A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need your advice! I am a 46 year old single woman and work with a 33 year old guy. He is nice and kind and helpful and flirtatious towards me. He is always ready to help. Although I am 46 but I look less ( I guess) specially my body looks very in shape. I am wondering if this guy might like me. My worry is that if he is just super friendly to me because I am 14 years older than him? Could a man like a woman 14 years older than him? I know there are cases that this happens and they are even couples like that. But how often this is possible? would it be he is just interested in a physical relationship with me? or even he just feels so comfortable around me and sees me as a big sister? Well, I kind of like him but I don't want to make a fool out of myself specially that I am so confused and never had this sort of feelings to a much younger guy. All your insights are greatly appreciated!
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 September 2013):
 I have no issue with older women and younger men dating and marrying even. My husband is 13 years younger than I am. I'm 53 and he is 40.
My only concern would be that it's a work mate and if it does not work out, the it could get uncomfortable at the office.
As far as age goes... I truly believe once everyone is past 30 that age is but a number.
If you like him, if he likes you, then disregard the age and enjoy yourselves.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2013): Hi Tisha, thanks for taking time and answering me! I have been married for a long time and I'm divorced recently and am a single mom with teenage kids. I have been out of market for years and now I am so new to this dating market and feelings towards a man that makes me so like a teenage girl that you even noticed that I do not know what I should do and how to react and read men.I guess one part of me wants this special person more than a casual sex partner from a bar, as I see him everyday and fancy him. My workplace is a professional setting and is in Finance industry and everybody is well-educated. I have some ties to secure my job somehow, so I am not worried much about losing my job, unless it becomes a well known scandal to everyone. As I said, I am so new to the market and have no idea as how to give a " go ahead signal"! If you could give me some more examples would be great. A local bar would not work for me as we are in a smaller town. Thanks a lot again for the replies and also I am so happy to see that there are very smart people out there who understand me so well through the few lines I wrote and also are willing to help me. I feel lucky to find this site!
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2013):
 Oh sorry, one last thing. If he's 33 years old, he's not a teenager, presumably he's fully mature adult man with no baggage. If he wants to ask you out, based on your post, all you need to do is give him the little "go-ahead" signal. I expect he knows you like him.
If he hasn't asked you out then assume it's just flirting at work.
If you do decide that you are totally into NSA sex then mention the usual hookup bar to him in idle flirty conversation. The problem with that of course is that you could end up derailing your career.
And so we get back to the questions I asked in my first post.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
In other words, enjoy the feelings of being attracted to this co-worker but don't drive your career off the rails because you are feeling horny/lonely/in need of validation.
Decide what it is you want and then follow the path that leads you there. At age 46 you are in your prime and naturally look fantastic if you've been taking care of yourself. The 40-something women I know who work out and eat right are very attractive.
You don't sound very attuned to yourself and seem surprised by being attracted to a man, age notwithstanding.
Could you please answer my questions about your career and workplace and previous relationships? If you have been married and divorced 3 times, that would suggest one path for you. If you have never been in a relationship ever then that's another matter.
You just sound a bit wobbly and at risk of exploding your career path.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 September 2013):
What is the workplace?
Have you had any relationships in the past? With other colleagues? How long have you worked there? How long has he worked there?
Do you value your career or are you okay if things don't work out that it affects your career and earning potential?
Of course it's possible for a younger man to be attracted to an older woman. It happens all the time.
Generally, it's not a great idea career-wise (depending on the industry, which is why I ask) to have casual sex hookups with co-workers.
You sound a bit confused as to what it is you want with a man, and this man as well. If you are looking for casual sex hookup stuff there are plenty of singles bars where you can meet a guy and the hookup won't derail your career.
You don't sound like a confident woman, to be honest, and are so wishy-washy on what it is you want from him that it may be best to just let things lie for now. If you are desperate for sex with another person, it's generally considered a better idea not to look for it in the workplace, you can always meet guys who want no-strings sex in the pickup bars.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): I am the one who posted this question!
Thanks everyone for your insights, and sorry for the limited info. I provided. To answer your questions, this guy is also single as long as I am aware of. I caught him looking at my body a few times...He had comments as how I am cold even wearing layers of clothes ( 2 tops on each other), etc...He stands in proximity ( closer than normal)with me when talking to me, and sometimes small touches. The thing is that I am open even just for the fun, but I don't want to make a fool out of myself and ask him out. I also think that if he is into me, he might consider rejection due to the age gap... You are right that although I might look a bit younger than myself, but still not comparable to the girls half my age who suit him better. I don't know how to take it from here???!!!!Any advice?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): No, no, no, no romancing someone so much younger. He knows you are not around his age, and while you may look a little younger. He dates girls closer to half your age. I am in your age range. Young guys like this approach me all the time, actually the older I got this is the age that seemed to be interested in me. I have no illusion. If I like a guy I might have sex with him, and just enjoy his body, but in no way I hope it will turn into something else. If you are not into fling then drop it, but remember another 5 years and even this attention will decline if not dissapear completely. I am using an opportunity while i still can, lol. I have my fun, but in no way I hope for anything more. Would you want to date and go out someone that much younger or would rathe have someone around your own age?
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty Babbit  +, writes (8 September 2013):
 Do you know anything about him? Does he have a girlfriend because if he does this is a moot point because he's just flirting.
This sounds like a workplace flirtation to me.
Of course there could be a possibility that he might "fancy" you.
The only one who knows is him.
The problem is what do you do about it and what do you want to do about it?
If he did like you and wanted to go out or start dating, where do you see it heading?
You also have to remember that workplace romances can be awkward at the best of times and invite gossip, more so in this case given the age gap. Can you handle that?
If your overriding emotion is yes, you would like to pursue a relationship with this guy then you have a decision to make.
Either you wait for him to make a move, or you make one!
Of course, if you make a move, there is a possibility he was just flirting with you and meant nothing by it and may be quite shocked that you feel he did.
Then again he might be thrilled and jump at the chance of a date with you.
All you can do is decide is what you can and can't cope with and take it from there.
I hope this helps AB x
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 September 2013):
 Wow! you sure wanna know a lot of answers, based on the tiniest amount of information lol!!
Firstly you need to think very carefully about getting involved with someone at work. Think about what would happen if your flirting got out to other staff members? Would it harm your reputation and working environment?
How would you cope if you ended up being used just for sex and then still having to see this guy at work.
Men cope with this kind of thing beautifully and make no mistake, if he humped and dumped you, he'd carry on like nothing happened and it wouldn't even touch him...you, however, would feel like shit!!
Younger men tend to see older women as a 'challenge' a bit like a trophy. They will appear fascinated and interested, hang on your every word, play their little moves to make you feel wanted, desired, safe and secure...for you it's 'the start of something'...for him, the ultimate goal is sex!
Once he gets the pay off, he is likely to change direction very quickly. Never under estimate this because it happens a lot and usually the main perpetrators are those 'flirty' 'overly friendly' 'attentive' guys who always seem to be hanging around.
Someone who was more interested in you for actual relationship purposes, would be more subtle and probably keep things well away from work, because they would not risk making a fool of themselves if you said no.
This particular guy doesn't seem bothered about what those around him think...he has you in his sights and he will play it out and keep pushing all the buttons until he gets a pay out.
Of course it's possible for 33 year old men to fall for 46 year old women, but the long term track record is a rare thing and you do not have to look too far to see this.
If you are just in it for the 'physical' I would still keep it far far away from work, because things can get very akward after you have done the deed!
Good luck and I hope you keep your sensible head on!!!
...............................
|
