A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, I have a question about oral sex on a woman friend (or lack of). Several months ago when we first became intimate, she performed oral on me (with condom)and i politely asked if i could return the favour. The answer to my question was 'No, maybe when i get to know you better' I was happy with that. 6 months later, ie tonight, I asked her again and she flatly said 'No' I don't feel it is my place to ask why not...My question is, are there some women that just do not like receiving oral sex, or might there be some other reason. Is there perhaps someone else, and that act is something special between them only?I'm just curious and am unsure on her reasons for not wanting me to perform oral sex on her. Just a footnote, She performs oral on me very rarely, and as I never ask for it, that usually doesn't happen either.Many thanks for your answers.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2013): Hi everyone, i am the original poster of this question- i was amazed at the number of replies i received, thanks so much! It is very helpful.
The feeling i get is that it is very possible that she just doesn't like or is turned off by this- as she appears to not like giving it either. Maybe as some of you have said, she feels it is dirty and doesn't feel confortable with me or with herself for me to perform such an act. Sadly she will never know my technique as I wont be asking her again. When I asked her for the 2nd time, i did say to her, "ok, I just didnt want to die wandering" No you wont, I was told..
Thanks again
A
male
reader, MRJONES +, writes (26 May 2013):
 Here is a link i found to a previous question covering the same subject...
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/dont-women-like-to-receive-oral-sex.html
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2013): I have no problem in receiving oral sex and since my boyfriend and I have been monogamous for over three years I like it because he has a long tongue and knows how to nibble and at what time. My boyfriend never complains about anything. But we both take a shower before doing anything like that. I have girlfriends who don't like it for various personal reasons. My other girlfriends love it because they have boyfriends who are sensitive and know to get them going. To each there own. Good-luck.
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female
reader, largentsgirl89  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 There are some girls out there that don't like recieving oral sex, but there could also be something else underlying her unacceptance from your offer.
Six months together, I would ask her nicely. Non judgmentally, and make sure she knows that you're open to taltk to her about it. You just would like to know why?
I personally don't like recieving oral, but I love pleasuring my boyfriend orally. I've never had a good experience with it and I don't like the thought of him up in the area of my vagina. Even if I've showered, it bugs me to think of him in my area.
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female
reader, jadedpearl +, writes (25 May 2013):
 I don't like it. Unless I've had a shower beforehand and am neatly groomed down there and the man really wants to perform on me, then I will let him but the act itself is not very pleasurable. Maybe I've just been with men who weren't any good at it. I could live without it and be perfectly happy though.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 After six months together you can't ask her why?
If you're intimate enough to have sex, then you are intimate enough for you to ask her why she doesn't want oral sex. No one here knows why she says no, we're not mind readers.
But to answer your question, yes, some women do not like to receive oral sex. I am one. I find it uncomfortable, weird, and it takes a lot of trust for me to allow a man to go down on me. It also takes a lot for me to be aroused by it.
Another friend of mine simply dislikes everything about it, no matter how much she loves and trusts her boyfriend, she generally dislikes him going down on her. Why? Because.. well we don't feel particularly turned on by it. It's nice, sure, but you're laying there watching the ceiling, with legs spread, wondering how long it will take before he starts to complain that he's tired, or that his neck hurts. And then we're not entirely convinced we look good from that angle.
Basically, in my case, I am not a fan of it because I know a man will have to spend ages down there in order to get me anywhere close to an orgasm. What is the point then, when we can have so much fun doing other more enjoyable things.
So maybe she dislikes it, or maybe it just doesn't do the trick. The thought that it is a special act between her and a secret lover is very far-fetched though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Honestly, like Cerberus said, there's something a but nuts about her needing a condom to perform oral sex on you, and point blank refuse to let you do it to her; i really don't think this is-just squeamishness- my instinct is strongly telling me that from what the other poster said, that it's an std. Whatever she says, just be patient , tell her you're concerned she can't communicate the reason to you, but get to the bottom of it, cos you don't want an std do ya... Lol good luck!! :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): My boyfriend once insisted on giving me oral sex when I hadn't had a shower yet due to being extremely busy. I tried to tell him it wasn't a good idea but he did it anyway and made the comment that I did smell/taste a bit funny. That was enough to put me off oral for the forseeable future. Perhaps she had an experience similar to mine.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Aside from the obvious reasons already stated, for some women, it's the vulnerability of receiving oral sex that may lead us to decline.
Also, (to those, who suggest she had unpleasant past experiences) if the man isn't any good - then communicate your needs. My goodness - don't blame him if he sucks, you're the one lying there taking it.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 May 2013):
 Please note: When I wrote: "I did (locate one, once), too."..... I meant a girl who didn't like oral... NOT a Yeti!!!!!!
Hope this clarifies the matter....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Who discusses details of sex before hand and asks permissions to do something unless it's something really kinky?
