| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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How much blood can I expect from first time sex?
Q. Dear Cupid! I don't want to sound immature or stupid or anything like that because I am not, so don't make fun of this question, please. I want to sleep with my boyfriend in couple of weeks for the first time. I'm a virgin but he had a few ...
A. 28 August 2013: Uhm, no, porn is just fiction. They add blood there for show, that's not really how the real world is (although so many naive guys seem to believe in porn over what a real woman is like... but that's mainly the immature ones).
I didn't bleed at... (read in full...)
How can I reconcile my idea of love with reality?
Q. Hey folks, this post might be a bit long and unorganized so stick with me please. I'm 23 year old male virgin currently studying philosophy. As you can easily guess, my problem lies with women. I never really had any intimate contact with women, n...
A. 26 August 2013: How to ask someone out successfully? The only answer to that is to keep asking until someone says yes. With the experience of rejection you learn the tricks and how to charm your way in. But why would you ask someone out directly, when you first ... (read in full...)
How can I reconcile my idea of love with reality?
Q. Hey folks, this post might be a bit long and unorganized so stick with me please. I'm 23 year old male virgin currently studying philosophy. As you can easily guess, my problem lies with women. I never really had any intimate contact with women, n...
A. 25 August 2013: Let me start by saying that it is good you stay away from alcohol. People with a family-history of alcohol-abuse need to be more careful than others. Addiction runs in the family, in your genes. You are far more likely to get addicted than others. ... (read in full...)
Am I prudish for not wanting to ejaculate in her mouth?
Q. I have a girlfriend for the first time in my life. We've been together for almost 6 months. She told me before we committed to a serious relationship that she was very sexual since she was 15. I was a virgin but lied and told her I had a few sexual ...
A. 25 August 2013: You're grossed out by what exactly? Her wanting to give you oral, her wanting you to squirt in her mouth, or her wanting you to kiss her afterwards?
Honestly, I think she ought to leave you. Not only are you lying to her, you're also calling ... (read in full...)
Busted by my 8 year old, butt ass naked in the kitchen!
Q. Hello. I am a just turned 31 year old, married mother of an 8 year old daughter. Last night, our daughter was having a sleepover with a friend a few houses down from ours. My husband and I took the opportunity to enjoy our alone time. We wer...
A. 25 August 2013: I say just be honest. Your daughter isn't an idiot. Tell her the truth, you were naked because grown ups sometimes enjoy being naked with each other and you enjoy walking around the house naked sometimes when it is just you and your husband. You can ... (read in full...)
What did they mean when they said we had 'history'?
Q. What's it mean when a guy says we've has history I was out with my ex the other night and these 5 lads who I know started talking to me and when my ex asked who they were they all said we've had history I've done stuff with all of them just haven't ...
A. 25 August 2013: We have history = "I've done stuff with all of them"... (read in full...)
My girlfriend won't allow me any space, what should I do?
Q. At the beginning of my first year at university I split with a long term girlfriend who I had been dating since I was 14. We reasoned that it would be difficult to maintain a relationship over long distances especially in what would be a trying and ...
A. 25 August 2013: You need to grow a backbone. Not to be rude, but you seriously need to grow a backbone. She's invading your because you LET HER. Some girlfriends are clingy. I'm like that. I want to be around my boyfriend 100% of the time, doesn't matter what ... (read in full...)
The house will be "ours" but he is making the rules!
Q. Both in our 50's and only been married 10. months. We lived together happily for a year before but now bicker all the time. He feels that he has fitted into my lifestyle whilst at my house and we are now moving to his. I never wanted this but ...
A. 25 August 2013: I think I know what this is. My brother did a similar thing when we lived together. When we moved into the apartment I asked him how we should arrange the furniture, and he said that I should just do it. He didn't care about it. And so I did. Then ... (read in full...)
I need some French Kissing pointers
Q. So me and my boyfriend are a little bit new to making out (we're both each other's firsts). We've tried kissing before but I found it a bit awkward ... I understand that when you're french kissing your tongues are supposed to interact, but what do ...
