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| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
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| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
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Former FWB situation--am I just too available for him?
Q. I am love with my best friend. I lived with him for a year and helped him through some tough health issues including cancer. We were friends with benefits and had a great time, playing, laughing, teasing. Then a girl came back from his past and was ...
A. 6 December 2013: Thanks for the update OP.. .continue to be strong and demand what you deserve. Do not allow yourself to be used by anyone.... (read in full...)
Are girls turned off by an ugly penis??
Q. I used to masturbate very much, and this caused my penis to have some dark spots on it. Because Iam tan, it appeared that the spots are post inflammatory hyperpigmentaion. Iam virgin, but had oral sex couples times before it happened. My question ...
A. 17 October 2013: I don't think it's from masturbation either....
and no it won't phase most women. girls maybe...grown women... not so much.... (read in full...)
Would it be ok to date her because of our ages?
Q. I graduated from high school last year, and there was a girl I liked who was a freshman. She had a boyfriend for all of last year, so I didn't really get the chance to be with her. I'm in college now, and I found out that she and her boyfriend broke ...
A. 16 October 2013: ok so if you graduated last year you are about 19 now
if she was a freshman last year that's grade 9 and that's about age 15
so let's assume you are about 19 and she is about 16
in many states any sexual contact between you two woul... (read in full...)
Should I date a guy who is 9 years younger than me? I'm 28 and he's 19
Q. Im 28 years old and newly single, i'd rather stay single for a while to be honest but someones interested in me. The problem.is hes only 19 that is way too young for me but my friend doean't think so. I dont feel comfortable about that age gap but ...
A. 16 October 2013: my take: he's legal so it's not an issue there..
I know a man who at 19 met a woman in her early thirties. Now 7 years later married 5 years with a 5 year old daughter they continue blissfully happy.
My husband is 13 years younger than I... (read in full...)
If a girl is just not interested why make excuses for putting things off
Q. There is a girl I like. We went out once. Ever since then whenever I causally ask her out she keeps making excuses. Some I can believe like she says "Friday is her family day." And other excuses like that. The one she uses a lot though is that she ...
A. 14 October 2013: Sometimes "no" is being clouded by kindness.
It's not easy to say NO any more than it's easy to ask....
she's being kind and saying NO softly. Most women do not want to have to hit you over the head with a stick.
if a woman say... (read in full...)
My finace doesn't trust me
Q. MY FIANCEE OF 2YEARS IS SO POSSESSIVE am dating a young girl and we have a nine months old baby girl but in a time of a months now she has become so insecure that-every time am home she rushes to check my mobile phone inbox,sent items and drafts a...
A. 14 October 2013: did this behavior start after the baby was born? if so it could be hormonal. IF she's always been like this and you have NOT done anything to cause this behavior, then she's not being rational and may not be able to be adult in a relationship.
... (read in full...)
Amazing fantasies of how hot our three-way could be!
Q. I am an “out bisexual woman” but men often mistake me as lesbian. I have a gal-friend (who’s just a friend) that I’m emotionally close to, so much so that we often hug and kiss on the cheek. She recently hooked up with a hot great guy that I know ...
A. 14 October 2013: YOU don't approach them. This is a huge (and often disastrous) decision for a COUPLE... not the unicorn.
being a single young woman that "invades" a relationship would make you their unicorn. I have been the wife/partner and I have also be... (read in full...)
Signs that your boyfriend isn't over his ex?
Q. This may be a stupid question but what are some signs or how do you know if your boyfriend is not over his ex girlfriend? I really don't want to jump to conclusions or anything but I just have this feeling that my boyfriend still misses and has f...
A. 14 October 2013: usually if you have feelings then your feelings are correct.
I'm just guessing on these.
he talks about her a lot
he calls you her name
he "stalks" her on social media
he still texts or calls her
IF you even SUSPECT he is not ove... (read in full...)
Advice for a 7 year age gap relationship?
Q. Just a question: How do you feel about a relationship between a man who is 25, and a young woman who is 18? I am the 18 year old, by the way. I don't find anything awkward about it so far. We've been dating for two months, HE doesn't find any...
