A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:People always say don't search for love and you'll find it but how can I stop searching? In the back of my mind I'm always expecting to meet someone, especially at weddings or public events. Im27 and have been single all my life. I know what I want and I've never been more serious about settling down. The parties and bars are fun but I feel so lonely and empty. I have great friends and family. I've lived an independent life and I like my independence but I still feel like wanting a family more than anything else. What should I do to stop obsessing over meeting someone? I do go out and enjoy life but inside, a part of me is sad because I just feel like this life is so superficial without someone to share it with. I'm sick of being selfish, I find bars and clubs superficial but I am single and I guess that's where ppl meet. Idk, I'm just sad and frustrated because I have been patient for so long and it never seems to work out :-(
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 September 2013):
 bars and clubs are not a place to meet folks IMO
do you have a hobby you love... I met my husband playing board games... I can vouch for a place to meet bright if geeky guys is a board gaming group....
My son is 27 and he's ready to settle down but the last few girls he's met.. they jumped the gun and by 6 weeks were like "well I wanna get married and..." and by 8 weeks he had to end it.... they were moving stuff into his place... asking to meet the parents...
I do get the whole "let it happen" kind of mentality.. but if you don't truly feel that then it's hard to make it happen...
the truth is however, desperation is easy to pick up...
and it's hard to hide...
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 September 2013):
Denise32 is right. I don't know how, but you've got to tone it down or you're going to scare off every guy you meet. Desperation is very unattractive and borderline scary for guys.
"Letting it happen" also doesn't mean don't make an effort to meet people. In my opinion it refers to not forcing things. Let a relationship develop naturally.
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A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (5 September 2013):
Have you ever thought that maybe you are holding yourself back from meeting someone? Have you thought about asking a guy out that you have some interest in? Do you have such high standards that one little thing turns you off? Are being unrealistic?
I think you need to be more open. I think you need to do some more activities that involve meeting people.
Good luck in your quest!
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (5 September 2013):
 What strikes me about your post is that you may come across to people (men) as having an agenda - "wanting a family more than anything else". I expect you don't THINK it's obvious, but you know what? when we feel so strongly, it comes across without our conscious consent and men pick up on it!
Try to be a bit more relaxed and take more of an attitude of "if it happens that I meet someone and get married great"; "if I don't, then that's fine too".
One other suggestion: have you tried meeting men online - for instance I can recommend e-Harmony which thoroughly questions what you are looking for, your interests, values, and everything else. This process is long, true, but they do try to match you up with men who have similar interests and goals that will mesh well with you.
You might also try Match.com.
Do this, and perhaps you can sit loose" a bit more when out socially at a wedding or party, etc. On other thing: what interest do you have Do you like to play volleyball, hike, bike, do volunteer work of some kind? You can often meet guys who are involved in these sorts of activities, and maybe you'll find someone you can become friends with and perhaps have the friendship develop into more.
Good luck!
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