A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Lately after sex with my girlfriend i have been asking her if she enjoyed it or if she had fun. Is this bad? And i don't know why i started asking her that. Maybe i feel like she does not enjoy it? By me asking would that make her less attracted to me? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 September 2013):
What's the point? She's going to tell you that it was good even if it was bad. What you should really do is pay attention to her and see how she reacts while you're having sex.
Try new things and see what she likes, every girl is different. For example, what worked on the girl I was with before my wife didn't do much for my wife. I had to adapt and now things are great.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Euphoric is right -- instead of asking the "Was that good for you" question, ask her open-ended questions, such as "What can I do to make you feel even better?". That would convey a love of sexual adventure versus a confidence check.
Ask her what her fantasies are for sex, like oral, or a different sort of nipple-play, or a different position, or you rubbing her feet, or something even more on the edge. Always change things up with it comes to sex, because a good set of skills only enhances sexual prowess and keeps things from getting stale.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): Absolutely, its good to communicate with your significant other! Ask them what they like or dislike, what are some fantasies' she has. Talk to her about and always ask for consent, consent is sexy! I hope this helped, and I promise I'm accusing you of being a rapist, but consent is awesome! Peace out!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2013): It could end up like what happens when a woman asks her BF if these pants makes her butt look fat. Don't ask questions you may not want an honest answer to.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (6 September 2013):
 if she is giving you any sort of feedback "oh that was great" or "honey you are wonderful" or any other compliments then NO do not ask.
if you get NOTHING from her in terms of feedback then maybe have a chat OUTSIDE of the bedroom to let her know you need feedback and is there anything you could do better....
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (6 September 2013):
Dear OP,
Contrary to the other agony aunts, I think that it's actually a good question to ask. Because, who knows, maybe she isn't really enjoying it that much if she leaves you in doubt. I disagree that women only need and want a confident guy, cause confident guys can still be horribly bad in bed. And I also disagree that your girlfriend wouldn't stick around even if the sex was bad. You might both be young, so she might be inexperienced and don't really know why or what she's not enjoying.
I agree though, that constant asking is NOT going to improve your sex life and is not a huge turn on. Besides, always conducting interviews destroys this cuddly time after sex which can be very important to some women.
What I suggest is that you don't ask things like "did you like it?", "was it good?" "did you enjoy yourself?".. because hardly any woman that loves you would have the nerve to simply say "no". I guess that your girlfriend wouldn't want to hurt your feelings, even if you were not satisfying her, so she'd only reassure you and say "sure" or she'd say some meaningless answers like "why'd you ask me that?".
Instead, you could start to ask open-ended questions (not right after or during sex) like "is there something you always wanted to try out in bed?", "can you show me what turns you on most?", "what's your favorite position so far?", "do you like this thing X I do..or would you prefer it another way".. well, some of the questions you can invent yourself, of course :).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Do you doubt she is enjoying herself?
Do you doubt your "skills"?
What you could do is to ask her if there is something in particular she likes for you to try or do.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (6 September 2013):
 Yes, it's bad. ... because, what you're REALLY asking is: "Was I a good sex partner?" In time, this can actually be fatal to your's and her relationship... killing it...
Figure out how to be more confident... and let that confidence come across, silently, by your behaviour.
If, over time, you become as learned and artistic as I am, as a lover, you will get your "answer" (to the question that you will no longer ask) because, following coitus, (and, sometimes, ever before you are done) she will yell out: "Yes, yes, yes, (your name here)... I want more and more... and don't want to wait even another 5 minutes for you... so let's get started again!!!!!"
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (6 September 2013):
 It can be annoying if a guy constantly asks you if you enjoyed sex, it makes each love making session like a test and evaluation and sometimes people just want to enjoy the moment and keep their thoughts to themselves.
Turn the tables...if she constantly asked you, wouldn't it make you feel like you were doing something wrong? Sometimes it's better to state how YOU feel rather than asking her. Say something like:
'Wow that was awesome, thank you darling' Show your apreciation of time spent together...that will strengthen the relationship.
Try to relax, and be encouraged that if she was NOT enjoying things...she wouldn't be there.
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