A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do guys usually like the flirty and promiscuous type of girls?I need some advice because I hate to say I'm a little jealous of this girl I know who gets so much attention from my guy friends and just a lot of guys in general. She sleeps around with them and is always flirting with all of them and gives out so much sexual attention to guys and obviously guys love that. She seems to just be perfect honestly. She's a really attractive girl and almost every guy I know likes her and wants her, or is already involved with her.I just don't get any attention from guys. I never sleep around or flirt or talk sexual and give any sexual attention to guys, is this why guys don't like me? Do most guys like and go for the type of girls who are really flirty and sleep around?
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (25 May 2013):
 Some men are like moths to a light bulb… Switch on the promiscuous light in yourself and see what you’ll attract; promiscuous guys to put it politely.
Once you switch this light off, the moths will find other light and other and other… It’s not a pattern of attention I would care to concern myself about really!? You’re better than that as you may prefer genuine attention rather than shallow and temporary attraction?
Take Care – CAA
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 At at that men r idiots. Theyre just horny n want sex. I was like that. Theyll never find a true woman with tht approach so hold ur head high knowin u hv a lot to offer a real man.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): Yes, exactly! read that again OP.
"Your level of self-worth is not measured by how much male attention and approval you get. You were not put here on earth to please men nor should you measure your self-esteem by how much boys want to sleep with you."
The world will be a better place when women stop putting men at the top of their list of requirements to feel good about themselves.
Guess what the top of my list is? Being good to others on a day to day basis. I feel good, I gain confidence, I feel alive and I feel proud just by saying being polite to the lady serving me my coffee, or saying thank you to the bus driver, or helping my neighbour assemble his new furniture, or kicking the shit out of that guy who decided to threaten my sister.
I'm not jealous of anyone in life OP because I know what I have to offer is uniquely me, I know who I am, what works for me and romance is just an added bonus to my life not even nearly up there on my list of priorities in life.
It comes after being good, being a good friend, having good friends, supporting my family, eating well, feeding my mind with facts, data, art, music, sitting down every once and a while on a hill with my dogs and watching the sun go down.
The one thing I learned in life OP is there is nothing to be jealous about in other people. That guys taller, got a bigger dick, is more built, has more money? Who cares, he's not me and who knows what kind of hardships he faces in life when you look closer. No one is better than you OP, you must choose your own path and walk it your way.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (24 May 2013):
 I agree with the anonymous poster below. I think you are feeling bitter and jealous and focusing on trashing "The Popular Girl" instead of working on yourself to make yourself feel more confident and happy.Your level of self-worth is not measured by how much male attention and approval you get. You were not put here on earth to please men nor should you measure your self-esteem by how much boys want to sleep with you. This is a product of you being unable to identify what makes YOU feel like a worthy human being, and instead of working on that in a healthy manner, you're blaming your bad feelings on "The S^^^y Bitch".As you can see from the other posters below me, s^^t shaming is an unfortunate cultural construct that is incredibly common in today's society that needs to be stamped out IMMEDIATELY. You are a worthy human being because YOU ARE A HUMAN BEING...it has nothing to do with how attractive you are or how many people you do or do not sleep with. A woman's worth is not in her vagina.Work on your own self-esteem by doing things that make you happy, rather than buying into the cultural BS that tells you that "The S^^^^y Girl" that gets a lot of male attention is in any way better or worse than you. She is a human being, and deserves just as much love and respect as you do. Instead of tearing her down, build yourself up in a way that doesn't hurt anyone else.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2013): You have the female version of 'nice guy syndrome'. In all honesty you're directing your energy in the wrong direction here, you're being bitter. Instead of appreciating attention I'm sure you do get but probably overlook you're feeling sorry for yourself. This girl may get attention for a number of reasons, it could actually be that she's a great conversationalist or is pretty smart too, it's just that all you're seeing is she enjoys her sexuality and I presume are becoming quite judgmental about it.Now I think the real issue here is you lack confidence, you don't have to be overtly sexy to be noticed if you don't want to but you do have to feel secure in your own life decisions, instead of directing yourself at undermining her security work on your own. If you really are being ignored it might be that you're giving off negativity and insecurity, there's no rulebook to life there's no right or wrong way to get male attention, you find someone who likes you for you. Although tbh I think you're primary concern should be working on you as opposed to getting miserable because men don't wink at you.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (24 May 2013):
 Further to what has been said by the others, I'll tell you about my daughter's learning experience.
