A
female
age
51-59,
*von
writes:My boyfriend and I were dating for 2 years and we had sex every day then everything stopped and nothing happened negative between us. I was shocked and beyond upset one day I found erotic pictures of him dressed completely as a woman. He started crossdressing around the same time he got diagnosed with a nerve pain disorder in his face and has to take a lot of medicine for it. I asked him if he stopped initiating sex because he just liked to dress up and masturbate. He would always say no..too tired etc. Now he says its the medicine. We broke up for a few months and he moved out because of the crossdressing. A few months later we got back togther and still i had to always initiate sex. I cant stand it and makes me feel unattractive. I know he loves me because he chose to get back together. Does anyone else have problems with their sex life and a crossdressing boyfriend? Now we might break up because of the crossdressing. I cant deal with it. Dont like it![Moderator Note: Two questions combined into one post]My boyfriend had been dating for 2 yrs and we had sex every day. Then suddenly the sex just stopped and nothing negative ever happened between us. There is like no passionate kissing either! Then I was shocked and so upset because I found erotic pictures of him on the computer dressed as a full on women in every way. It seems that he stopped initiating sex when he started cross dressing but he was also diagnosed with a facial pain disorder around the same time where he has to take a lot of drugs and pain killers and his lip used to hurt so much he couldnt eat. I told him I thought he wasn't having sex with me because he didnt find me attractive anymore. He always denied it. Then I said it must be the cross dressing ..you get off on yourself and just masturbate. he said no. Now he says its because of all the medication (it effects libido apparently) and hes so tired all the time and his lip still hurts sometimes or is afraid it might hurt to kiss. Have any women out there had a problem with their boyfriends or husbands cross dressing and being sexual? He moved out when I found out about the cross dressing and we broke up for a few months. We ended up getting back together and have a great time but the sex issue is till the same. I think he loves me or wouldnt have come back and stayed but I cant deal with not having a great sex life and not knowing what the real issue is ...me..his sexual orientation (when he moved out he slept w some men) never knew he was into that!..the cross dressing or the medication!!! Now we might break up again and weve been together 5 years. But I can not deal with the cross dressing. I do not like it and dont trust him anymore because of everything. Any input would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
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broke up, drugs, get back together, kissing, libido, moved out, sex life Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): I totally understand the confused loyalties being in a relationship whereby my current (partner) even when using the term loosely, is a male cross dresser. ..we'd met 14yrs ago.. had a short term relationship as he worked abroad, but rekindled a few months back.. I have no problem at all with him cross dressing and support him fully this way. I'm madly in love with him and always have been.. the difficulty is loving someone and the feeling of sexual rejection by the person you would hope to spend the rest of your life with... I ask myself.. what satisfaction is there in this relationship for me... the answer is NONE! We meet up and we can be friends.. and I'm someone for him to confide in.. However, the cross dressing has become more dominant and selfish to the point where at some point I will say detached with love. He's heterosexual. Has tried the bisexual role but decided this is not for him and I believe him implicitly.. I'm a gap filler and someone to confide in.. but I know deep down I'm not! His Mrs Right... Id never stop loving him or being his friend but everyone deserves to love and be loved back... I wish all cross dressers would have been allowed to be themselves years ago as the novelty with it being more socially acceptable appears to make it an obsessional novelty and a very self indulgent one at that...
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reader, JoanneForever +, writes (22 January 2016):
I can speak from my own situations, I was married in the past and I was (am) a crossdresser, I dressed more and more every day, it got to the point where I wanted sex only from men and I changed my appearance drastically ie: grew out my hair, grew long fingernails, had my eyebrows waxed, pierced my ears then I had my hair colored and styled in a feminine look. I was stealing my mother in laws estrogen and when I went out, I always wore womens undergarments, blouses, slacks, flats, sometimes even heels, perfume and makeup. My wife told me everyone knew I was gay and would not invite us out any more. My wife caught me one day, completely dressed and with a man, she divorced me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2014): Dear anonymous writer,I would love to communicate with you about this. [Mod note: you could create an account so that the user could send you a PM.] It might be really helpful for the both of us. How have you accepted his cross dressing? I cant seem to accept it...it kind grosses me out and find it narcissistic and an addictive unhealthy behavior. Your thoughts? My boyfiend is on [redacted].com with all kinds of sexy pics of himself dressed up. I dont get it why they have to dress so sexy like that.Do you? He gets all kinds of responses ...your hot..i wont you..etc. I think it is an ego boost for him. I always wonder if he is messaging back privately. It makes me feel awful and untrusting. He does it on facebook too. It states on [redacted] if the person is interested in dating or just friends does the website your bf is on state that?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 April 2014): I am actually dating someone that cross dresses . Though i am very supportive of his lifestyle , my only issue is that he joined this website thats specifically for dating because he wanted to make friends and he will post seductive pictures and always brag about how many people want him. It gets so annoying and i think he wants a reaction but i never give him one . He wants to hang out with girls like him and i understandtththat but he doesn't understand that someone on a dating site isn't going to want to be friends . All he says is that i just don't understand . Thats my only issue right now with him but totally understand where you are coming from . I hope it gets better and know your not alone . There are not support sites for women in this situation.
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reader, evon +, writes (28 March 2014):
evon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo Wise Owl.You think he is lying to me and HIMSELF about his sexuality choice? I can see his fetlife action and he only looks at pictures of women or crossdressers. he said he only had sex with men experimentally to see what it feels like to be a woman and it was mechanical and he prefers women really but he states on the site that he is pansexual. He never moved back in with me and his own place but basically has just been staying here for the past 7 months. His choice. Why would he not initiate sex? He chooses to be here and with me. I told him to GO if he wants to go do those things and he says he doesnt want to end things. Doesnt he want a good sex life? Still dont know if its is medication..sexuality..me or what? I don think many womend would be comfortable with a crossdresser. Im open minded but is a real turn off for me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): You do understand. You just want things back like they used to be.