A. 14 October 2013: I don't see any issues at this point either. You are an adult, he is an adult, you get along and have a lot in common and are happy. Don't go looking for problems where none exist.... (read in full...)
We have a 20 year old difference. Don't know if there is any point in starting things again.
Q. Hi, I was seeing a much younger guy casually for the last 8 months. We were really just sleeping together. I had just come out of a relationship and he was very inexperienced so we decided to try not to get too involved. He finished things ...
A. 12 October 2013: I would say no.... he ended things for a reason.
Women more than men cannot separate emotions from sex and being physical with him will cause you to feel more and more for him when clearly he does not have those feelings for you.
He's very y... (read in full...)
Will it become a problem if I make more money that he does?
Q. Hey everyone. I recently met this nice guy who I am starting to really like. He is ok in character and we have a lot in common. The problem is that I make way more money than him and I am thinking that it may be an issue if we were to start ...
A. 11 October 2013: in my culture while men prefer to make more than women, sometimes they don't.
i make more than my husband. I'm also older than he is. none of our friends even know or care what we make.
some men may feel emasculated by a woman w... (read in full...)
My LDR is never there for me
Q. I am in a long distance relationship with a guy. We have been together for 1 year. He loves me, I know that. But whenever I need him, he is never there for me. If am disturbed at night, he prefers to sleep because he doesn't feel like spoiling his ...
A. 11 October 2013: have you ever even MET this man you are LDR with?
it's been a year, you are not children, when are you two ending the distance?
if you have never met him and/or there is no plan to end the distance then, he's not there for you because you ... (read in full...)
I worry that my girlfriend misses other women!
Q. Hi. I've been with my girlfriend for nearly 3 years now and we live together and have a daughter. Thing is, she's bisexual. I often find myself worrying she misses other women. I've tried asking her and talking but she just says no and won't talk. ...
A. 11 October 2013: I am bisexual. I was also a swinger in my previous marriage.
I am now married to a man who I do not cheat on nor do we choose to share with others. Therefore I have given up men and women to be with this man.
I think of girl play sure...... (read in full...)
Is is okay to be a little envious of my sister and sister-in-law's friendship?
Q. Is it ok to be a little envious of my sister and sis in laws f/ship.? My younger sister and my bro and sister in law are close in age and have lots in common kids etc. They live in diff states but communicate via FB a lot, and phone, I imagin...
A. 11 October 2013: of course it's ok to feel jealous of this. It's even ok to say that you feel sad you don't have that bond with her.
feelings are never right or wrong.. they just are.
... (read in full...)
What does the married man I work with want from me?
Q. Hello! To make it short..for couple of months this married man is getting more and more close to me.He is older than me, I am 28 he is 50..we met at work. He said things like he cannot live without me as a joke, he makes time to see me everyday ...
A. 11 October 2013: And if he wants a relationship what will you do?
does it matter to you that he's probably married long term with children and maybe grandchildren?
does it matter to you that at his age he's on the down side and at your age you would be wi... (read in full...)
I'm an unhappily married man with two small children and I'm wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake?
Q. hi everyone. im an unhappily married man with two small children.im wondering if anyone has any experience staying with someone they don't love for their kids sake? my wife has a short temper and can stay angry for weeks about things without e...
A. 10 October 2013: I divorced my first husband when my kids were 3 and 5. They turned out fine.
My youngest is now 27 and has no bad memories of his parents together. He has NO memories of us together and that's fine.
Early on the kids were with me and him ... (read in full...)
I work with him, like him and don't know what his intentions are
Q. This might be kinda lengthy, sorry. So I'm 17 and I just started working a job at a restaurant as a hostess like 2 months ago and i work with this really cute boy who's 23. So it's pretty clear that he flirts with me, when he first met me he ...
A. 9 October 2013: he's wise to know that if you do anything sexual he will go to jail and be branded a child sexual offender for life.
at 16 he's 7 years older than you and while at 23 and 30 it's not quite so bad at 16 and 23 you two are in totally differen... (read in full...)
Why he's closing me out?
