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This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Can you get that wet just from kissing?
Q. Hi! Yesterday we were in bed with my boyfriend and we were kissing (we haven't had sex yet) and I got really wet and I got embarrassed and I didn't want him to notice so we didn't go any further. Is ir normal to get that wet from just kissing?...
A. 8 August 2013: It is normal to get wet when you are turned on, and it is normal to be turned on by kisses. Most guys will get a hard on just by being next to a girl in bed, no kissing needed. So yes, quite normal!... (read in full...)
Am I boring because I don't want sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend almost seven months now. At the moment, I'm still very up and down about sexual things and doing sexual things with my boyfriend. This is the most comfortable I've ever been with a boy before, but I'm just not feeling ...
A. 8 August 2013: Forgot about your real question: no it doesn't make you boring, it just makes you a very normal 17 year old. ... (read in full...)
Am I boring because I don't want sex?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend almost seven months now. At the moment, I'm still very up and down about sexual things and doing sexual things with my boyfriend. This is the most comfortable I've ever been with a boy before, but I'm just not feeling ...
A. 8 August 2013: " I can't be bothered to do anything remotely sexual because it makes me feel uneasy and a bit indecent"
That's not the sign of someone asexual, it sounds more like you're not just sexually attracted to him. This could be because you aren't a... (read in full...)
I cant accept the fact that my boyfriend lost his virginity to some other girl
Q. I'm 24 years old and I have been with my boyfriend just over a year and he is my first boyfriend. It wasn't because i was raised in a very conservative family. I just couldn't find a guy that likes me back and I also like. I have rejected couple of ...
A. 8 August 2013: I think your feelings come from him saying this:
"I'm his first love and he did tell me he regrets losing his virginity to someone else not me. He wishes we'd met earlier and how he would rather think of me as his first and only girlfrie... (read in full...)
I cheated on my boyfriend and told him, when I suggested splitting up he cried and begged me to stay, but the thing is I am much more attracted to the other guy than to my boyfriend
Q. Guys, I need help, I think I'm going mad. I've been in this relationship now for around 9 years. We love each other, but many a time during the first few years I slipped and cheated on my excellent boyfriend. I told him and we managed to work ...
A. 8 August 2013: I actually don't think you deserve the harshness. Fair enough, cheating is both mean, selfish and cruel, but it's not like your boyfriend is mr. innocent. He knew what he was getting himself into after the first time you cheated, so everything after ... (read in full...)
What are some of the good things that can come from having sex with my boyfriend?
Q. I hear a lot about the negative side of sex and bad things that could happen from having sex. What are some of the benefits of having sex? What are some of the positive outcomes that would/could result in having sex with my boyfriend?...
A. 6 August 2013: Funny, I've almost never heard of any BAD things that can come from sex? Of course, there's STI's, but if you get tested and wear protection then sex isn't something you should be scared of having. Maybe it's the conservative anti premarital sex ... (read in full...)
What are the chances of me finding a man who has never had a one night stand or casual sex?
Q. What are the chances of me finding a man who has never had a one night stand or casual sex? No offence to anyone here but I find that kind of behaviour revolting and it makes me see them as a lesser. I'm 26 now and this worries me. I was appalled ...
A. 5 August 2013: I don't think it's impossible at all to find a guy who hasn't had a one night stand. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys want to sleep with anything that moves.
But OP, ask yourself if there is a difference between not having had a one nigh... (read in full...)
One white lie and my boyfriend ended the relationship. How can I fix this mistake?
Q. So recently I told my boyfriend a white lie, take in mind we've been together over a year and this is honestly the first lie I've ever told him, we've usually been open books with each other. It was something so stupid on my part and I take ful...
A. 4 August 2013: There is more to this story. Normally, no one would care about whether or not you had a drink or two. But there was more to it, something else happened or didn't happen, because of you drinking. I wonder what? Because this is the true reason for why ... (read in full...)
At what point is it OK to buy lingerie for your girlfriend?
Q. Me and my gf have been seeing for a year and a half now . I’m thinking I would like to get a special gift. I’m thinking about lingerie. when is it ok to lingerie for your girlfriend? Any advice about getting lingerie for a girlfriend? Is that ...
A. 3 August 2013: You can buy her lingerie if 1) you already have an active and good sex life, and 2) she likes fancy lingerie. If you've never seen her in fancy lingerie before, then don't buy it for her.
