Like what
she writes?
... Add *o_Very_Confused to your favourite agony aunts
Want to get in touch?
... Send *o_Very_Confused a private message | | *o_Very_Confused's Ratings | |
| | *o_Very_Confused's profile:I've got the life experience to be wise for others, not so wise for myself. A degree in psych doesn't hurt either. So when I respond to people while I may just give advice, I'm more inclined to ask you questions that make you think and make you HURT and figure out what to do....
Choices I make are made on years of experience and may not be the best choices for YOU but what I do and what I advise may be two different things. Like I've said I KNOW what's the BEST thing to do and do not always choose to do what's BEST for me.
My primary interests include age gap relationships where the woman is older than the man... I am 13 years older than my future husband... I am also currently very interested in 12 step programs and addiction and recovery
and Long distance relationships...
I also understand alternative lifestyles as I was a "swinger" in my last marriage and I am a bisexual woman although currently I am just with my one male partner by choice...
NEVER STAY WHERE YOU ARE UNHAPPY NO MATTER WHAT. DO not make the same mistakes I made.
Rules:
IF YOU HAVE AN UNEASY FEELING IT'S FOR A GOOD REASON.. listen to that little voice
NEVER EVER trust a liar. IF they lied once, they could lie again. IF you dont' trust them there's a reason for it. LISTEN to it.
IF you have to ASK if you should leave... just do it.
We don't know WHY someone did something... only why WE would do it... so you have to ASK THEM.
IF you are afraid to ASK your PARTNER anything.. it's not a good relationship and you should probably end it.
IF he only calls when he's horny at 2 am you are a booty call nothing more....
Old cliches:
Women need a reason to have sex; men just need a place
Do as I say not as I do |
|
| Latest articles: How to get many answers to your question.
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
25 November 2012: So many times folks submit good questions but, get few answers. It's very frustrating to have an important topic you need advice on and not be able to get it. While talking with friends is easy to get to what you need, asking in written form can...
Am I Co-Dependent?
No replies yet... 24 October 2012: So often folks will ask "am I co-dependent" or will label someone "co-dependent" There was a period of time that it was the "popular" diagnosis of mental health disorders. I often wondered if I myself was co-dependent. I read many books ...
Is my Long Distance Relationship worth it?
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
6 December 2011: Being in a relationship where you have regular face to face contact is difficult enough. Being in a Long Distance Relationship (LDR) is more difficult. Local Relationships (LRs) require a few things; Honesty, Trust, Commitment, and ...
How you can tell someone loves you
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 November 2011: So many times we see folks here saying "I know he loves me he tells me he does all the time" “But” I want to scream, “but how does he SHOW you he loves you” because I learned that WORDS without ACTIONS are meaningless. A partner that says “I lo...
Who is a Natural flirt? And what qualities signify a Natural Flirt?
This question has 24 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 September 2011: Today as I was leaving work and walking to my car, I passed, going in the opposite direction a co-worker who I *barely* know who was walking with another man. He is a tall, attractive man with an engaging smile and bright eyes. He's 10-15-maybe 20 ...
|
Don't want to misrepresent myself but ...
Q. I am a 25 male and trying online dating I am short most of the woman are taller than me I have no problem dating taller women but I have heard that most women won't date a shorter men I don't know how true this is. I know complete honesty is ...
A. 13 February 2014: good luck OP.... (read in full...)
I suspect that my sister's problems are due to alcohol but don't know how to confirm this
Q. How do you tell if someone is an alcoholic? I've looked up a few websites, but they all have questions to diagnose yourself as having a problem with alcohol, not another person. This may seem like a silly question, but my sister lives on the oth...
A. 11 February 2014: “Signs include, walking around with a flask of alcohol. Often times they hide their drink in juice or soda bottle when they leave the house. You can smell it on them, they always smell of alcohol. They drink excessively everyday. Oftentimes it is ... (read in full...)
Has anyone had experience of a lump in the breast and found out later that it was not cancer? Just need some calming and reassuring please?
Q. Just wanted to say first, I have already been to the doctor and I am having tests run. Has anyone had any experience with finding a lump or something abnormal in their breast? I have found a lump recently and I am waiting on some test results ...
A. 11 February 2014: you have friends here... please keep us updated.... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: WOW. SMDH! OP you only hear what you want and see what you want. YOU don’t care about the truth you only want folks to VALIDATE your feelings. I was NOT being sarcastic.
Have you looked up DABDA and E. Kubler-Ross?
Your original post sa... (read in full...)
Has anyone had experience of a lump in the breast and found out later that it was not cancer? Just need some calming and reassuring please?
