A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Is it rude to ask about a scar? I've had a tummy tuck and lost 20ilbs. after. I am happy with my physique now and enjoy wearing bikinis. I had a friend ask me the other day about a 1inch scar from the surgery. I just mentioned I had surgery--period. I thought it was a bit nosey. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 June 2013):
 OP there is an old rule about telling someone when there is a problem (your slip is showing, there is a run in your stockings) and that is “can they FIX IT right AWAY?” if so (the slip showing) then TELL THEM. IF NOT, (run in your stockings) then say nothing. I’m betting she told you to help you.
I got to work one day last summer and my co-worker said ‘your dress is on inside out’ IT was! I can fix it so I did. I was not offended, nor did I think she was trying to make me feel insecure or put me down. She was being helpful. Maybe your feelings that your friend was trying to make you insecure are yours and it’s NOT her intent?
You are low key and your friend is not so she talks a lot about stuff that excites her and makes her happy…
If she asked about the scar, well it was not IMO to put you down or offend.. it was curiosity…
It could have been from a tubal ligation, or a gall bladder removal… I have scars from a laprascopic ulcer repair done sadly 6 weeks after my perfect tummy tuck (I was still recovering)… I’m covered with scars… NEVER do I think that someone asking about my scars is being critical… just curious.
As for the comments about your weight… I used to weigh nearly 300 pounds and wear a size 26 US.. I’ve gotten as small as size 4 US and now I’ve had some weight gain and I’m around a size 10 US which here is still below average but not TINY. I had gastric bypass… my weight loss was VERY noticeable… but part of what I think made it workable for me was that I was TRANSPARENT about the surgery and the weight loss…
And if folks make comments to you… learn to laugh with them and let them roll off your back… folks talk sometimes just to talk… they don’t know what to say….
I think that what you bring to the table in terms of how you feel about yourself colors what you take away from your interactions with others.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2013): To Sorry Very Confused. I am the OP. I am happy you are enjoying your transformation and new leash on life! Most women comment on the positive which I appreciate and it is sincere. They usually say something along the lines of what great shape I'm in. I guess I took my friends comments about my scar and my bikini being as she thought inside out as an attempt to make me feel insecure. She has lost weight also and likes to tell me ad naseum how she had to get rid of all her big clothes and how she is getting all this attn. from guys now!! I am more low key and never say a word. When she mentioned my scar, she said something along the lines of " I've been noticing that dark scar (on you ) for awhile, what is it from? " Some negative comments from other women re my new look : that I am bulimic/must throw up --which I am not, I have a "boyfriend or must be cheating on my husband " (I am married). . . I try not to dwell on those too much but it is annoying and negative and not true!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 June 2013):
OP I've had massive body restoration and have never had any negative responses... can you elaborate on what you mean by negative?
I'm wondering how much of it is your mindset since I was THRILLED and PROUD to be having my reconstruction and as such have not received ANY negative responses... maybe it's how we view the surgery or the comments and maybe it's what you bring to it that's causing the discomfort?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2013): Congrats Cerberus!! It is amazing how different people treat you. I was in great shape prior to my pregnancies but my last pregnancy ripped apart my rectus muscles apart and I also had an umbilical hernia so despite my workouts, my midsection bulged out. It also didn't help that i gained 70 lbs.!during my last pregnancy!, The surgery was a jump start to the "old me" along with a lot of workouts and a strict diet--STILl!, So, I can appreciate your hard work and maintainence. I am in better shape now than in my twenties. I did the surgery for me and it did make a big difference in my marriage. My husband got a "new and improved" and most importantly happier wife. I guess that 's what it is all about--making yourself a better and healthier person--despite rude and nosey inquiries.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (3 June 2013):
 I don't find it rude, but I'm not ashamed of my scars. I think shame and being insulted about the questions goes hand in hand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): You get used to it OP. I used to be fatass with a beard. Decided I wanted to change that so spent 18 months getting ripped and buff, (shaved off the beard).
It's funny how different people treat you. Some people automatically assumed I was a macho, arrogant dick just because of my physique. I'm still ripped years later and I don't even notice it anymore but I do still notice people checking me out which is still fun.
I worked very hard for my body, no reason to not feel proud of it. You did the same only you had to endure a painful, invasive surgery, the recovery and all the time you put into getting the money together etc.
You may not have done things the "traditional" way like me, but you did risk your life and health for your goal and put plenty of time and effort into getting there. You have just as much reason to be proud of it as I do.
