A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends mother won't let her son live. She calls us when she's out of town (which is on the weekends)about every hour (up until 4 am!) asking if we are partying, or out drinking. We're both of age, so it shouldn't matter. We don't drink and drive, and to be honest, we've never been to the bars. She's always calling him during the day, asking where he is, what we're doing. She also doesn't like him driving over an hour away and when he comes to my house (which is about 50 mins away) she always tags along, because she thinks he'll have a wreck. Note: He's never had a wreck, and she doesn't drive! I understand that a mothers love is like no other, but isn't there a point in your childs life when you have to let go? Let them live a little?If it matters, I'm 22, he's 23.On his defense, he does always tell her that he's grown and to tone it down, but she doesn't listen.On Thanksgiving last year, we were at my house with my family, and his family wasn't doing anything, but around 7pm she started calling and saying "If you don't come back to Jackson (the city he lives in) then we're gonna come look for you. Like.... really? He couldn't even spend time with my family because she wanted him back by her side. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 September 2013):
 why is he answering his phone after the first "check in"?
he needs to start ACTING like he's an adult. Saying it is one thing... doing it another.
If his mom is calling, he does not have to answer the phone...
A
female
reader, Nime +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Sounds like you may have what's called a mother-enmeshed man (MEM) on your hands. If he cannot set AND enforce boundaries with his mother, you've got a BIG problem! Do yourself a favor and read: 'When He's Married to Mom' - Adams & Morgan. There's a nice checklist in there that will tell you if you're dealing with a MEM.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): As others have said, this is his issue to fix. You interfering can make the relationship between you and his mother bad... which can mean trouble for the future.
He needs to put his foot down and tell her to back off. I had to do it with my over protective mom. I would tell her where I was going and that's it. Love her to death, but when she continued to text call I turned off my phone.
There is caring and then there is intrusion.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (6 September 2013):
 I agree, this is not something YOU can fix. It's totally up to your boyfriend to sever those apron strings.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 September 2013):
 In any and all cases, this is HIS situation to tackle.... not yours.
That said, two questions about details come to mind:
1. Does he still live with his Mother?
2. Does he have good health insurance?
If the answer to No 1 is "yes," then there is a certain validity to "Mommy's" pandering.... thanks to the "my roof; my rules" rule. B/F can improve matters by taking a different address.
If the answer to No 1 is "No," then question 2 kicks in, because your B/F will need to start looking around and see if he can find a medicine man (I think it will be an orthopedic surgeon) who will implant a backbone in him.
Everything you described is in HIS purview to correct/change/improve...
Good luck....
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A
female
reader, Mariab  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 This is really not your problem to fix. Your boyfriend should deal with this with his mother. If he cannot communicate with her to make her understand her problem.... then unfortunately you need to let him go. Because this will be a problem for you two forever... possibly! She will be needy and involved in every plan you make! So your bf needs to learn to stand up to her. If not then I'm afraid.. He cannot be helped either! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): The mother in this case has some serious control issues I'm afraid. Her over-protection is ruining your lives. This is not caring and worrying like all parents do. She has detachment problems and is making her own anxiety your problem rather than dealing with it herself. She needs therapy. If she won't do that then I would strongly suggest you both move away and live you life in freedom. Sorry to be blunt.
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