Lingerie is like perfume, it is either a hit or a miss. Yo... (read in full...)
Dear Cupid is very much appreciated.
Q. Hello, forgive me that this is not a question but I would really like to say that I used this site approx one year ago and with the many opinions and advice from you people my life has now turned around. Looking back I can see clearly that the adv...
A. 3 August 2013: It's so great to hear these stories, I know I too have benefited from the advice of the many people on here. It's great that there are so many who want to give advice, because the different opinions we get help a lot in seeing things from several ... (read in full...)
I asked my girlfriend to move in but she wants me to tell her what I plan for the future. I'm not sure what I want yet, what do I do?
Q. I am 25 and I recently asked my girlfriend of 4 years to move in with me. She is 28. She told me she needed to think about it for a few days, but when she came back she told me she couldn't decide until she knew for certain whether I want marriage ...
A. 2 August 2013: "I feel we are ready to move in together, but I haven't given a lot of thought to anything further than that"
Then give it a thought. Seems obvious. Why do you need to postpone your future? Why not ask yourself the questions she's asking you? Whe... (read in full...)
Does a man get attached to a virgin when he is her first?
Q. Hello everyone. I would love to hear some opinions. We all know that females tend to get attached to the man they lose their virginity to. BUT on the flip side.... Do men get attached to a virgin when she loses her virginity to HIM? I...
A. 2 August 2013: No. But he may feel attached if he lost his virginity to her. However it depends on the person. Not every woman gets attached to the one she first has sex with. ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't get hard..is it because he is ill?
Q. Alright, so. My boyfriend and I are extremely close and open with each other. And recently we engaged-- or tried to -- in sex. He couldn't get hard enough. Now. I wasn't mad or anything, frustrated, or annoyed. He tried to play with himself,...
A. 1 August 2013: I don't think there's anything seriously wrong, but if he doesn't find out what the problem is then he'll continue to not get it up... So, he should go see a doctor to get it sorted out so he can enjoy sex. What's the point in not going to see a ... (read in full...)
My friend is trying to get pregnant on purpose. Her b/f doesn't have a clue..do I tell him?
Q. My friends from school (lets call them sarah and matt to make it easier) have been with eachother for 9 years and from what I can see, their relationship is on the rocks. ? sarah confided in me last night that she has stopped taking her ...
A. 30 July 2013: Dont get involved. It is Matts respomsibility to wear a condom. If you want to get involved (and lose a friend), then tell him. But honestly.. This is between them. Id stay out of it.... (read in full...)
I am hurt that my boyfriend of 4 years is going on a 3-month music tour without consulting this with me!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years is a music teacher, and I just found out he has agreed to go on a 3 month tour with his friend's band (their normal bassist can't do it) without thinking to discuss it with me. I am so hurt! Surely after 4 years this is so...
A. 30 July 2013: Oh please, more and more people do not marry these days, you can't call a 4-year relationship "just dating" any longer. At that stage, people move in together and many already have children together. It is a 4-year relationship, not a two week ... (read in full...)
After a night of passion he told me he isn't looking for a relationship but wants to continue meeting up for sex. I was embarrassed and hurt so I liead and said I wanted the same thing but I don't.
Q. I had a night of passion with a regular in the bar where i work. He is very nice and i really liked him. Then i met him again twice more. Im so embarassed because he said to me this morning that he hopes i dont expect anyting from him as he doesnt ...
A. 30 July 2013: Why are you so embarrassed and feeling like a fool? It is a compliment to him that you like him. Doesn't matter if he doesn't like you back, thats his loss.
Be honest. You do NOT have anything to lose, and you will not lose face unless you your... (read in full...)
My boyfriend flirts shamelessly with other women but freaks out if he sees me with another man. Why do men flirt when they are in a happy relationship?
Q. My boyfriend is 3 years older than me we've been together for 4 years and lived together for 3 years. He's very sweet and always compliment me and tell me I'm beautiful. His problem is that he likes to flirt and I know its harmless but its getting ...
A. 30 July 2013: Men in happy relationships don't go outside for more "action" or ego boosts. Your boyfriend is holding a double standard. So what if a guy hugs you, YOU are the one who is entitled to tell him off if he gets too close. You are not your boyfriends ... (read in full...)
