A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been rejected by hundreds of girls offline and thousands of girls online and have lost heart and all sense of my 'physical' self-esteem. It is very difficult to remain confident after that. My track record keeps me from trying now as I have no reason to believe I will succeed. I pay for Escorts when I'm very lonely and it looks like that's my future for ever getting any action.I have been aware that women do not find short men attractive since my early teens and recently i have been following "exposing hieghtism" on a website called shortsupport. What I have read there is disheartning as there is absolutely nothing I can do about my height and did not choose to be this way. I am North European, only 5'7.5" (171cm) and I am 35, so there is no chance of me growing taller. The average male height in my country for men under age 40 is 5'10.5 (179cm). Also, my neck is very long and my shoulders are very narrow and sloped. My shoulders are at the same height as guys that are 5'4'. This makes me look even worse as my torso looks pathetic.I am wondering if I should just completely give up on girls because I don't have what they want physically and what is it about being a man being short that women find so disgusting? Sure, I could earn lots of money and attract a Gold digger, but I'm not interested in women that are only interested in me because I have money. As it stands I'm just a lowly welder on not much more than minimum wage.P.S. Anyone who is going to tell me date a shorter girl. Experience has taught me that they are the ones least likely to find a short guy attractive. I also don't find fat/obese women attractive so lowering my standards and dating a fatty is not going to happen because I can't get aroused by them. Fat women can lose weight to make themselves more attractive, short men with small spines can't do anything
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 oh good point... I had many more suitors at an obese weight than I did/do at a thin/average (actually below average) weight...
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 September 2013):
 It's annoying to be classified as "the other side" just because I am a woman. As if my opinion, my thoughts, and the things I know for a fact are to be dismissed because I am a "woman, of the other side".
Excuse me? That's like me saying the OP shouldn't listen to your advice or opinion because you're a man.
Or, like me saying "Don't listen to this anonymous male, because he's an idiot". Just as educated a thing to say.
Btw, I know several overweight women who are both dating and married. To my awareness, they have an easier time finding a husband than skinny women (I check the newly married pages in the newspaper, over half the women there are overweight, and about 1/8 is thin, the rest is just average/chubby). So again, your point is just as valid as anything pulled out of.. well, you know what.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2013): "Listening to women say that being very short is not a problem for men is like listening to men say that being very fat is not a problem for women."I'm the female anon who posted the link to my post about my preference for short men.Male anon, I know a lot of women prefer tall men. I never denied that. What I take offense to is the fact you basically called me a liar. I like short men, even though I'm 6'2". Also, there are men out there who find VERY fat women attractive. So not all men find fat women unappealing, either. Yes, there are a lot who do, but not EVERY man. See what I mean? Don't presume to speak for an entire gender, and then call someone a liar for saying they have a different preference. Just because one preference has the majority of votes doesn't make it impossible for someone to prefer something else. I don't mean to sound rude, but I feel you are stereotyping way too much. You must think if you've only ever met women who prefer tall men, and men that only prefer thin women, that must mean ALL men and women prefer that. They don't.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 September 2013):
to the anonymous male poster...
IF the OP was 5'3 or shorter I would give credence somewhat to his complaint. BUT, at 5'7.5 he is taller than my current or my first husband.
I have dated men shorter than I am (hard to do since I'm barley 5'2" and I've dated guys taller than tall.
I admit that My PREFERENCE would be a taller man... but it's not a requirement (obviously) and it's not a reason I would decline a date in my dating days.
It's really more about confidence and attitude..... height is a bonus if you can get it but not mandatory for me or many other women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Listening to women say that being very short is not a problem for men is like listening to men say that being very fat is not a problem for women.
Nothing is a deal breaker for finding love. But some things are very big obstacles. Its annoying listening to the other side brush off how much of an impact these things really make on a person's chances and criticize someone for complaining about them. Its not gender-hating for the O.P. to complain about something that is true way more often than not.