Like you, she was more modest and reserved while other girls flirted outrageously, some slept around and not surprisingly it was they who received most of the attention. The boys seemed genuinely friendly with these girls and my daughter assumed they just liked them better. That is, until she enrolled in wood working and automotive classes.
She was quite taken aback to learn what the boys really thought of these girls and how ill they spoke of them behind their backs. Quite a contrast between what the guys said to them and what they said about them. It was something she never forgot.
If that doesn't convince you, feel free to go through archive submissions on this site. Look up Retroactive Jealousy. We receive post after post after post after post after post ad nauseum from men critical of their wives or girlfriend's sexual pasts...and many of the women they judge haven't much of a past to speak of.
So the illusion that men like flirty, prosimcuous women is just that. Illusion. Plenty of young men have noticed you, but they aren't the boorish, obvious type.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 "She sleeps around with them and is always flirting with all of them and gives out so much sexual attention to guys and obviously guys love that. She seems to just be perfect honestly."
That's really not my idea of a perfect woman, or the idea of a perfect woman for most men.
She's a 'perfect woman' to have sex with for the weekend you meet her, and then to stay vaguely friendly with in the future in case you want to 'hook up' again a couple of times.
Sadly when it comes to having more stable long term relationships a bit later in life those same guys who are sleeping with her now will mostly say 'ah she was fun but she's not not proper girlfriend material". Men can be horribly judgmental.
I wonder if you have a negative view about flirting though (I don't mean sex, I mean flirting). This is how I see it, see what you think:
"Flirting can be fun and good and healthy. It doesn't mean you have to have sex with someone, or even want to have sex with them. It can just mean you think they are attractive and are letting them know that in a fun way. It's possible to flirt without talking sexually, the best flirting is when you are only making the vaguest references to sex and are talking about other things. Flirting like this is a good way to get to know people, and over time is a good way to meet someone suitable for having a relationship with".
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 I don't think you want to be that kind of girl. While I don't think there is anything wrong with what she is doing, she has a right to behave how she wants, and sleep with whoever she want. But it's stupid to do that just for the attention.
But if you want attention you can't be completely passive either. It's a misconception that men make the first move. They don't, women do. Women give signals that it's ok for the man to approach them, by things like eye contact and smiling. So if you want attention try being a bit more friendly and flirty. There is a big difference between that and being overtly sexual.
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female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (23 May 2013):
 I think this is the female equivalent of the cliche guy question, "why do girls only like jerks?"
You already know half the answer, the part about men enjoying the prospect of sex.
But the other part of the answer (the part of the answer that's the same as the answer to cliche guy question) is that maybe it's just the type of guy that YOU are paying attention to that like "flirty, promiscuous" women. Not all guys are into that. In fact many find it quite off-putting.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (23 May 2013):
 I think you do get attention. But not in the same way as she does. Her way of being is very obvious. Very out there. In your face sort of. The type of attention she gets back is the same, very out there, in your face. Very obvious. But like her, it is also a shallow attraction.
You're not that much out there, strutting around, flashing yourself. The attention you draw is like you, more soft, gentle, takes time to build up and get to know. Takes time to notice. But once you learn to recognize the type of attention you get, you will also see more clearly just how much attention you do get.
And, remember that it is very easy to see only the guys that are drawn to her. There are tons of guys who aren't drawn to her, but they are in the background, and you're not focusing on them. But they are there. It's just the shallow and horny man-whores who would give someone like her attention. You don't want those type of guys to give you attention anyway. Instead, think of her as your aid. She helps you distinguish the man-whores from the real men who you can have an actual relationship with. Ignore the men who are attracted to this flirty and promiscuous girl. Go for the ones who aren't interested in her, they will have more substance to them.