My husband's semen changed consistency. Does this mean he's cheated?
Q. My husband has always had very thick, gloopy semen. He lost interest in sex a year ago. A full physical and blood workup proved him to be healthy. He started taking Cialis. We had sex 1 time since he began the Cialis , 1 month ago. His semen was ...
A. 29 July 2013: Do you have any education about sex? Why would his semen we indicative of anything other than the semen itself?
No, it does not mean he cheated. Semen comes from inside HIS body, not from the woman he has sex with. ... (read in full...)
Would it be an insult to get my wife an anniversary card after I cheated on her with a prostitute?
Q. I admitted to my wife just after Christmas that I'd cheated on her with a prostitute. I regret my behaviour very much and have no intention of ever repeating it. My wife is trying to forgive me and we're still together, but she doesn't wear her ...
A. 29 July 2013: No gift or card. She said your marriage is over, this is something new. So no celebration of the past marriage that is in ruins. That would just be rubbing salt in the wound.
Rather, try to "celebrate" whatever new anniversaries you have. Bu... (read in full...)
I am hurt that my boyfriend of 4 years is going on a 3-month music tour without consulting this with me!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years is a music teacher, and I just found out he has agreed to go on a 3 month tour with his friend's band (their normal bassist can't do it) without thinking to discuss it with me. I am so hurt! Surely after 4 years this is so...
A. 29 July 2013: The OP doesn't say she wants a veto in this, nor does she say she can't handle the distance. If he had asked her, I believe she would have supported him in it and wanted him to go..! By the sounds of her post she would. Not that it matters, but ... (read in full...)
Dildo insertion is uncomfortable - I am a virgin. Any advice?
Q. Question: I have a vibrator/dildo (and I'm a virgin), and when I insert it, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel (really) bad, just kinda uncomfortable. Am I do something wrong? Any advice? [i use some lube]...
A. 29 July 2013: There's a BIG difference between masturbation and sex with another person. You'll still be a virgin by almost all definitions, because you still haven't had sex with someone else... Otherwise a man could for example "lose" his virginity by humping a ... (read in full...)
Are there any natural ways I can make my period any lighter for tonight?
Q. So my boyfriend and I recently had to move back into our parents' house for a few months until September. We've planned a night away tonight seeing as we haven't been able to get any private time the past few weeks, but I woke up this morning and I ...
A. 29 July 2013: Use a tampon. Take it out when he puts the condom on, it should be fine then for about 30 min. Depends on how heavy your period is, but mine is heavy at the start, and it works for me. I still get aroused and wet even if there is a tampon there ... (read in full...)
Dildo insertion is uncomfortable - I am a virgin. Any advice?
Q. Question: I have a vibrator/dildo (and I'm a virgin), and when I insert it, it doesn't feel good. It doesn't feel (really) bad, just kinda uncomfortable. Am I do something wrong? Any advice? [i use some lube]...
A. 29 July 2013: The vibrator is to be used on your clitoris, not to be inserted. Try it out, hope you will feel better once you use it right. ... (read in full...)
I am hurt that my boyfriend of 4 years is going on a 3-month music tour without consulting this with me!
Q. My boyfriend of 4 years is a music teacher, and I just found out he has agreed to go on a 3 month tour with his friend's band (their normal bassist can't do it) without thinking to discuss it with me. I am so hurt! Surely after 4 years this is so...
A. 29 July 2013: Your feelings are justified, that was extremely selfish of him. The decision affects you too, so ofcourse you shold have been consultet. The fact he doesnt understand this just shows you where he stands in this relationship: he thinks of himself as ... (read in full...)
When do you tell a woman you have had a vasectomy?
Q. If a man has had a vasectomy, when is he obligated to tell the woman he is dating or interested in dating? What I am wondering is, if one decided to disclose this immediately, how would one bring this up on a first date? "So, what are your i...
A. 29 July 2013: You can disclose this early on by asking her what she wants for the future. Does she want marriage, kids, house and a dog? Is she a career woman who wants to climb high in her career, and take kids/marriage as it comes? What is she looking for? ... (read in full...)
I suck at riding my man. Can someone explain the motion to me?
Q. Every time I try to have sex in the woman on top position it feels awkward. I feel like I'm not moving properly and it doesn't feel good for my boyfriend. I tried to watch porn videos and read about it to learn how to move but it's not helpful. ...
