A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My bf and I have been together for 2 years. We're both in our early 30s. We only see each other on weekends when he comes over to my house to spend the weekend as he lives an hour away. He's never been very sexual, even at the beginning. He tells me that he used to have lots of sex when he was younger but that's not what matters to him. And I'm the opposite. I still have a high sex drive and want sex more than he does.We usually do it once a week but sometimes the weekend will go by without any action and it makes me a little mad. As if we're not really in a relationship because we don't have sex. We might as well just be friends. Even when I try to initiate, he will stop me. Am I being unreasonable? I feel like when we don't do it, that means I have to wait another week and that sucks. He doesn't see why it's so important to me.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 September 2013):
 you are not being unreasonable.
my husband did not start the no sex thing till we had been living together about 6months... he's only 40 and it sucks.
when we were LDR we went at it all the time...
once we moved in... forget it. I suggest you consider that it's only going to get worse...
now WiseOwle has a good idea about taking care of yourself for orgasms. And i do that... BUT as a man I'm wondering if he is missing the aspects of sex women crave more... for most of us it's not about the orgasms... rather it's the cuddles and the kisses and the closeness... are you getting that? if not, again it's only going to get worse.
for me I "tolerate" the lack of intercourse/sex because I get DAILY cuddles (serious cuddling on a daily basis... we set the alarm half an hour early so we can cuddle before we get up) and i get daily kisses... if I had a total wasteland of no affection I would not be happy.
I asked my husband once (to shake him up) if he minded if I took a lover.... HE was NOT amused... but it made my point... he stepped up his game a bit... now at least I get it every 6 weeks or so... before it was months and months... and we are not married that long....
TALK to him about it... tell him you would like him to have a complete medical work up including a hormonal check My hubby has borderline low T for man of 40 but we are not treating it yet....
if he has a complete bill of health and there are no mental issues such as depression then you should consider that his drive and yours do not match and if you want a traditional relationship (one man one woman) that you may have to either end this one or learn to live without.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): No you aren't being unreasonable. If it was the other way around, I'm sure he wouldn't like it. It seems like he has very low drive for a man of his age. I think in every relationship we all have different wants and needs & you try to find the person who is the best match. He doesn't sound like it. I would think in time, it would continue to decline.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 September 2013):
 No. You are not being unreasonable. I have opined about this subject in the past; and will give you my abridged version, herein:
IF two people have widely varying sexual appetites, it is almost impossible for them to have a successful and satisfying "relationship".... one of them will HAVE to "starve" whilest the other will be quite satisfied with things the way they are....
Sorry.
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 You're not being unreasonable. And it must hurt when he rejects you. But try not to get mad at him, or put demands on him, because if he doesn't want to have sex that's his right.
I think in a situation like this where the partners are simply mismatched, the best thing to do is end the relationship and move on. If it's something that's not likely to change then there's nothing really you can do. Pressuring him or getting mad at him won't help, but nor should you go without because it's obviously, and whatsmore very naturally important to you. So it might be time to take a good look at whether you want to be in a relationship with this guy in the long term.
Try and imagine how you will feel in a year, or five years, or ten years down the track.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Well, I guess this might be a question for lady aunts; but I'm going to offer my suggestion anyway.
You knew from the beginning that sex isn't a big thing with him. He was honest and straight forward; and has been consistent about it.
So you have to take care of yourself. You can purchase a classy and discreet lady sex-toy to compensate for the lean times. You don't have to suffer.
Men often masturbate when we aren't getting enough; and unfortunately for some women, when we are.
I have a feeling that frustration will help you to make a decision, and he may be out of the picture soon.
Just remember, you accepted the fact there wasn't much sex to begin with. Now you seem to be regretting the decision "two years" later. What's up with that?
I would say you have an incompatibility issue here, and you're at an impasse. He offers no compromise and offers no suggestions.
Maybe it's time to let him live the sexless life he appreciates, but without you.
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