Q. Just wanted to say first, I have already been to the doctor and I am having tests run. Has anyone had any experience with finding a lump or something abnormal in their breast? I have found a lump recently and I am waiting on some test results ...
A. 10 February 2014: MOST women who find lumps in their breasts do not have cancer.
It could be a fibroid or a cyst or a clogged duct.
it could be hormonal due to cycling...
and thanks for the reminder it's time for me to schedule my mammogram... ... (read in full...)
Is it a wise decision to continue seeing him?
Q. I work in a health care field. I am 21 years old who met a guy who is 29 years old. He is owns a pharmacy business so I see him often at work. When i first met,him, i did not pay attention to him because I wasn't looking for anything. A few wee...
A. 10 February 2014: he's paying for the hotel room and taking you to "upsacle" steakhouses (I prefer Sullivans or Capital Grille to Mortons BTW) and then he is buying you things... sounds very "Pretty Woman" to me.... in other words he is PAYING YOU FOR YOUR SEXUAL ... (read in full...)
He's sweet and caring. He's also 17 years older than I…
Q. I'm about to introduce my family to a man I'd like to be with. He's sweet and caring. He's also 17 years older than I. My parents are liberal but I think even they'll balk at the age difference. I want my parents to accept him but I have no idea how ...
A. 10 February 2014: While 17 years is a big gap it’s not insurmountable especially if you are closer to 25 than 22 and since you are the female. I find usually that women are more mature than guys at a younger age.
The issue is if this guy is going kicking and scre... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 10 February 2014: OP your request for “"lets move in now, and if that goes well, get engaged in 6 months and married next year" will get you 6 months further down the road and no engagement.
He is not going to want to marry you in 6 months.
When I met my... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 10 February 2014: OP you said “And to the anonymous reader he was the one who said we were boyfriend and girlfriend he told me on the text that it was official”
SO BECAUSE HE SAID something it’s official and true? Seriously. Ok “I am the QUEEN OF ENGLAND”... (read in full...)
I suspect that my sister's problems are due to alcohol but don't know how to confirm this
Q. How do you tell if someone is an alcoholic? I've looked up a few websites, but they all have questions to diagnose yourself as having a problem with alcohol, not another person. This may seem like a silly question, but my sister lives on the oth...
A. 9 February 2014: From a distance it's going to be hard. He behavior does not strike me as alcoholic in my experience. I am married to an active alcoholic.
For what it's worth, I've seen him go days without having a drink. He is not drunk all the time or every... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: I agree that IF you issue an ultimatum and the person does NOT comply if you do not carry out the "punishment" you have lost all credibility.
so if you said "shit or get off the pot" and he hems and haws you must leave.... (read in full...)
Could my ex have undetected HIV if he received a blood transfusion years ago, before blood testing was standard procedure?
Q. I have a concern, not mentioned on the site before to my knowledge. It involves HIV from blood transfusions. I've noticed that in the years where a potential partner would be born was when they didn't test for HIV in the blood. So basically is it ...
A. 9 February 2014: I had blood transfusions with the birth of my first child in 1984 BEFORE we even knew about HIV or AIDS... we found out a few months later and the doctors explained to me that I had a 10 YEAR window to watch
Once my son was 10 I breathed a sigh o... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has disappeared and I am very worried.
Q. Hello, I am having a difficult time and I need some advice. First, I have been in a relationship with someone and it hasn't been long, only two months. We got along great and talked all the time for hours. We have always been able to work out any ...
A. 9 February 2014: Late the the "party" but I've read everything and I feel your pain OP....
Sadly with meeting folks online it's very RARE that reality meets your expectations. While it's FINE To meet online unless it RAPIDLY progresses to meeting in real life, I ... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: Forcing him to make a choice will not make this go smoother.
I am a firm believer in the fact that when YOU KNOW YOU KNOW so to speak.
My husband who at age 37 when we met swore up and down that he was NEVER getting married. Yet, he kne... (read in full...)
I don't want to tell people my engagement ring is fake!
Q. I dont want to tell people my engagement ring is a fake "diamond". It's actually cubic zirconia. But apparently according to the jeweler who charged my fiance $700-800 USD , there are two levels of cz, the drug store $12-40.00 and the "better" tier. ...
A. 7 February 2014: The RING does not make the engagement or marriage. You can get married or engaged without the exchange of any jewelry.
so stop feeling like it's a fake engagement.
it's a REAL ENGAGEMENT
it's a REAL Engagement ring
It's a REAL... (read in full...)
How to get this online guy to back off?
Q. Hi everyone, I've been online dating for about 8 months now, have only met up with 3 people in that time and its never really gone past 1st or 2nd dates. I ended up talking to someone for about 5 weeks who seemed to match my sense of humour and ...