I had lots of women in my younger years, and never met anyone who doesn't like oral sex, but that's just my experience. Women ussualy love it, and I like doing it. I certainly never asked a woman if she wants it, because I do find it very awkward and unnecessary . If she doesn't want it she will tell me when she sees I am going for it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): I am one of those women who doesn't like it, mainly because I don't feel comfortable with someone being that close to that area of my body. I worry that I might smell (although I keep myself very clean) and I hate the look of myself there too (sorry if this is TMI but I have fairly long inner labia and have had comments on it before). So in my experience, the chances are she is insecure for some reason and it probably has nothing to do with you at all.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): I agree, some men don't really know how to do it, but she doesn't know how you would do it. May be you are a champion in oral sex, why not try.
If he MUST ask her for oral sex why not then ask for everything else. May i kiss you, may I put my penis inside of you, may I give you oral, and so on.
I would understand if you went down there and then she stopped you. I wouldn't even know what to say if a man just asks me. Go for it? Or may be, it's up to you? It's just very awkward and in mylife not a single man asked my permission of doing this to me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I don't think Anon means to FORCE it, just that it's a natural thing for most folks to just segue into it... and stopping halfway... to ask permission seems a bit awkward to me as well.
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female
reader, R1 +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I don't particularly like it, unless the person doing it is really good at it (most men aren't). Given the choice I'd rather have penetrative sex any day! I was chatting to some girl friends the other day and you would be surprised how many of us just aren't that bothered!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): it can depend on the way the man does it. not being TMI here but if hes slobbering all over you then it would be off putting
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female
reader, Mariab +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I would ask her if and why she doesn't enjoy it.. Many women I know do not enjoy oral sex..... It really depends. Maybe she's bn with someone that didn't do it good and it disgusted her so she doesn't like the idea of it... Or... Plan and simple .. She is not comfortable with it... Talk to her... Good luck xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): First of all, don't ask, just go for it. Its sounds really funny that you ask her permission. If you are asking for anal sex, thats different, because most women don't like it. But to answer your question: I can't imagine why on earth any woman would deny oral sex. I prefer it to intercourse and this when I orgazm, if it's done right and long enough.
Actually of a man completely dislikes it that would be a problem for me, because per the years I am used to this. I had couple of guys who never did it, but they just loved when I did it for them.
I think you have a very limited sex life. Oral sex is a very nice invention. I can't say that I enjoy doing, but I enjoy pleasuring my partner.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Yeah there are lots OP and after 6 months of being sexually active with this woman you are well within your rights to ask her.
I mean if she can suck your dick then surely you can talk about sex.
OP ask her, I would because guess what, one of those reasons could be an STD.
Funny isn't it?
But most who have refused me was because of an STD they didn't want me seeing or to contract.
I had one ex who had genital herpes and it took a while for her to be honest about it, and even longer for me to convince her that with dental dams I'd still be able to do it for her.
OP be very wary of a woman who will only give blow jobs with a condom on and won't let you return the favour. Especially if she won't even let you touch her vagina with your hand.
I understand the smell factor, I understand that some are self conscious about how it looks etc. I've seen that too, but honestly after nearly 100 partners I can easily say over half the ones that refused oral (pretty much the best method of orgasming for most women) had an STD they were hiding.
Look don't assume anything. But don't be afraid to ask either.
I'd approach it from the angle of saying how much you like to give head and whether she sees you being allowed to do that any time in the near future, if not then why not?
Pretty simple question to ask an adult woman you're being sexual with OP. But until then be very careful with any sexual contact, for me I always treat women like that as STD carriers.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Dear OP,Maybe she's afraid you'll find her smell or taste weird "down there" and that you won't enjoy it. Since women often do not directly communicate what they want and hope that men will read their minds (I know cause I'm a woman too).. I suppose you just ask her in a calm moment if there is any reason why she doesn't want oral sex. If you ask in a way that makes it clear you are interested in HER, and you want to know how you can please HER, I guess this might be helpful for your relationship. I'm pretty sure there's no one else and this is just a special thing between them.. I suppose it has to do with her finding oral sex weird in general. Some women have a problem with this, cause we're taught from childhood on that all "those parts" are dirty. I'm probably younger than her, but if I want to enjoy oral sex, I need to be 100% sure I'm totally clean and showered etc. because if not, I freak out.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (24 May 2013):
Some women don't like it.
some women feel they smell or taste funny
I had a husband once who did not like blow jobs.... I taught him to like them.. he just had never had a good one
my ex husband loves to give oral his current wife did not like it at first... now he's taught her to love it.
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male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (24 May 2013):
Yes, there are a few such women..... about as many of them as there are Yetis in the Himalayan mountains..... (Consider yourself quite a pioneer for having located one.... P.S. I did (locate one, once), too.)
Good luck...
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female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (24 May 2013):
 There could be any number of reasons for it. Some people genuinely do not like it. Others might have some kind of hangup or bad experience in the past. She may feel she doesn't know you well enough.
What kind of relationship do you have? Correct me if I'm wrong but from the sound of your post, I get the impression that your encounters and infrequent and casual. The communication doesn't sound all that good either. If you want oral sex, you're allowed to ask for it. If you are in a relationship with her then I think you can ask her why she doesn't want to receive it either. It doesn't have to sound accusing or anything, just ask her why.
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