I am 5'11" by the way.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Please read this post I wrote recently: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/short-men-have-you-ever-found-a-tall.htmlNot all women find short men unappealing. I'm the opposite, and tend to be drawn to them. They don't seem interested in me, though. Maybe they think it would be pointless to ask me out, because they assume I would reject them. I'll grant you, women who prefer tall men do seem to be in the majority. I don't get it.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (4 September 2013):
 For the record, it's not your height but your misogynistic attitude towards women that's your issue with finding a partner.Maybe if you actually LIKED women you might land one?BTW: I'm taller than my husband.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (4 September 2013):
 The women who have made replies to your query seemed to have covered the entire spectrum of reasons why you are not getting dates. In an effort to check if they had overlooked any information that is available, I went to my library and checked with the reference book entitled, "The Guys' Book of reasons why you can't get a date with whichever woman you choose".
It had just one suggestion: "If you are dead"
Good luck....
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A
male
reader, adaminio +, writes (4 September 2013):
I feel short at 5.8... and it kind of gets me down... but I've got a shorter mate who has got a stunner of a Mrs who is taller than him
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Your height seems average to me. My boyfriend of almost a year now years is 5'3. I am 5'2. They are out there. You just have to be patient and you'll find that special someone who will accept you for who you are.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (4 September 2013):
 As with all other questions from men blaming their height on their lack of success with women, I will tell you that it is your attitude that is putting people off. Yes, I accept that some women prefer taller men, but that's *some* and not all.
The way you describe how you wouldn't date a "fatty" (charming words, not), and the fact that you pay for sex are, to me, far more off-putting than your height.
Try Googling "Small Man Syndrome" or Napolean Complex. You don't HAVE to have this mindset (especially since you're not actually that short), you can do something about it. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (4 September 2013):
 My brother is smaller than you and he's never had any problem with women. In fact, he positively loved going out with taller ladies than himself. Admittedly he did marry late in life but he is married now with 3 girls and is wonderfully happy. He is around 5 foot 5 inches. I also know another guy who is not much taller than me (4 foot 11 inches) and he has always been a ladies man. He is very popular. What could be the difference between you and these guys? Chi Girl is spot on with her observation about your crass attitude towards women.
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A
male
reader, Makar  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Be cool and someone will love you for your personality, otherwise you'll die alone. :(
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Excuses excuses.
Honestly, your modest height may be one MINOR contributing factor to your lack of success with women. Sure , why not . Same as you don't find attractive women who are over average weight, so some women won't find attractive a man under average height. Unattractive is not the same as disgusting. They don't find you disgusting, quite simply if they feel they can get someone "better" in terms of height, some more aligned with their preferences, they 'll do just that , wait for someone taller. And why should no they not ? They use the same selection criteria as you - they go for what pleases their eyes. Same as you don't date fat chicks, they won't date short guys. The fact that they can change their shape and you can't, it is undeniable, and it is frustrating, but , ultimately, it's not the girl ' s problem.
Said that, I won't even bother with the usual list of short babe-magnets , from Tom Cruise to Bon Jovi to French ex-president Sarkozy to... Napoleon and Mussolini. Those are guys who also had exceptional wealth or power or charisma, so THAT may be the reason why they were chick magnets even being short.
I will say: have a look around when you go to church or to the mall or to the supermarket. Look at all the regular blokes,the married couples , all the dads with kids. Are they all tall and broad shoudered ? NO WAY. There are tons of short guys , skinny guys , not-so-great-loking guys who got girlfriends , wives and families, and they can't all be rich guys or pop stars, can they.
So, it can't be the height, or at least it can't be just the height, it must be something else. Perhaps your " woe is me " attitude ?....
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 September 2013):
What to you want us to tell you, you seem to have it all figured out and you seem to know exactly what your problem is... your height.
You don't want to know the truth to your top question "why is my high so unattractive". Because you don't want to hear that you actually CAN do something about it, you don't want to hear that YOU are responsible for your success with women. It is much more comforting to blame it on height, something you can't do anything about. That is your "free card" to just throw your hands in the air and play the victim.
