fiance seems to have no goals or ambition
Q. I'm 24 and my fiance just turned 30. He lives at home with his parents, going to community college for the last 10 years now trying to get his bachelors, and has no work or real relationship experience. His 'income' comes from his parents by working ...
A. 8 April 2013: I have yet another thing to say that I forgot earlier. If you want to know how a man will treat you in the future, look at how he treats his family. This for me has always been correct, yet I have tried to deny it several times. Yet it is so true. ... (read in full...)
My fiance seems to have no goals or ambition
Q. I'm 24 and my fiance just turned 30. He lives at home with his parents, going to community college for the last 10 years now trying to get his bachelors, and has no work or real relationship experience. His 'income' comes from his parents by working ...
A. 8 April 2013: Say what? His parents pay him 20 bucks an hour to do "work around the house"? What exactly do you think this means? If he is supposed to study at the same time, my guess is that this "work around the house" is him sitting on the couch and ... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 8 April 2013: Sounds like you are getting closer to the core of your problem here. Why does this terrify you?... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 7 April 2013: Maybe it helps to tell you then that my boyfriend is quite the male stereotype, yet he was a virgin at 25. He is a handy man who fixes everything. He likes to go hunting. Hes been working as an officer in the army and is now taking higher education ... (read in full...)
After sex, liquid came out of me. Was it from me? Or him?
Q. Ok, so me and my ex messed around again and we did it 2 times in one day. The first time he was going really fast before he pulled out, and when I stood up and seat back down I felt some warm, liquid come out of me. Then the second time we did it ...
A. 7 April 2013: He came inside of you. That was semen. Are you on any form of birth control? You are probably pregnant if you arent on birth control... This is how baabies are made.... (read in full...)
I'm 22 and hopeless with girls!
Q. I'm 22, I am hopeless with girls. I have never been with one and now I am too scared to even try. I am a male model (physique, underwear etc) so objectively I am pretty good looking at the very least, very hot at the most... which almost compounds ...
A. 6 April 2013:
If you were the type of person to have sex with a random girl in school then you would have done it and been that person. The fact that you haven't proves that you're NOT that type of person. Yet you think this somehow is not normal, and appa... (read in full...)
I suffer from fear of having sex, help?
Q. I am fortunate enough to be a young female starting my third year of college, and I'm currently in a relationship with someone who I truly care about. Not only do I love and trust my boyfriend more than anything, but he has also been my best friend ...
A. 14 May 2012: You sound like you have a near phobia when it comes to this. Or a very problematic relationship with yourself and your own body, the very least. If you can't love yourself then of course you're having a hard time believing, or accepting, that ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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