A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't stop thinking about my ex-girlfriend. We broke up 6 months ago. I asked her out for drinks tonight; she said she will let me know but she never text me back. I am here over thinking and trying to get my mind off but I am going crazy. I love her, and I want to be with her; I don't want to mess things up with her. What should I do next? I just deleted her number again.... I just cant' deal with this any longer......
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (23 March 2014):
 You are avoiding the issues because you dont want to hurt or get hurt...but you are both already hurting???!!!!
Why can't you start a family with her. I work for maternity services and we have loads of women who have children with their same sex partners...If you have sex with guys just to have kids, when you know you are a lesbian...isn't that using the guy??
If you are looking for perfect, it probably doesn't exist.
You want to be happy and you were happy with her....doesn't that make it damn near perfect??
You have no idea how lucky you are to even find someone you love so much, it's not easy, whatever sexuality you are.
Could you raise a family with her? Is that what she'd like too??
I hope you figure it out xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you AuntyEm,One of the main reason I don't persuade her is because I am not sure if I am ready to come out; and I don't want to hurt her. It was extremely difficult to face the idea that I am in love with a women and all the consequences that comes with it; specially my family. She is a masculine-like lesbian and she did not wanted to be in the closet so she left me. I started to see a therapist and dated a few guys but I don't feel attracted to them. I am still trying, because I am getting old and I need to start a family; I am keeping my hopes up. I was honest with her and I told her that I was out there dating and looking for that perfect match. She has also dated a few girls after the break up; but we didn't go too much into details of our feelings. I also tried to avoid the subject; I don't want to get hurt and I don't want to hurt her either. I want to be happy, I really do. When, I look back into our relationship, I was so happy..... I am not going to block her all together; but seeing her makes it very difficult.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (23 March 2014):
Why arn't you being honest with her?
You need to tell her how you feel. It seems you have confused her by wanting to be her girlfriend but by not coming out, it's creating a barrier for the relationship to go forward.
I guess it's a difficult time for any person who is waiting for the right time to reveal their sexuality, so you probably need to deal with that first and nobody should or can force you.
It seems you are both testing the water by suggesting 'double dating'...you both know you have no intention of doing that because you are both into eachother.
You are just saying it to see if there are still feelings there...and there clearly are!!!
Do you intend to ever come out? Perhaps speaking to others about how they tackled it might help.
I think coming out at the same time as your girlfriend is quite a nice idea because you stand as a united front and support eachother.
There was no need to delete her number because this is far from over, but you cannot mess her around. Make a plan or a compromise or suggest just staying friends until you can figure yourself out. I see no reason to just block her out altogether.
Stay strong and keep your chin up xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe broke up because I couldn't come out of the closet with her. About two weeks ago we had dinner for the first time since the break up and we just talked about our dating life/ She asked me if I would go on a double date with her: I said sure, then she replied: "I don't think I can, I am not ready for that, but you are really over me"...she seem surprised.... I am not over her at all, and I am confused about her replied. but I still miss her so much.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2014): She must be an ex for a reason? Maybe a bit of background would help?
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