A. 23 August 2013: Look, you just need to try different things and see what works. People kiss differently, everyone has a different style and thing they like. There's no "how long" when it comes to kissing. Some people kiss for hours. Others prefer a peck that lasts ... (read in full...)
Why do some people have so much more pain than others?
Q. Wondering what are the major causes of distracted , painful lives? I feel, I have unquestionably more pain im my life than others. I now, pain cant be measured, but I know, my challenges are only happening to low number of people. Like losing a ...
A. 21 August 2013: Pain is relative. If someone hasn't experienced losing a loved one, they might find a divorce very painful because it is the toughest thing they have experienced.
If someone has lost a child, the loss of their parents will not hurt as much. If... (read in full...)
If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest?
Q. If a girl at work or serving at a shop that I frequent tells me "I am so bored", would you think that is a signal of interest? I have had one or two telling me they are bored, and we should get together, to take away the boredom. I realise the la...
A. 21 August 2013: "almost sure asking me out"
Almost sure? When someone directly asks you to do something with them and "hang out" you still don't know if they want to.. hang out with you?
Some guys are so aloof. Yes. It's not even a hint, it's a direct invitat... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps making jokes about my 'biological clock' ticking!
Q. I have been together with the boyf for a year now. We have talked about how many kids we want and names we like and wedding day ideas. It's fun conversation, nothing too deep! However this past couple of weeks, he asked me to remind him whether I ...
A. 20 August 2013: Ask him...?
Sounds like you need to have a talk with him about his jokes, and maybe you want them to mean something more? Maybe next time he jokes, ask him "And what are you going to do about it"?... (read in full...)
Why do conversations with my friend always wind up being steered towards sex?
Q. I really don't know what's going on with my friend. We're pretty close and I guess he's kind of like a brother to me. He might not see it that way, but I see it. I met him almost a year ago. We've exchanged crushes and personal secrets, and the...
A. 20 August 2013: "He's really attractive and he can literally get any girl he wants."
Obviously not. Even though you find him attractive doesn't mean it's easy to get someone to sleep with him, he could be shy. Other girls could be shy. Looks he's been trying a... (read in full...)
Why do some people have so much more pain than others?
Q. Wondering what are the major causes of distracted , painful lives? I feel, I have unquestionably more pain im my life than others. I now, pain cant be measured, but I know, my challenges are only happening to low number of people. Like losing a ...
A. 20 August 2013: My personal thoughts:
I believe in God and that you are only put through as much pain as you can manage. There will always be pain and hurt in peoples lives, but we grow from them. The challenges makes us stronger, even if they are on the verge of... (read in full...)
Why do conversations with my friend always wind up being steered towards sex?
Q. I really don't know what's going on with my friend. We're pretty close and I guess he's kind of like a brother to me. He might not see it that way, but I see it. I met him almost a year ago. We've exchanged crushes and personal secrets, and the...
A. 20 August 2013: He's a teenage boy who thinks with his dick.
"I know he's joking, but he's been doing this for half a year and we can never have a normal conversation"
Uh, no, sorry. He's not joking. He wants to hump you. But that's how teenage boys wor... (read in full...)
Is being tan really considered to be more beautiful?
Q. So lately, everyone has been commenting on how pale I am. I mean its the summer time and I work as a lifeguard so you'd think I'd be super tan but nope, I have to wear a lot of sunscreen and when I don't, I get badly burned very easily and the burn ...
A. 20 August 2013: To be tanned is just another skin colour, really. Yes, it is popular to be bronzed these days, so all the mulattoes are lucky. They got the perfect "popular" skin tone. Also everyone Latin-American or Mediterranean. However, some people aren't ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with this 'second chance' stuff if he can't even honor the date we arranged that was due to happen on Sunday?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years and I almost split up last week. It was me who initiated the break up conversation as I feel he puts too much emphasis on his friends and going out with them rather than spending time with me. He got really upset and...
