A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf of 7 months saves photos of random nameless girls in his phone. A few of them are pornographic but most of them are girls in their lingerie. It isn't just a few photos but hundreds of them. Is this normal?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): As a guy that went through the same phase I can assure you that it's completely normal. Even after I got married, I used to look at women in lingerie for a few years. I loved my wife & we had a lot's of sex, but I still felt drawn towards images of women in lingerie. For men visual stimulation is a big thing. After years of watching porn & jerking off, it isn't easy to stop that one fine day. It isn't a switch that you can switch off & forget about. It takes time.
You should talk to him about it & let him know that it bothers you. Perhaps it would help if you bought some lingerie & wore it for him. The key is talking to hime.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2014): If it were me and I found a few, I would be a bit upset but if the relationship was new, I would talk to him. Normally if one person says that something upsets them the other adapts out of concern for their partner.
But,anything that is done to excess, no it is not normal. It is something that has become an obsession. It is a red flag. You could tell him that they put you off and ask if he can understand why and ask whether he would lose this habit if it made you feel happier.
The trouble is, what else does he have on his computer if this is on his phone? Does he visit prostitutes or use non line sex? These are things I would be wondering, just because he seems to have done thing rather a lot. Begs the question what is enough?
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 It's obviously normal for him but not so normal for you.
Images are everywhere!! and so easy to download and conceal, so I bet there are a lot of people making 'private collections' because we live in a society where we can pretty much indulge in whatever we want.
Maybe talk to him about it if you feel threatened or undermined, but if he wont stop, you can always dump him and find someone else!
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I don't think this is normal or acceptable. I mean, hundreds?! But before you scream and shout at each other, express your concerns. Obviously, this is bothering you. If you aren't okay with this, you have to let your partner know. He might surprise you and delete them. He might not. Ultimately, the decision is yours as to whether or not you are comfortable with this and how you plan to compromise or solve the problem.
Nevertheless, I would not like that nor would I tolerate it.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 I’m thinking has he ever been inspired to buy you lingerie from this collection of photographs? I can only imagine his purpose for keeping the few pornographic images! Sounds to me like he has either a bizarre hobby or lingerie fetish of some sort, putting it politely…
Perhaps the question is not whether this is normal, but is it acceptable?
Normal is to have hundreds photos of your girlfriend, family, friends and places you visit etc. Normal is generally pleasing to all…
A particular hobby or fetish however is unique to the individual’s interest. This can be offensive yet acceptable to like minded people and seen as normal, only to them.
More importantly, how do you find his collection; acceptable or offensive?
CAA
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (21 March 2014):
 I think it's rather tame honestly.
And I agree this day and age, it doesn't surprise me at all.
Would I like if my husband did that, no not at all. But I'd rather it was lingerie model then some closeup of women's privates.
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A
female
reader, Pr3tty_in_pink86 +, writes (21 March 2014):
Some women don't mind, I personally do mind. It's up to YOU.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (21 March 2014):
Normal for this day and age, yeah. 20 years ago it'd have been pretty wierd.
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