A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with an ex about 6 weeks ago and for the past 3 weekends I've been hanging out with a male friend. He's been wonderful helping me get over my breakup but last weekend he began dropping hints how he thinks I'm "wonderful", he said loves being around me and he even admitted he has feelings for me last night. I just don't know what to do. My last breakup is only recent so I'm not even thinking about starting something with anybody right now. He's a great friend but I would need to get to know him more as I've only known him for a year through another friend. I'm worried he might not wait for me though? He hasn't tried any moves yet but I'm worried he might and I'll push him away because I'm not ready. I would be with him later on but now is not the right time for me. I feel like I'm leading him on by agreeing to catch up every weekend. What should I do? I don't want to lose him as a friend and/ or a potential partner in the future.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (25 February 2014):
 Honeypie as usual gives GREAT advice.
You need to tell him that while you think the two of you may have potential you are not ready and you don't want to risk ruining what you could have in the future by letting him be your transitional guy (the first one after a break up if the person has not healed)
I don't think it's rebound at all. I think you are very astute and wise and have a GREAT understanding of what you need to power through this transitional time in you life.
I get why you don't want to risk losing what MIGHT be the best thing to come...
I agree with no flirting or cuddling (could be misconstrued as teasing or leading him on) but I would be OPEN to discussing WHERE the relationship stands on say a monthly or bi-monthly basis.
Something casual along the lines of "so HOW ARE WE?" which is questioning the health of the relationship vs "how are YOU?" which is individual.
If he truly cares he will wait... and if he can't wait... well then you will always be friends.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): 'WiseOwl' are you really that wise? "This is a typical rebound question." you wrote. If you felt so negatively about my question, why did you bother answering? That's a horrible thing to say to someone who is simply asking a question. I've seen a lot of your responses on this website and you need to check yourself and what you write to people.How am I yearning for a replacement I no longer have? That's another horrible thing to say. You're making out like I've agreed to marry this new guy or something. He's clearly a friend who I care about and have hung out with 3 times. I'm not yearning for anyone because I'm more than happy being single. Why did you assume I think I'm going to lose him by not having sex with him? If you read my question properly, you'd see I'm not that sort of person. "He's a great friend but I would need to get to know him more." Did that part not come across very clearly to you?You wrote; "Breaking up with someone doesn't mean everything was your ex's fault. You have some faults too." How does mentioning that have ANYTHING to do with my question? You are clearly off track and need to read people's questions a bit better.And finally, I never stated I was relying on my friend saying "poor little me." You have no idea what has been said between us. If you want to know the truth, I NEVER discuss my breakup with this friend of mine. That's what girlfriends are for. Once again, you were off track. Stick to the question!In the future, you need to be nicer when you address people's questions and most importantly, stick to the question instead of making assumptions you clearly know nothing about.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): You question is a typical rebound question.
You are neither emotionally nor psychologically ready to be considering anyone as a "potential partner."
Thinking too much in that direction is going to make you do things motivated by your grief and feeling of loss. Your yearning for a replacement for what you no longer have.
You are confusing friendship with dating. Bad move six weeks after a breakup. You're going to end up in the sack and regretting it the next morning.
If he's a friend, he's not going anywhere. You are in a period of mourning for a loss. He knows that, and shouldn't be making passes at a time when he knows you're trying to get over someone.
How are you going to lose him? Do you mean because you won't have sex with him right now?
That might be why he's being so nice. Take it down a few notches and go hang with some girlfriends to get over your breakup pain.
Your head's not on straight. Just six weeks in, and already placing "potential partners" on reserve? You don't make reservations for relationships, my dear.
You have to be completely over one guy, before you go enter commit to another.
First of all, breaking up with someone doesn't mean everything was your ex's fault. You have some faults too.
You need time to fix yourself, for wounds to heal,and undo the damage done by your ex. Six weeks is nothing.
Your friend wouldn't be so close if you weren't leaning on him like a boyfriend.
This is a time when you need your girlfriends, sisters, and mom around you. Mainly to keep your skirt down; and your mind focused on yourself for awhile. You also have to depend on your own strength and limit your little pity parties.
Be a strong woman, and not "pour wittle ole me!" Let your emotions flow while you're alone. Be more in control when you're with male friends.
You're hurting, and you will reach out for a different kind of comfort from men; than you would from other women.
Men provide sexual healing quicker than anything else to a vulnerable female just broke up with a boyfriend. She has now been cutoff from sex and affection. Ripe for the picking!
Your "friend" is coming on to you in the wrong way, and far too soon. That is a guy trying to get you in the sack.
Trust me; once that happens, he won't hang around as much anymore.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2014):
 Tell him that you are in no shape to start anything new any time soon, but that you would like to continue to be friends. BUT it has to stay on a friends level til you feel ready it date again. I would also tell him you have no intentions of stringing him along, but you have to be honest.
And then you need to stick to it. No flirting, no cuddling while watching movie or what not. TREAT him as a friend.
If he can't handle that, then maybe... he isn't for you.
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