Sorry, I don't buy it. It's nothing but a load of bullshit. I'm Northern European too, there's tons of guys here your height. There are tons of guys shorter too. Yes, we have some really tall ones as well, but it's not like you'd stand out in a crowd with your (sheez) 171 cm. I'm 175. I'm taller than so to speak every woman around me, and they're dating men your height. Heck, I've dated a man even shorter than you! Heck, my current boyfriend was your height all through high school when I had my crush on him, I didn't care he was shorter than me. My friends have dated men shorter than them, they didn't care.
I've seen it over and over, tall girls and short/average height guys. And if you think these short guys have to pick up "leftovers" of what no one else wants then man.. You really are living in your own little bubble of a pity party. My friend who's amongst the hottest women you'll find was sitting around waiting for a guy to call her, he never did, but this guy was shorter than her (and she's shorter than me, so that would make him around 167 or something. He obviously had someone else he rather wanted. And my friend isn't obese, she's running half marathons each year and is a salsa instructor aka she's got hot body.
Another guy that was shorter than me when out with this woman who is much taller than me, who in fact works as a model. Are you prepared to eat your words yet, or do I need to continue?
Women date guy not because of how he looks, but because of who he is. So sorry to tell you this, but women aren't turning you down because of your height. Right now, without knowing you and just reading from your post, I will guess they turn you down because of your disrespect for women. You don't value them as anything more than objects to be used for sex. Try working on respecting women, and they will respect you in return. Stop the hookers, paying for sex is not respectful in any direction, and will actually work to lower your self worth even more. Stop with this self destructive behaviour and "victim"-role. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your own situation. Stop playing the victim like "I can't change my height". You don't need to change your height, your height isn't the problem. The problem is your attitude.
PS. You're not "short". You're not short enough to earn the title of "short".
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 I think you're putting too much stock in your height. I'm 6' 2" and my height has done me no good whatsoever! I would trade it for being good looking, or super witty, or confident or being able to sing in a heartbeat.You and I are very much alike, but my thing is my looks and what I perceive as my general un-manliness that I assume is what repulses women. But one day I just came to the realisation that I can't do anything about my looks, so I may as well just carry on regardless. I'll make sure my hair looks nice, and I dress nice and smell nice and try and find confidence in all the good points about myself and particularly my personality that I know I have, and hope one day I meet someone who I click with. Ok, I admit I don't have much hope either, and so far nothing has happened, but the point is I don't want to give up. So I carry on because what choice do I have?Everyone has strong points and shortcomings. Everyone. If it's something we can't change like our face or our height all we can do is try and compensate as best we can, and maximise our good points. You've received a lot of stock replies (I'm not saying they're bad replies) of "be yourself" and "you have to love yourself before someone else will love you", and I know for someone in your headspace right now it's easy to disregard them. But believe me when I tell you... height alone means absolutely nothing!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Hey there, Looks like you're caught up in the depths of despair over your height, and making it a bigger problem than it needs to be (pun not intended). I don't mean to diminish your pain, and I'm sorry you feel this way about yourself. I will say, however, that it is likely that your ATTITUDE towards how women view you informs their actual attitude. I will admit that a lot of women do like taller men, and there is a cultural prejudice revolving around height because men probably evolved to be protectors, and their fitness as mates hinged on their ability to kick the asses of mastodons or rival men that came their way. Obviously this is no longer -- or very minimally -- relevant. Unfortunately, human beings are bundles of contradictions in the sense that we evolved to be one way, but society has changed so radically in such a short span of time that we benefit from acting AGAINST our instincts.Now, men's fitness as mates depends on a lot of things. Confidence. Reliability. Openness. Communication. A lot of things that have nothing to do with height. Women will see this, if you have things going for you in any of these areas. I guarantee you these will be more important than your looks -- and your looks WILL be someone's ideal at some point. Several people's ideal. One of these people, you're very likely to connect with on many levels. This is my way of saying to buck up and believe that there is a woman out there for you, because there is. You may think I'm full of crap, but I believed that there was no man on earth that would share my ideals and many highly idiosyncratic ways of thinking. I thought I was alone in the world. Of course, I wasn't. You aren't either. Please, start building your confidence and see what happens.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 September 2013):
Anybody who ever said their height stops them from getting women is just trying to make excuses or find an easy way out. Yes, its considered more attractive to be on the tall side, but that doesn't mean NO woman would want you. If you've been rejected by hundreds of women IN PERSON, then you're doing something else wrong.