A. 29 July 2013: As for the hands, place them on his chest for support. Lean on him, grab at him. Or hold on to your ancles if you are in straight sittong position. But I recommend leaning closer to him and placing your hands on his chest.... (read in full...)
I suck at riding my man. Can someone explain the motion to me?
Q. Every time I try to have sex in the woman on top position it feels awkward. I feel like I'm not moving properly and it doesn't feel good for my boyfriend. I tried to watch porn videos and read about it to learn how to move but it's not helpful. ...
A. 29 July 2013: Move your hips, not your butt... Its called thrusting. And it is the same thing you should do when he is on top. Thrust your hips to meet his thrusts. Dont lay still like a matress, that will not give you or him any sexual satisfaction. If you want ... (read in full...)
Do guys notice the signs that girls give off when flirting/trying to get the attention of complete strangers?
Q. I have been looking at the flirting/giving signals of interest from girls to complete strangers. This is what I seemed to notice: they could probably happen anywhere, but these are where I was. At the big supermarkets, if a guy she is not inter...
A. 28 July 2013: I've never noticed this myself, but it sounds probable. Girls tend to believe a guy should do all the work, while she just stands around and looks pretty. As if THAT would be enough to get a guys attention. Of course, absolutely no guy on earth ... (read in full...)
Do I believe the things he tells me when he's sober or when he's drunk?
Q. I have been talking to this guy for a while now. We were once best friends but we have decided to take our relationship a little further. (we're not officially together though). He likes to go drinking with his friends but he's not a heavy dri...
A. 28 July 2013: When you drink you lose your inhibition. Hes telking you the truth when under the influence, however his feelings at the time when he is drunk could be exaggerated, and appear stronger than when he is sober. When I am drunk I want to marry...When I ... (read in full...)
If I say yes to his marriage proposal will he later change his mind about me having girlfriends?
Q. Hi I'm hoping I can get some real life experience answers here. The situation is I'm bisexual. I've been dating a Guy for 2 years and I love him deeply. He's none since the day we met that I'm bi and he's never had a problem with me dating a woman ...
A. 27 July 2013: I think you're looking at this from the wrong angle. I don't think there is anything wrong in having an open marriage, but I do not think you are seeing the consequences of your actions here.
I am a bisexual as well. However unlike you, I prefer... (read in full...)
I ruined my boyfriend's friendship without meaning to, how can I fix the situation?
Q. Hello all. As background:My boyfriend has always been concerned of whom I talk to. To the point where he feels my male friends or males that try to talk to me are all trying to get me into bed according to him. This triggered me drawing myself f...
A. 27 July 2013: How long have you been with your boyfriend? How old is he? What does he do for a living? How does he manage his depression, does he get treatment? Or are your his therapist?
I know you don't want to hear this, and I am sure I can't make you beli... (read in full...)
What are men's opinions on girls who watch porn?
Q. what are men's opinions on girls who watch porn? Should we keep it to ourselves and lie to our bf/husband or fess up?...
A. 27 July 2013: What do you mean "fess up"? To me, fessing up means you've admitting to something. But it's no crime to watch porn, and there's no need to keep it a secret, hence no need to "fess up" either. If he asks, just tell the truth. If he doesn't ask, then ... (read in full...)
How strange is it to feel relatively normal so soon after leaving a bad relationship?
Q. I left an abusive relationship about a month ago. In retrospect, I wonder why I put up with the screaming and cursing, the threats of violence, the baseless accusations of cheating, and the infliction of pain and discomfort (e.g., puckering up as ...
A. 27 July 2013: I don't think it is strange at all to feel normal after ending such a relationship. People are different, some heal faster than others, but something people tend to have in common is that they feel relief when they get out of a situation that was ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is addicted to sports news and it's driving me insane
Q. Help. My bf is addicted to sports news. When he wakes up in the morning he has to watch and read sports news on tv, he listens to more than 5 radio stations consecutively just to hear sports news which is more or less repeatitive anyway. During the ...
A. 26 July 2013: Tell him to tone it down while he's with you. That you want more of his attention to be on you (or anything else!) and not sports. When he's on his own he can go crazy and watch sports all day, but when with you he needs to tone it down. Then define ... (read in full...)