Q. I'm 32 and there is this guy who use to live in my neighborhood who is younger then I am. He's 21 yrs old and developed an interest in me saying that age doesn't matter blah blah blah. I started to like him but always told him that because our age ...
A. 8 October 2013: he's young and he's not interested in anything other than himself at this point which is more a function of age than anything.
He is clearly not as into you as you are into him.
I wold forget about him and let it go. you have gone above... (read in full...)
Is it bad that I would date someone with HIV if I really cared about them?
Q. Is it bad that I would date someone with HIV if I really cared about them? Am I stupid for this? I am HIV-. Thanks in advance....
A. 8 October 2013:
my brother has had hep C for over 25 years.
his husband has been HIV positive for over 20 years.
they are now together over ten years and married over three and neither one has shared their own brand of life sentence illness with the oth... (read in full...)
I have yellow nails from my parent's smoking!
Q. Hi. Both my parents smoke (roughly 5-a-day each). They smoke outside or in the porch with the door open. Recently I have noticed I hav been getting yellow nails no one else has at home because I have the longest nails. I don't smoke! What can I...
A. 8 October 2013: I agree with Honey pie... if they are smoking 5 a day outside their smoking is not really the cause of the yellowing nails.
are the beds yellow? or the tips? you may need to seek medical attention if it's nail fungus.... (read in full...)
Guys: Would you have sex with a woman on her period?
Q. What are your opinions on period sex? Especially guys... Would you have sex with a woman on her period? Would you do this only if you were in a relationship with her and care about or love her? Or would you do it with a random woman if you wa...
A. 5 October 2013: yeah i've had sex on my period and while I didn't much care for it, due to mess and cramps, if the guy I was with was ok with it, that worked for me.
IT has NOTHING to do with closeness or how they feel about YOU but rather how they feel abo... (read in full...)
If you were me, would you try and approach this girl and potentially harm a maybe happy household? Or would you simply forget about it and move on?
Q. For about five years iv always had a small crush on the girl who works in my local post office, we would often flirt and smile a lot when we talked, she is about 2 years younger than me at 24. I have never persued it though as I have always been in ...
A. 4 October 2013: forget it and move on.... ... (read in full...)
I'm in love with her, but I can tell she's skittish about it. What should I do?
Q. I’ve recently fallen for a beautiful woman. Every single bit my type with all of my strengths and flaws. I asked her for her number today and she gave it to me. When I tried to make plans she was hesitant and we never ended up making a solid ...
A. 4 October 2013: I agree with the second poster if you are 15 years older than here then at 35 she would be 20 and perhaps she does not yet have the skills necessary to know how to tell you that she's not interested.
She may like you as a friend but to be hones... (read in full...)
Suffering erectile dysfunction. Would it be wrong to encourage my wife to take lovers?
Q. I become unable to perform with a full erection. My wife thinks that I no longer want her and am gay or at least bi-sexual.I get very excited thinking about and talking about her having a sexual encounter with another man. She is using topical ...
A. 3 October 2013: women should NEVER use testosterone. It can cause major medical problems. Unless this is prescribed by her doctor.
In addition you need to seek medical treatment NOT a lover for your wife. Bringing a third party into your bed will destroy... (read in full...)
Former FWB situation--am I just too available for him?
Q. I am love with my best friend. I lived with him for a year and helped him through some tough health issues including cancer. We were friends with benefits and had a great time, playing, laughing, teasing. Then a girl came back from his past and was ...
A. 1 October 2013: you are his backup girl.
if she was behaving and keeping him happy he would be with her.
you don't distance yourself to get him to come to you, you distance yourself to protect your heart.
he may not mean to be using you but that's pretty ... (read in full...)
Any advice on regaining some sort of power in a casual relationship?
Q. Hi, I find myself in a bad situation, the classic casual hook up turned messy. I am seeing a younger man casually (I didnt think there was a future in it because of the age difference) and now I am having the usual problems associated with ...
A. 1 October 2013: The best advice I can give you to regain YOUR POWER is not take his call IF He calls you.
The ONLY way you will regain your self-respect and a sense of stability is to end this FWB with a man (age irrelevant) who is NOT THAT INTO YOU.