A. 18 August 2013: I am glad you came with a follow-up. I understood your first post as having asked him what his plans were, hence why I responded the way I did.
I don't think you're a fool to give him another chance, but like I also said, you need to give bot... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's personality changes and he behaves like a loser in front of his friends
Q. Been dating this really sweet guy since a few months and have been meeting his friends etc. When we are just the two of us, he is so sweet, caring, gentle, funny: I basically enjoy spending time with him. However, when we are in a social gathering: ...
A. 18 August 2013: You might find these types of blogs interesting:
http://theredpillroom.blogspot.no/2012/08/the-male-social-matrix-back-to-sandbox.html... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's personality changes and he behaves like a loser in front of his friends
Q. Been dating this really sweet guy since a few months and have been meeting his friends etc. When we are just the two of us, he is so sweet, caring, gentle, funny: I basically enjoy spending time with him. However, when we are in a social gathering: ...
A. 18 August 2013: I know what you mean. It is kind of the same with my boyfriend, although my boyfriend isn't the clown of the group. But they are a pretty solid group of guys who have known each other for decades, and it's obvious that each have their "role" in the ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time with this 'second chance' stuff if he can't even honor the date we arranged that was due to happen on Sunday?
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years and I almost split up last week. It was me who initiated the break up conversation as I feel he puts too much emphasis on his friends and going out with them rather than spending time with me. He got really upset and...
A. 18 August 2013: I think this is a communication problem first of all. It could come down to priorities, and different priorities doesn't mean some priorities are worth more than others... But first off all this is a communication-problem, and you have to take your ... (read in full...)
Why do low-income families tend to have more kids per family unit?
Q. Just curious, as I see tons of family's that have sometimes 3 or more children, yet have an extremely small income. You'd think it'd be the opposite, because the low-income families have neither the time nor the money to properly care for these ...
A. 18 August 2013: Well, this is complex, to start with. And if you're truly curious about this topic you should study sociology and/or anthropology.
But, in the case of "western" otherwise financially capable countries, you're seeing things the opposite way. Ric... (read in full...)
Is there a way you can sucessfully date a player?
Q. Is there a way you can sucessfully date a player? The guy who is super attractive,The kind of guy who is after one thing (sex).This guy is single and has alot of women chasing after him but he doesnt pay them attention, which is what attracted me to ...
A. 17 August 2013: Be an enigma yourself, and he will be on his knees for you. But either you like that he is a player, or you want him as a boyfriend (and not a player).. Make up your mind about what you want, you cant date a player. If you were to date that means he ... (read in full...)
Since having children my friend constantly and openly openly judges me and makes me feel bad about my decision not to have kids
Q. Hey! So, I've had this friend since kindergarden. We've been very close friends since we were 3 years old and I know she loves me and I love her back, but we're very different people (different education, different background...). Anyway, the thin...
A. 16 August 2013: Understanding? Yes, you could try and be more understanding. She obviously is jealous of you and feels swamped by her kids taking over her life and she having no sense of self any longer, thus identifying herself solely as a mother. And the greatest ... (read in full...)
Where do I meet these particular types of women?
Q. I'm 27, and thank you for your help at http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-do-i-become-better-at-dating.html. I will try some of your suggestions and thank you for them. The walking (or hiking as you referred to it) is good socially, bu...
A. 16 August 2013: People in their late 50's have children your age. Get invited home and you're guaranteed to meet some. Some women also love to play matchmaker for their kids, even though their kids hate it. So keep an open mind, I would if I were in your shoes. ... (read in full...)
My married ex called me to say he still has feelings for me. I feel the same but what should I do?
Q. I'm 21 years old my whole life I have only had 3 serious relationships. I have a 2 year old with my ex. We broke up march 15th of last year and it was so hard i was devastated i thought i'd never get over it. I always knew that he was the one but ...
A. 13 August 2013: You're being dramatic. My "whole" life at 21? When I was 21 I just had one serious boyfriend. And at 21 you have your whole life ahead of you! Not already lived it!