You don't want to live under these conditions. Do you really? He's lying to you. Telling you what you want to hear; to keep the peace, and to get you off his back. He hasn't stopped cross-dressing; and he isn't going to stop being attracted to men either.
Telling him to just go out and get people is a little silly isn't it?
What kind of response do you expect for that kind of comment?
You'll be happier when you accept the truth, and kick him out. Keep rationalizing and lying to yourself. The truth keeps staring you in the face. He is not the kind of man you want. You can do better.
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female
reader, evon +, writes (28 March 2014):
evon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to add on that several times recently Ive said if you want a be a crossdresser or be with men or other women just go dot that. And dhe just keeps saying no I live you and want to be with you. I dont understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2014): Your boyfriend only moved back in; because you pressured him to comeback. If he has slept with men; and now he doesn't seem to be interested in you; maybe men he has found his sexual preference. Men!
Many men live a double-life. Hiding the fact that they have a sexual attraction to men; but living as a heterosexual for the most part. Yes, they can very much enjoy regular sex with women; but then there may be a shift in desire. He may be more attracted to men. After a time of introspection and experimentation, he might decide to explore his hidden gay desires. That being intimate with other men.
You are going to have to start the process of detaching from this man as a romantic partner. He is identifying with femininity; and cross-dressing DOES mean more to him than you do. It's out in the open now, so he doesn't intend to stop.
When he had to make the choice, he chose cross-dressing. It's not like he's cramming it all down your throat, you are desperately holding on, and acting like this is some kind of phase. It's not. This is who he is. As bazaar as it may seem to you. That's what he has been hiding.
You are in denial and not accepting the fact that he is no longer attracted to you sexually. He's making up excuses and blaming his medicine. He hid the fact that he was a cross-dresser; he also hid the fact he is bi-sexual, leaning toward homosexual. Counseling and therapy will not change this. It is a part of his nature.
You may as well become roommates, if you must keep him as a friend. Pressuring him to be your sex-partner will eventually drive him out of your life. Of course he came back. It's cheaper to have someone to share expenses, and he cares about you as a person. He just doesn't need you as a lover anymore.
You have to come to terms with reality; and stop forcing yourself to deal with things about him you cannot accept.
You have to break through the childish denial, and face the fact that your boyfriend has homosexual tendencies; and he is no longer attracted to you sexually. Not because you're unattractive; but because he has been deceitful. He can no longer pretend for your benefit. He is out of the closet.
He may be telling the truth about his medication having side-effects; but I think that is a convenient excuse. You can look up his medication online, and determine what the side-effects are, or ask any pharmacist. You don't have to take his word about that.
I hope you will be able to eventually let go, move on; and find someone else who can be the man you want in your life.
The relationship you once had with your boyfriend has run its course, and he has accepted his homosexual-side. Cross-dressing has become a regular activity in his life.
It is also possible he may be undergoing gender-reassignment; and there are many details he is hiding from you. You are so deep in denial, you can't see the forest for the trees. You are such a desperate woman, and I truly feel for your you.
If you've overlooked so many things about him, you may be letting your age make you believe he's the best you can do. You are a mature woman in your 40's, and holding-on so tight to keep someone like him. Even with the facts before you, you continue to ignore them. What other reason could someone torture themselves so? Love is blind, but not stupid.
I don't think you really want a cross-dressing bisexual man for a boyfriend. No, it isn't going to go away. Although the cross-dressing is a choice; his sexual orientation is not. You post is evidence that you are not able to live with it. So kick his deceitful ass to the curb, and start getting your life back in order. If you don't trust him,
and don't like the cross-dressing, why are putting up with him in your house?
You will find another man, and you will find love gain.
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reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 He's probably been this way his whole life so you have to consider that he has not been honest with you about who he was right from the start of the 2 years.
Some men can be incredibly selfish, they want a girlfriend but they also want a secret life...they want two separate existences and they completely disregard the feelings of their partner just so they can have everything their way.
He knows you love him and if you take him back time after time, he knows he has a good chance of you accepting the cross dressing (because it means more to him than you do and he will never give it up)He knows he can wear you down because you are so dependant on the relationship...he has no intention of doing things your way or having a compromise.
I don't want to attack cross dressers (both men and women) because I believe everyone should be allowed to be who they are without contest, but I do think they do their partners a diservice by not being honest from the start and allowing that partner to make an informed choice whether to saty in the relationship.
Some couples do find acceptance and tolerance whereas others choose to part.
The most telling part of your post is that you say you do not trust him anymore and this is totally understandable...because he was lying to you and is now changing the way you two have intimate relations because he wants things his way...it is selfish and he needs to realise he cannot fool you and fob you off with lame excuses and shitty behaviour.
He has the right to cross dress and be who he is, but he doesn't have the right to keep you in a relationship which is unsatisfactory for you.
I don't think this lifestyle is for you and I don't think anyone would blame you for ending it and finding someone who doesn't live this way.
I hope you figure it out xxxxx
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reader, Atsweet1 +, writes (28 March 2014):
 If you dont like him cross dressing its best to break up he not go stop.I wouldn't if its something I like and enjoy. Its not fair to you to be put through it thats most likely why he dont sleep with you. I would break up with you if you didnt like my cross dressing cause to be with me you have to accept all my innuendos and fetishes and kinks if not bye someone else will be glad to be in your spot. Its more fish in the sea.
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