At your age, guys are shy too though. Remember that. Just because you aren't approached, doesn't mean you're not attractive. In fact, the most beautiful are approached less, because guys get nervous and scared.. they think you will reject them. They think you must already have a boyfriend, or that you already have tons of other men who pay you attention. So they are scared to contact you. I know, because I've talked to guys about this and they've told me their first impression on women (and me). I know if I dress up and look stunning, I get no man to approach me. But if I dress down, look casual, smile and am friendly, strike up a conversation instead of waiting to get picked up... well then the attention is overwhelming.
Try this tactic: find a man YOUR are interested in. Then pay him attention. Just start talking to him, see what happens. No need to throw yourself at him, but try to talk to a new guy and be comfortable about striking up a conversation. And remember to smile. And let him know you think he's good company. Don't be afraid to make the first move.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): Because they're easy OP and we guys are lazy. So when you want to just find an easy lay they're the one's to go for.
Guy's do like you OP, I can guarantee you that but you don't have to be a slut to flirt so if you like a guy there's nothing wrong with letting him know that with a little flirting, a little extra attention, compliments etc.
OP this girl has a rep as being easy, guys are going to bone her because of that but they don't respect her and most won't want a woman like that for a relationship and she's going to find it pretty tough to find a guy in the future who is okay with getting with the town bike for a long term relationship.
I mean would you be comfortable being with a guy you love and every time you go out there are three or four people there boasting about having banged him? I doubt you would, well for us guys that can be ten times worse.
Most guys your age will go for the easy lay for an easy lay and nothing more. But most men don't want that kind of woman in any way seriously and who probably has all sorts of STD's.
OP don't be jealous of her, she's getting the wrong kind of attention and besides you don't have that in you. You'd probably feel used and degraded.
If there's a guy you like, make a little extra effort to hang out with him, maybe ask him for a coffee or to the cinema and take it from there.
OP male attention isn't the be all and all of life. These days you're allowed to make the initial moves.
OP never compare yourself in life to a person who lives a way that's not the way you do things.
If you want inspiration look to the girls who have been with one guy for years now, girls who date in a way that would work for you.
Don't look at some girl that guys think is lower than dirt and who has a reputation for being a slag, it may work for her now but it'll work against her in the future.
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A
female
reader, largentsgirl89 +, writes (23 May 2013):
 They do if all they are looking for is sex. This girl is easy and most guys just want sex. Especially ones that young in age. Don't change who you are just to please a guy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): Why do so many girls go for the bad-boy types? They get into trouble, lie, and treat them like dirt. Yet they just fall more deeply in love with them.The reason boys like them; is because they "think" these girls are easy. They hope they'll have a chance at having sex with them. They don't trust them as girlfriends; but she knows they fantasize about girls like that. The problem with this kind of behavior is, once word gets out, her reputation is tarnished. Even worse, boys can be pretty nasty when they can't have their way. So they set her up to be ridiculed and taunted by other guys, and jealous girls.They start spreading rumors, eventually they treat her like dirt. Then when she finds someone she really likes, her past catches up with her. The unfortunate thing is, you can't change the past. Some girls do exactly what is said about them. They just want to be popular. They want attention.Don't down yourself because you don't wish to compete with girls who get too popular with boys for all the wrong reasons. Sometimes they haven't been with as many boys as you think.Stupid boys will spread rumors for their own benefit, and to look cool to other boys. Jealous girls spread even worse rumors; so, sometimes things get blown pretty much out of proportion. She will regret it when she looks back on it someday. She probably thinks she's just popular because she's pretty, and likes all the attention. What she may not know, is that she is getting the type of reputation that you describe in your post. It spreads around school, and most of it may not even be true. It would probably hurt her feelings knowing her popularity is based on being loose and easy with boys. Just don't you be a part of the people trying to hurt her. Don't get caught up in vicious gossip to hurt anyone. She is a person and a human being with feelings just like you.Sometimes there are pretty girls who are still virgins, and have never done anything; but lies are spread about them just the same. It could even happen to you. You should really just feel sorry for her, and just continue being yourself and do what you think is right for you.You'll know that when a boy likes you, he likes you for you. Not for some cheap reputation; or stories put out by a lot of gossipy mean-spirited people.
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