But I understand you feel old, you've rushed things. Already have a 2 year old... (read in full...)
Your first love: Do you ever really get over them?
Q. Do you ever truly get over your first love? It has been almost four years and I have been in a relationship for a while, but I still catch my self remininscing of the past. We were together for 2 years. ...
A. 13 August 2013: I don't know what this "first love" means. And that should tell you something about this being a constructed concept. There's no such term in Norwegian. It's something made up that is being over-rated and glorified, me thinks. You're not thinking of ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend has finally agreed to everything I thought I wanted but now I'm still not happy!
Q. I'm desperately in need of some advice if someone can help me please? I am 29 and I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. For the first couple of years of our relationship he didn't seem that interested and it seemed to me that he preferred to ...
A. 13 August 2013: I think it's a case of too little too late. You would have been thrilled over the moon, had he only said this a year ago when you needed to hear it. The past year you said things were better, but still something was missing. And it's because for the ... (read in full...)
I'm 34 and never have had a "proper relationship". Is there something fundamentally wrong with me?
Q. Hi, I'm writing this questions as my confidence in having any proper relationship is pretty low. I am wondering where I am going wrong. I'm starting to wonder if there's something fundamentally wrong with me. I'm 34 and never have had a "p...
A. 11 August 2013: Maybe you still have a commitment problem and send out the wrong signals? You have probably learned to send out the "uninterested" body signal because for so many years you weren't going for a relationship. It can be hard to notice and hard to ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but as soon as I posted that I had a date he contacted me?
Q. A few days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he was so confused about himself and where his life was going, and he wasn't sure what his future held. He said he felt like something was missing and he couldn't explain what and he felt like ...
A. 11 August 2013: Just a comment, you going out and dating so soon doesn't have anything to say on how much you cared about your ex. People heal in different ways. I loved my ex very much, but I still went out on a date as soon as possible (with a different guy ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me but as soon as I posted that I had a date he contacted me?
Q. A few days ago, my boyfriend broke up with me. He said he was so confused about himself and where his life was going, and he wasn't sure what his future held. He said he felt like something was missing and he couldn't explain what and he felt like ...
A. 11 August 2013: "Odd thing is, he still hasn't changed my Facebook status2
Guys don't care about facebook that much. He probably hasn't been on or isn't bothered. It doesn't mean anything at all, and isn't particularly odd either. You'd clinging on to a faint ho... (read in full...)
What is wrong with me? Why have I never been asked out?
Q. I'm 23 and have never been asked out. I'm smart, go to uni and actively participate in student organisations as well as take part in social work. I love having good discussions and always take genuine interest in listening to the person I'm talking ...
A. 9 August 2013: You list all your great qualities, and then you ask why gusy don't ask you out on dates? Well, guys don't care about all your great qualities, so sorry that wont help you get his interest. Those are things to keep a man once you've got his interest. ... (read in full...)
I need some threesome advice!
Q. So my one of my bfs mates seemed to be coming on to me and when I was at the point of telling him to back off we ended up on the discussion of threesomes, my bf told him we had been looking for someone to do it with but had, had no luck. His mate ...
A. 9 August 2013: Oh yeah one last thing, make sure he uses a condom for any physical contact with you, be that a blowjob or rubbing up against you or anything. You don't know what he's got that he could rub off on you.
Also, I would strongly advice you to NOT h... (read in full...)
I need some threesome advice!
Q. So my one of my bfs mates seemed to be coming on to me and when I was at the point of telling him to back off we ended up on the discussion of threesomes, my bf told him we had been looking for someone to do it with but had, had no luck. His mate ...
A. 9 August 2013: Oh dear you're in for some trouble here. Your bf's "friend" isn't as experienced as you think, he's just looking to poke you with his penis. No threesome needs a two-some before the threesome. That's called swinging. If you're not a swinger, then ... (read in full...)