My two closest friends are your height. One is good looking and fit, the other is overweight and not good looking, not to mention hairy. Well guess what? They both have had amazing success with women because they share a common trait that women find irresistible (no its not penis related): they both have awesome personalities.
Maybe that's what you need to work on. Negativity is extremely unattractive.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Until you accept and love your body, no woman will either. If you measure your worth by the centimeter then you will never be enough.
If you are hoping to date women who like men who are insecure about their height and who are as tall or taller then you are, then you have a very small dating pool.
Your height isn't unattractive. Your attitude about it is, and that is what the hundreds of women who have rejected you are responding to.
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A
female
reader, DearApril +, writes (4 September 2013):
I suggest you stop finding evidence that your height cannot find you a mate and instead search for evidence that it CAN. You have created a HUGE story in your head that this is the way it is so do the opposite. Be the story that many men your height find love. You already have gathered some evidence on this site. I myself the first 35 years of my life would only date men around 5' 7" because I had a story that tall men hurt my neck to look up to all the time! I changed my thinking and opened my heart to other possibilities and am now married to a tall man. I just don't bother staring at him all the time so my neck is just fine. Lol. Love is out there. The quality that women find most attractive is a man looking for a committed loyal relationship/friend. Be that man and hunt for love. Try www. Meetup.com with single get together events in your area like "meetup for s singles hike", etc. Create friendship and let love follow.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): You know I always said I would never date a man that's smaller than 5 ft 6.
I married a man the same height as me - 5ft 3.
Why? Because tall, dark and handsome doesn't guarantee a man with a good heart. Sure looks fade, and these tall men become fat tall men. The world is a vain place. We call it "standards".
Don't be disheartened. I'm confident your Mrs Right is out there somewhere.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I had an ex-boyfriend who was 5'7", his height was NOT the reason we broke up, his cheating was (yes he had no problems getting girls). Last I heard he's now married and settled down with a family. I also know other men who are short and have no problems with getting girlfriends. I have also seen men on the street who are very short - as in, my height (I am 5'2") or shorter, who seem to already have wives and kids in tow. My friend's dad is 5'5" while his mom is 6'!! (yes they look a very odd couple). My observation is that for a man, being short is not that bad if you have a good physique. Be lean and/or muscular, but don't be overweight and saggy or worse obese. of course having a good personality is a given and a must, but not sufficient in itself unfortunately. Having a good personality will get you a lot of female platonic friends, but to have a romantic relationship they need to be physically attracted as well. You can't do anything about your height, but you can do something about your physique.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): I don't understand , 171 cm its not that terribly short. My husband is 174 cm, and I Am 164 cm. While of course you are not tall but you are not a midget by far. May be its not just your height that cause of all the rejection. Example 1: I have a friend who is in his 50s. He wouldn't look at a woman if she is more than 30. Result: he is alone his whole life, and the only women that stayed with him for A very short period of times were foreign girls from poor countries who only were after his money. Example 2: another friend who is exactly your size, average looking guy, smart, shy, likes only really gorgeous model like women, disregards completely with amazing consistency women who are also pretty but not as striking. His preferences are for a woman to be really thin, and flawless. I was trying to introduce him to very nice looking women but may be not tall, thin, blond and all perfect, and it was a no every time. May be you are like that also?
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