A
female
age
30-35,
*ebeccaa
writes:I'm quite confused at the moment. 5 months ago my long term relationship ended. It was an abusive relationship (not extremely abusive, but definitely, some verbal abuse, emotional, and a bit of physical abuse). After the relationship i did turn to a rebound, which only lasted a month but from then i've been completely on my own (which i've loved!)I have been on a few dates, i met one guy who is very good looking and my ideal type, if i were to describe my ideal partner looks wise he would be what i would describe. I have been on five dates with him, but i am just not feeling anything at all, and its strange because i want to but i don't and i don't understand why. I know its very shallow, but normally if someone is good looking to me i fancy them and that is hat regardless of their personality. Not this time.Does anyone have any idea why? is it my past relationship? is it the fact my standards might have risen? any replys appreciated. thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2013): :) cxxu
A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (6 September 2013):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the question thank you! :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Like wise owl said, life does not need to evolve around a relationship... I find it to often just be an unnecessary complication actually! ;) ha...
You're still under 21!! SO SO YOUNG...you're still at the age when your brain is still at its peak ability to learn new skills, travel, explore, focus on different career prospects... I don't believe it's really truly too late to do this most of the time, but now is the best time!
Go out and get some good female friends... Most people your age will say the most fun thing about being single is the freedom- go out with friends, try a new bar, or a favourite and have fun mingling, flirting being young :)
Sorry if this sounds patronising, just trying to inspire you from my own experience...
Do whatever makes you feel happy and fulfilled, as learn to love yourself... Xx take care! :)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 it's just that this guy does not do it for you personality wise.
see in order for us to "love somebody" they have to be the entire package (FOR US) you have to find them attractive, funny, intelligent, and companionable.... clearly this guy does not meet your criteria.
stop trying so hard to make something that does not fit fit.
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A
female
reader, Rebeccaa +, writes (4 September 2013):
Rebeccaa is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyes you both are probably right thank you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2013): Sometimes you learn that you don't have to spend every day of your life in a relationship with a guy.
Sometimes all you want to do is go out and dance, have a drink, and have fun. Or just hangout. You really need to try and make a few female friends, just to add balance to your life.
Your mind needs relief from always trying to be so intense all the time.
You have to take time out for yourself. Just to be young, and remember what it feels like to be happy and free.
If you try to treat your relationships like a marriage, you'll tire yourself out. That's what most girls your age do. They try to act as if their boyfriend is a husband, and drive all the fun out of being a girlfriend, and having a boyfriend. Fussing and fighting all the time.
He gets sick of being too serious, and treated like he has a wife. So he starts looking for girls who are fun. Then she ends up being jealous and hurt.
Yes, you are right that your standards are rising.
You now realize that it is important for a guy to be good to you. Not just how cute he is. You know that you don't have to fall in love with every guy you go out with.
Dating is supposed to be fun. You don't have to do it unless you feel like it. You're not always on a mission to replace some boyfriend that you had to kick to the curb.
Now you can relax and enjoy your freedom!
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (4 September 2013):
 Maybe it's just because you're growing up and become more mature. And you've actually learned from a bad experience. Your last boyfriend, who I'm assuming was good looking was abusive, so you're subconsciously not jumping to the conclusion that good looking equals happy. And that's good.
I think it's very healthy and a positive thing that you're enjoying being single. Don't rush into anything.
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