A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, I've been in a lovely relationship for 3.5 years now. Two years ago I took a big leap of faith and moved halfway across the world to be with this man (the first year we were both in the same city). Most days I am rather happy with this little life, but I can't help thinking about all that I'm missing. Basically, I've put things on hold for him (and they will be on hold for 2 more years until his time abroad is over.) We have started talking a bit about engagement and the future, and all I can think about is how futile that all is. As much as I can actually see myself marrying this man, I cannot reconcile waiting so long until I can be back in our home country to actually start this life together. Our relationship is obviously getting strained because of this. I know that if I leave him and move home there is nothing really there for me… but I am really only staying here for him, which seems wrong. Long distance doesn't work well for us, we tried. Plus, I'm wondering if this is just a manifestation of me getting cold feet regarding an impending engagement.Long story short… is it time to call it quits and go home? This is my first real relationship and I have no idea how to tell the difference between "homesickness troubles, " "fear of the unknown troubles, "and "time to break up troubles." Thoughts please?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (1 April 2014):
 You are truly stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Not happy in the relationship and nothing much going on at home.
Where do you feel most happy?
I think the worries over him are a little more than cold feet but you know the second you move away from him you are going to be wondering if you did the right thing???
I think life is like that. So many people force themselves into unsatisfactory relationships because they think it's what they should be doing...feelings and situations change and it's hard to stay if your heart isn't in it.
Home is where your family and friends are and those things seldom change but they are a good base for deciding where you will go next.
If there is unbounding love in your relationship and you cannot bear to be apart, it's probably best to stay...
If there isn't and you arn't sure, he's probably not the one.
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