A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I am 17 and I am a virgin. Well my parents have always been very conservative on matters of sex. I used to wear a purity ring (my parents kind of pressured me into vowing abstinence). I was on vacation and lost my ring while swimming in the ocean. I got back home and told my mom about losing the ring and she said she'd get me another. I told her I didn't want to get another ring. She never said anything about it again. A few months later untold her upfront that I was no longer promising to save myself for marriage, but for love. She said ok.Fast forward 3 years...I was going out with my boyfriend a few weeks ago and my dad really didn't want me to be alone with him (my bf). I told them right up front that I was not ready to have sex. And I promised them that wasn't what we were going to do. I've been thinking about it a lot since then and I know I'm nowhere near ready to have sex at this time, but I feel like the guy I am dating has the potential to be who I lose my virginity to. He is great and was my best friend long before we started dating. I never trusted any of the guys I've dated before enough to go very far with, but this guy is different. He is one of the few people I trust whole heartedly. My question is: How do I tell my parents I think I'm ready to have sex, when the time comes? Or do I even tell them at all?I don't want to break their trust, but I refuse to let their beliefs control my decisions. I want to go about this in a mature way.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): Hi, OP here. We have been dating longer than a few weeks, that's just when my father brought up his worries. I've known him a total of 6 years but have been friends with him 3 of those years. I know I'm not ready to have sex, I just want to know what to do when the situation finally arises.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (3 June 2013):
 I don't believe that remaining a virgin is a moral choice. I don't believe refraining from having sex is "better" in any way than not, however, sex is a choice that can have serious life-altering consequences, mainly pregnancy and STDs.If you are prepared for the fact that you could in fact get pregnant and be a mother at 17, then by all means, please go ahead and have sex. HOWEVER, if you are not sure you are at this point in your life fully prepared to accept those consequences of bringing another human life onto this planet, I would refrain from having sex until you are at a more educated and better financially stable point in your life.Even birth control has been known to fail. It's a slim chance if you use it properly, but there's still a chance. If you're okay with that, make your choices based on that information.The thing is, the fact that you've only been with your boyfriend for "A few Weeks" (your words) means that you don't know him as well as you think you do. Parenting changes people. Are you 100% sure that he'd stick around if you got pregnant? Are you 100% sure that he won't bail on you after you sleep with him? The only way to answer those questions is with more time, and if he can't wait for you to get to know each other for a few more months, then he isn't as great as you assumed he was.I am encouraging you to make choices that will lead to healthier and happier roads in the future. Don't do anything you'll regret because of hormones, because "a few weeks" is really not a whole lot of time, based on the grand scheme of your life.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (3 June 2013):
I would only tell them if it's necessary to get birth control.
Otherwise I really don't think it's their business. However you need to respect their home and whatever wishes they might have while in it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): I am a mother of a 16 year old and would very much like it if he told me when he was ready to have sex. When I was 18 AND LIVING AT HOME, which means my parents could still have a say in what I do, and I saw that my relationship was heading down a sexual path, I told my mother in advance so that I could get on birth control. I've always told my son to use condoms when he becomes sexually active. If you start that way, it will be normal practice. My son and I have a lot of conversation in the car, always have since he was very young. Personally, I think that's a good time for those discussions, as everyone isn't sitting and staring at one another and feeling more awkward than the situation already is by itself. Unless you are out of their house and supporting yourself, it is absolutely their business, and you should talk to them, at least to your mother. She was a teenager once, too!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
 I personally do not think it's necessary to TELL your parents when you are ready to have sex.
If they ask if you are a virgin and you are not, then you should tell the truth but I don't see the need to volunteer information to them.
IF you need your parents to pay for the visit to the gynecologist and set that up, then I guess you will have to ask mom for help with that.
Personally as a parent I always told my stepdaughter that when she was ready to let me know and i would take her to the gyn. She told me and I took her. I did not go in with her for her appointment and the doctor and her keep their conversations private.
If you do not want to ask mom, find your local planned parenthood office and see them for an appropriate female well visit (mandatory for women having sex no matter what age and a good idea if you get to 18 and are still a virgin as well)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 They are your parents, so you know best what way to tell them. Personally I moved out before I had sex. So I don't feel it is appropriate to have sex in your parents home, or before you move out. Once you're on your own you are free to do whatever you want.
The way I see it, one shouldn't have sex until one is ready to accept the possibility of getting pregnant. If you are going to be OK with being pregnant, and know how to handle it, have a plan ready, THEN have sex. If not it's really silly to have sex, because the chances are there for you to get pregnant. So doing it while still living at home, without knowing how to pay rent, control you budget, fend for yourself..
Well, that's just me. I needed to be on my own and independent before I even considered having sex. The last thing I wanted was my mom sticking her nose in my personal business. Whether you like it or not, if you're going to have sex while you still live at home, your sex life is going to be your parents business. They can hear you, they know when you have boys over, or they know when you're home alone. They can check the trash for used condoms, or they will notice if you've stopped having your period. Or they will see the birth control pills. It's not like you can hide it from them when you live with them. Besides, sex takes time, and it leaves the "sex-smell" in the air. You really can't hide it, the only thing you can do is be discrete about it. And by discrete I mean NEVER use your parents bedroom. They KNOW.
While I think you should have sex when you are ready, I'm just saying that I wouldn't do it while still living at home. It's way too obvious. Whether you tell your parents or not, they will know it happened. My best friend went to her boyfriends place and they had sex there, but when she got home her mom just KNEW that she'd had sex, and made a comment about it. I'd be utterly humiliated if my mother was going to comment on me losing my virginity.
So if you tell your parents, what can happen? They accept and say "fine, have sex!" Then you'll be okay with your parents knowing when you've had sex? Like I said, they'll hear you. Walls are thin. I was as quiet as ever with one boyfriend, when I took his virginity, yet his entire family knew it had happened and had smirks on their faces when I left. It's really embarrassing.
Or, the other alternative: they say "no, you can't have sex under our roof" and you will have to sneak around?
Just give it two minutes and think about what possible way they will react, and what that will actually mean.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Wait until you're actually ready to have sex before you decide OP.
You're nowhere near there now so why bother thinking about it?
Look if you tell them now they may become very restrictive of your relationship, they may even try and stop you seeing him regularly, there are a lot of ways this could go wrong for you when you're not even at the point of being ready yourself.
OP when you're ready to have sex, you'll be ready to tell them and to be honest OP, if you're 18 by then you have no reason to tell them unless they ask.
If you want to tell them then wait until you're ready. No need to tell them now when you're not at that point yet. Plus the longer you're with your boyfriend the easier it will be for them to be okay about it. You know? A few months is one thing a year or two is something solid and far less likely to look like you're giving in to sin or some shit.
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