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (3 June 2013):
I think it is rude
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Yes, I am proud estatic of the "New me" but having a difficult time dealing with the negative attention and sometimes positive too.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Ppl ask me about my scars at the gym all the time. Im not afraid to tell them the truth bc it motivates then to take care of themselves mentally n physically. Be proud of ur body n if anyone asks questions show them that!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): Iam the OP. Thanks to Sageoldguy1465,Soveryconfused,Got Issues, Chigirl,Cerebus, and anoymous female for your replies. Yes, I do have a one inch vertical scar where my belly button was. I wish it wasn't there but my surgeon said that it had to be. I am very happy with my results otherwise. Yes, people can be very judgemental about plastic surgery. I thought you could not see it. Quite frankly, the only ones that noticed it and said stuff were kids--no filters!? In the past she has been a little competitive. She noticed it because she said my bikini was inside out and urged me to change spot on the beach--it was fine and my tag was just sticking out! Yes, I am starting to wonder about her as a "friend"? I don't think I would ask about a scar--if someone wanted to share their story they would. Sageoldguy--this is all new to me so nooooo pics!!!Did like the explanation though!! :)
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 You're right. It was very nosey but your response to it was perfect.
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 June 2013):
 I totally agree -- scars are a part of who we are. It's normal for a friend to ask. A stranger not so much, but it's not rude for a friend to ask at all! I also agree that the reason you had your surgery is why you chafed a bit at the question. You don't wish to be stigmatized for having a tummy tuck. It's totally nothing to be embarrassed about, as is anything you do to improve your health and well-being!
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (3 June 2013):
 Next time someone asks you that question, look them straight in the eye and say, "I'm very proud of that scar. See, I am in a motorcycle gang and I got that in a knife fight. You should have SEEN how cobbled up the other girl was!!!!!"
That should give you some comic relief....
Good luck.....
P.S. It wouldn't hurt if you posted a pic of you in that bikini - WITH the scar showing - sort of as a tribute to the upcoming Summer!!!!!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 June 2013):
One of my favorite scenes in a movie is the scene in working girl where they are in bed and she asks about the scar on his chin (harrison ford has a scar on his chin from a woodworking accident when he was 17 that they often incorporate into his movies as it's rather large)
or the scene in Jaws where they are comparing scars...
scars make us who we are.
I have had a mastopexy and a tummy tuck as have many of my friends and we all share PICTURES of our scars.
Not sure how you have a 1 inch scar as my tummy tuck scar gos from the back of my hip all the way around to the other hip... It's nearly 2 feet long total.. and it replaced my c-section scar.
When I wear an clothing including low slung thongs... it's covered....
I agree that what's bugging you is the fact that you had a TT and maybe you feel ashamed or embarrassed by it? I had one and wear my scars like badges of honor...
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reader, Got Issues +, writes (3 June 2013):
 What Cerberus said. I don't think it's rude to ask. I've got lots of scars from various operations and accidents and one from being kicked so hard by a horse that I still have a dent in my leg almost 20 years later, and people often ask where they come from. I'm happy to answer. On the other hand, if I were to have a boob job, I would probably feel uncomfortable explaining them because people can be very judgmental about plastic surgery.I think this is more about how you feel about having had the surgery. You were unhappy with your body before. You had surgery, it gave you body confidence and you are happy with how you look. That is great for you. You presumably had the funds to do it. You didn't hurt anyone. It doesn't make you vain or selfish. You don't have to justify your decision to anyone, you don't owe that to anyone. If someone is rude or mean about it, that really is their problem, not yours. It's nobody's business. If someone asks, they are most likely just curious, not rude. Tell them as little or as much as you want.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 June 2013):
 It's rude if it's someone you don't really know. But if a friend asks I think it's normal. A friend would want to get to know you, find out who you are, what you've experienced. It's about letting people in and get to know you. If you aren't comfortable being honest with friends, then who can you be honest with? And, what sort of friends do you have?
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reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): I don't think it is. You only find it rude because you find the idea of having a tummy tuck a little embarrassing maybe. I mean if you had a scar on your hand from when you fell off a bike as a kid would you be this upset about someone asking? If that was a scar from an operation to remove an appendix would you feel it rude for someone to ask? I doubt it.
I don't think it's rude to ask about scars, I don't think you do either. I just think maybe you feel there's a bit of stigma attached to a tummy tuck that makes you a little wary about talking about it in case you're judged.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2013): I wonder how she saw it under bathing suit? I had tummy tuck aso, but no one ever sees it . I think also it's somewhat rude to ask about anything regarding someone's body. If you didn't say anything then you obviously don't want to talk about it, the why ask . Glad you enjoy your new tummy, I love my results, and for the past 2 years can't stop showing it off:)
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