Wa... (read in full...)
Why can't he cum during oral sex?
Q. During oral sex my boyfriend gets himself close to cumming and his breathing changes and all these normal things but he can't!! I'm pretty sure it's not me because he has no problem with handjobs and when he's in the shower he can't. In pretty sure ...
A. 30 September 2013: I don't know.... my ex husband told me I was the only woman ever to be able to make him cum from oral. He wishes I could teach his current wife how to do it... I have no clue what i did different or I would tell you.
... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't think I should take my expensive purse on vacation with us! How do I address this?
Q. I recently purchased a $400-valued Coach handbag and I carry it everywhere with me. My family and I are visiting relatives in east Asia this winter, and my mom is concerned that my handbag will attract unwanted attention and thieves. While I ...
A. 30 September 2013: and yes if it gets lost or stolen or damaged mom has the right to FOREVER Say "I TOLD YOU SO"
I love my good everyday leather bag. But even for my best vacations I carry a cheap cross body bag with lots of pockets and room.
NEVER take so... (read in full...)
My FWB says he feels no connection. What does he mean?
Q. He says he does not know why but he cannot feel a connection to me. he says he cannot feel anything in his heart anymore since his live in gf of 5 yrs cheated on him. It has been 4 yrs since she did this. we started seeing each other 1 yr ago. He ...
A. 30 September 2013: the connection is that you are casual friends who have sex.
he has told you there will be nothing more, you want more and that's NOT GOING TO HAPPEN no matter what you want.
he's made it clear that you that he's not interested in anythi... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't think I should take my expensive purse on vacation with us! How do I address this?
Q. I recently purchased a $400-valued Coach handbag and I carry it everywhere with me. My family and I are visiting relatives in east Asia this winter, and my mom is concerned that my handbag will attract unwanted attention and thieves. While I ...
A. 30 September 2013: "mom I appreciate your concern but I'm an adult now and it's my loss should the bag get stolen and I'm willing to take that risk, can we please just not discuss this further?"
and then it's up to you to either stick to your guns or not.... (read in full...)
Is it possible for a fwb to turn into love and if so how?
Q. seeing my guy 1 yr now. He says he there will never be anything between us. yet one time after sex (he sometimes thinks out loud) he said emotions cannot get into this. He gets closer i think and then pulls away spacing out visits i think to ...
A. 30 September 2013: oh what GAMES.. .cause maybe I know you guys... ROFL
i met my FWB while board gaming...
in our case he became my spouse... but not because i cared about him... that grew for me as it does for most women who are having sex with a guy... but we ... (read in full...)
Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 28 September 2013: I agree with IAHTHY you want HIM... but he said "date others" he does not want you the way you want him to.
I think you should date others but not have sex with ANYONE for a while.
And if you tell him, don't do it in hopes of making ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong for being careful with a guy from an online dating site?
Q. First, I went online to the dating site that I had been on and while I was off I had joined a few others just to make friends and pen pals. I sent a flirt to this person and he was a nice looking guy and a message also. He responded back to me and ...
A. 28 September 2013: yep you were correct. you trusted your instincts and that was good.
never meet anyone you've met online in person anywhere but a public place.
and trust your initial instincts. he got all mad and pissy with you because you called him out a... (read in full...)
How to overcome the lack of sex in our marriage?
Q. My spouse are both in our seventies and I still get the urge for sex, but because of her medical problems she's afraid to even try to have sex. She won't even let me touch her. We've been married for fifty years, it wouldn't make sense for me to ...
A. 28 September 2013: if she is not available for sex would she be opposed to you taking a lover on the side.
IF you do it with her permission it would not be cheating or adultery... it would be an open marriage.
have you asked her if she would be opposed to ... (read in full...)
I think we're on a break. What do I do from here?
Q. My boyfriend and I have apparently went on a forced break by him, not me. We've been together for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. We don't live together and would see each other once or twice a week and then spend the weekends together. We started ...