How do I resolve my feelings about my sexuality? Should I wait until I have my first crush on a girl?
Q. I think im bi. Not completely positive, but i will see another girl sometimes and be totally turned on. Like girls my age. i KNOW i like boys though. but i dont know how to tell my parents or anything. its so wierd. I dont really know what im asking ...
A. 26 July 2013: Why would you have to tell your parents? I think it's necessary. No one tells their parents they are heterosexual. So why would you announce being bisexual? Or homosexual, for that matter. Why the need to announce it to your parents? I understand ... (read in full...)
After a month boyfriend wants to have sex but I don't think I'm ready yet
Q. Ok, i have known my boyfriend for a month now he wants to have sex in a way i do too but then i realize im not ready. What should i do?...
A. 26 July 2013: How old are you? Are you a virgin?
The basic answer based on such little information is: just tell him you're not ready. ... (read in full...)
He didn't tell me at first that he had kids even though I specified I didn't want to date someone with kids. Now what?
Q. Well I met my boyfriend online over a month ago. I specifically said I don't want someone with kids. I was seeing him for about 2 weeks when we decided to make it official then he told me he has 2 kids. I let it go because at the time I thought I ...
A. 26 July 2013: Look, you've been with him online for a month. You dont love him, you barely even know him. And he led you on by not telling you about the kids until after he got you "hooked". No question about it, end this before it goes any further. ... (read in full...)
My new man's sex drive is just so not on a par with mine and I think his deep love & affection for me is adversely affecting his sex drive!
Q. I was in a dysfunctional relationship for almost 8 years, I have to confess that is was largely because the sex was good, I was 33 when I met him and for the first time I was able to orgasm through penetrative sex and I guess I got addicted. My ...
A. 24 July 2013: " In the beginning when the subject of sex came up he told me he liked sex alot"
He can like it a lot, yet not want it all the time. Not wanting it often doesn't mean he isn't really enjoying it when he is in the mood for it. But his drive is... (read in full...)
If you have cheated before, are you not worthy of any future relationships? Are cheaters really 'red flags'?
Q. I have read so many questions and responses on DC. The most common response or feedback is IF HE OR SHE HAS CHEATED ON HIS/HER GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND OR WIFE/HUSBAND BEFORE, YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH HIM/HER BECAUSE HE/SHE WOULD DO THE SAME TO YOU! ...
A. 23 July 2013: Give me a break, cheaters and abusers dont change because of generalization? BS. They dont change because they dont want to. If they wanted to change they would. To have a will of your own is crucial, and to blame a lack of will on others is nothing ... (read in full...)
Does my sister fit the "passive-aggressive" label?
Q. Does anyone know someone with passive aggressive personality disorder? I believe my sister has this. She has always caused trouble, not so much now she's moved out. I will describe her behaviour which has started becoming quite obvious to me that ...
A. 22 July 2013: There is no such thing as passive aggressive personality disorder. Being passive aggressive isn't a personality disorder.
She doesn't even sound passive aggressive, she just sounds mean. It could, however, be genetic. It could also be learned ... (read in full...)
What do guys visualise during sex?
Q. Hi just a quick qn about men and sex! Sorry if its crude :-) Sometimes when I have sex with my boyfriend and he is behind me doing all the work doggy style I look back and he has his eyes open. Then when I am on top doing the work he keeps hi...
A. 22 July 2013: Oh, you've really got a bad case of insecurity! No, he's not thinking about other women just because he close his eyes sometimes during sex! He's enjoying himself, and you, and the sex. That's what he's doing. He's probably not imagining anything, ... (read in full...)
My new man's sex drive is just so not on a par with mine and I think his deep love & affection for me is adversely affecting his sex drive!
Q. I was in a dysfunctional relationship for almost 8 years, I have to confess that is was largely because the sex was good, I was 33 when I met him and for the first time I was able to orgasm through penetrative sex and I guess I got addicted. My ...
A. 23 June 2013: I don't think there's any psychological explanation for this, like him being too much of a "good guy" or something like that. I think he just lacks the sex drive. He's happy with once every two weeks. That's enough for him. His need is less than ... (read in full...)
| *higirl's friends
These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
added them and they have added *higirl!
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![kitty-cat=] agony aunt](/avatars/4e276644-588c-43d2-bf37-fe35b92660b5.png){kind=small}