Male friend not getting the fact that I'm now in a relationship
Q. As of only a month, I've been in a relationship with a guy who I've been good friends with for 5 years. Just now we are taking it to the next level and if we keep going at this rate, things might turn out very well. However, I have another mal...
A. 9 August 2013: Maybe he didn't ask you out on a date, but to actually talk to you?
Or you could just tell him that you don't feel comfortable hanging out with male friends in private. It might sound old fashion, but in this case it's perfectly understa... (read in full...)
I like him, but am I just staying with him until I find someone that I like better?
Q. This is going to sound horrible..but I might as well just go ahead and say exactly what I feel.. I'm dating my boyfriend for 4 months now, he's crazy about me, would do anything for me.. I like him too, I like spending time with him, I care about hi...
A. 9 August 2013: It's not horrible that you don't like your boyfriend that much. You've only known him for 4 months, it's not like you married him! You're free to not like someone "that" what once you've gotten to know them. So you just found out he isn't the one ... (read in full...)
I'm dating my best friend but she is the only female I'm attracted to. Am I gay, bi or what?
Q. Sorry, lengthy. Recently, my best friend came out to me, and told me that she liked me. Now, that's great and all, but I've never seen myself being with another girl. This lead to me being very confused about who I was, and what I wanted, be...
A. 9 August 2013: It makes you YOU. Basically. You're a woman who likes men in general, but who also likes the occasional woman if anyone truly special comes along. Why the need to label it?
If anyone asks just say you are bisexual, it makes things easier. ... (read in full...)
I'm devastated to discover my crush wants to marry by the end of the year and obviously not to me!
Q. I'm crying over and over and over :( I m in love with a guy and he also showed many signs that he likes me and I thought he'll ask me out one day.) But When I was talking with him today I realized something . He was talking about his marriage plans ...
A. 9 August 2013: Tell him how you feel, it could be he doesn't realize you like him, or it could be that you are one of the women he'd like to marry. How do you feel about arranged marriages? Would you be ready to marry him that soon?
Tell him how you feel and... (read in full...)
Is there a "polite" way to find and pursue casual sex?
Q. I'm not sure what this community thinks of "casual sex", but let me start by clarifying about myself. I'm a 28 year old guy, never had sex, never had a girlfriend, never gotten anywhere with a woman. What I always REALLY want(ed) was to find a ...
A. 8 August 2013: Anon male, lets see if I understand what you mean. You mean woman should sleep with less attractive me even if they don't want to, because they would have slept with a more attractive man?
So, if you buy a nice lady a diamond ring you should b... (read in full...)
I think my interfering soon to be mother in law needs to mind her own business!
Q. Hi guys, I have another semi-unfortunate family-in-law issue. It basically revolves around my soon to be mother in law. My fiance and I became engaged after 10 years of great friendship and a year of dating. We now live together and share everyt...
A. 8 August 2013: Oh, and if your fiancee is the one who gives out information to his mother then talk to him about boundaries of privacy, what should stay between the two of you and what is public knowledge. And don't tell him things he might end up sharing with his ... (read in full...)
I think my interfering soon to be mother in law needs to mind her own business!
Q. Hi guys, I have another semi-unfortunate family-in-law issue. It basically revolves around my soon to be mother in law. My fiance and I became engaged after 10 years of great friendship and a year of dating. We now live together and share everyt...
A. 8 August 2013: My question to you is.. when your mother in law can say whatever she pleases, why is it you feel you CAN'T say anything to her?
Please, open your mouth and just tell her what you think about her comments. Don't just be one of those people who bitc... (read in full...)
Can you get that wet just from kissing?
Q. Hi! Yesterday we were in bed with my boyfriend and we were kissing (we haven't had sex yet) and I got really wet and I got embarrassed and I didn't want him to notice so we didn't go any further. Is ir normal to get that wet from just kissing?...
A. 8 August 2013: It is normal to get wet when you are turned on, and it is normal to be turned on by kisses. Most guys will get a hard on just by being next to a girl in bed, no kissing needed. So yes, quite normal!... (read in full...)
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