A. 28 September 2013: WORDS mean NOTHING
he can text you that he loves you and misses you all he wants but unless his actions prove it, it means nothing.
and I think he does it to keep you from finding someone else... this way you hang on to those shreds of hope... (read in full...)
Why did my 30 years older than me coworker talk to me about his wife and kids?
Q. I don't understand why we had this conversation?what do you think the meaning was. through work i've come across a worker who now i am involved with for some work. first time saw him he shook my hand and when leaving patted my back. Thats fi...
A. 28 September 2013: because he's PICKED UP on the fact that you find him attractive and he's making it CLEAR he's not available for anything other than work.
Men and women can be friends and co-workers have a slightly odder situation as you are friends without ... (read in full...)
Do you just let your ex become a stranger?
Q. My ex isnt willing to see me with someone new and i dont want to see his either so we defriended each other on facebook (FYI: It was a bad breakup) We are in different countries so we will never ever see each other again. Do you guys just let your ...
A. 28 September 2013: you are in different countries
you had a bad breakup
why do you feel the need to pretend to stay friends?
I have 3 ex husbands:
the first one I talk to as needed about our adult children I have no feelings about him one way or the ot... (read in full...)
Afraid of coming across as "too available"
Q. I would like help from everyone, but am searching more for that guy perspective: I've met this awesome guy, and I think we clicked from the moment we introduced ourselves to each other. I really like hanging out with him, but I worry that if I ...
A. 27 September 2013: Be yourself but don't be dependent on him.
My son is 27 and is currently dating a new girl and the thing that he LOVES about her is she's not NEEDY.
she is not emotionally high maintenance, meaning t hat while they spend time together... (read in full...)
The guy I like went back to his ex because he misses the child. What should I do?
Q. Please can someone help me what to do I am so much in love with a guy who loves me to but he's gone back to his ex cos he misses his son which isn't his biologically but has been there since born little one is 3 now he texts me everyday telling me ...
A. 27 September 2013: Sorry but he has feelings for the momma and is using the child as an excuse for you
you are his nasty little bit on the side... I'm sure he's lying to the baby's momma too.
you know you should end it with him but you say you can't which ... (read in full...)
Am I attracted just because he's a nice guy?
Q. Need help decoding mixed signals. There is a guy I'm interested in, and I know he's interested in my too (at least to an extent). He bought tickets to fly out to visit me. I know him from a long time ago-but we were only acquaintances. ...
A. 27 September 2013: we can help you decode mixed signals but what's the point.
if neither of you is willing or able to move then the whole relationship as anything other than long distance friends is pointless.
The WHOLE point behind LDRs is that you aren't ... (read in full...)
A conversation about a friend led to resentment of my wife's different treatment of me and her ex lovers.
Q. aqwsasThe other night at supper I was telling my wife of 32 years about a young lady at work. This woman was telling a story about a friend of hers who worked three jobs and when he came home from work his wife turned their three kids over to him ...
A. 27 September 2013: she never said she enjoyed it with other men... she said it was disgusting.... does not mean she did not TRY it before...
you made an assumption that was incorrect.
if you are unable after 32 years of marriage to get over this you have t... (read in full...)
Am I crazy is he cheating and taking me for a fool?
Q. Hi Guys and Girls A question about strange behaviour from my partner of 4 years. We live together and have done for 3 years. However I am always suspicious of him and keep checking his texts and Facebook messages. I like to go to bed early...
A. 26 September 2013: he is at minimum emotionally cheating. and lying.
in addition if he drinks a bottle and then some nightly... or even one night a week.. he has an alcohol problem.
you are not crazy and you deserve better.
let him go.... (read in full...)
Why does he say he feels no connection ?
Q. My Bf of 1 year says he feels no connection to me. he says he is not my BF. yet we go out, have sex. We started out wrong with sex. He had a cheating GF that lived with him and since then several years of not dating. Now me.. and he says no c...
A. 16 September 2013: well the only way to know if he really cares is to stop giving him what he wants.
stop having sex with him
make him treat you like a gf... cause right now all you are is his handy dandy penis holder.... (read in full...)
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