A. 6 February 2014: ARE you 100% sure it's about you... OTHER than taking down his dating profile and his facebook status what makes you think he is assuming you two are exclusive?
all you have to do the next time he asks you out is say "no thank you I don't thin... (read in full...)
If he could be so convincingly romantic then, how can I trust his sincerity now?
Q. How can I trust my fiance when he's already lied to me? My fiance and I have been together for two and a half years. We're getting married in early May, but I am having trouble trusting him. For me it was love at first sight. Well, not exactl...
A. 6 February 2014: OH i think he's sincere NOW.
the problem is look how EASILY HE LIES... look how EASILY he can turn things the way he wants with a bit of fibbing.
do you TRUST HIM?
to me how he feels right now is not the issue. clearly he ... (read in full...)
I'm not sure if my boyfriend is a manipulator or not?
Q. Hi I'm not sure if my boyfriend would be considered an emotional psychopath/manipulater. I am quite insecure and hyper vigilant so I'm not sure if I'm being paranoid or not. He is a personal trainer and has told me that he has to use some form of...
A. 6 February 2014: he's full of himself that's for sure.
by telling you he's manipulative he's got you guessing.
the fact that he thinks he has to manipulate his clients to do what they want means either he's a lousy trainer or he doesn't really understand ma... (read in full...)
I caught him twice being naughty on the internet, talking to girls about their bodies. He promised to stop the first time but did it again!
Q. I found my boyfriend was talking to girls on the internet. Telling them they were sexy and complimenting them about their body's, I think he was trying to meet one of them. But he said he never would have. I found out the first time and told him to ...
A. 6 February 2014: you will never trust him like you did before.
fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on me.
here's the rub... you will stay with him even if he does it again... the more time you stay with a liar/cheater the more time invested the h... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps promising me big gifts but gets me nothing
Q. My boyfriend told me throughout our entire first year that he had a huge birthday surprise for me... along comes my birthday Jan 29 and he just called me in the morning and then never came over (even though he promised). His reasoning was that he ...
A. 6 February 2014: I wouldn't even wait for V-day... dump him now. Then you CAN get flowers on V-day if he tries to make it up to you.
... (read in full...)
Sex, dating and relationship. When should we have sex?
Q. I've being dating a girl for four months and we've had nice times and whenever I am away from her and I don't call for a day, she gets angry with me or suspects me of having another girlfriend. She has that soft spot, very pretty and respectful and ...
A. 6 February 2014: you should TALK to her about it as soon as possible.
... (read in full...)
She's pregnant and my parents aren't supportive
Q. I'm a senior in high school and I found out a few days ago that my gf is pregnant ! I didn't except my parents to take the news well but I didn't except it to go as bad as it did either. My parents are strict and put a lot of focus on school a...
A. 6 February 2014: I think your parents will soften with time. They are being unfair in that they can't mandate an abortion and telling you to leave your GF is nuts if it's the only other option because you will still always be responsible for the child if she keeps ... (read in full...)
My savings are now 1/2 of what they were because b/f borrowed money for 14 months! He's always drunk and wont talk to me about paying me back!
Q. I really don't know what to do about my situation. My boyfriend of 3 1/2 years borrowed money every month for 14 months. My savings are now 1/2 what they were. About once or twice a week if I phone him in the evenings he is drunk, slurred speech, ...
A. 6 February 2014: YOU solve it by using it as a learning experience.
YOU solve it by kissing your savings goodbye as you will NEVER get it paid back to you. NEVER lend money that you can't afford to be without.
YOU solve it by ending the relationship with a ... (read in full...)
For nine years I believed my lover was married but I've recently learned he isn't
Q. I began this relationship with my lover over 9 years ago and up until a 2 weeks ago believed that he was married because he told me so. He revealed in an online conversation that he was never legally married to the woman he claimed as his wife. N...
A. 6 February 2014: What difference would it make if he was legally or morally married to a woman he was lying to about having an affair with you?
I guess it's OK to lie to your life partner but not your mistress according to you OP?
He was a liar from th... (read in full...)
Why do all women judge me by my weight and looks?
Q. Why do all women immediately judge me by how overweight and ugly I am and give me disgusted looks? No matter where I go in public women look down upon me. The constant glares female strangers give me is really becoming bothersome. I try and smil...
A. 5 February 2014: OP congrats on losing all that weight... 170 at 5:10 is not even overweight... it's perfectly normal and acceptable. So there you go... it's not that women are rejecting you because you are overweight... because you ARE NOT. It takes a few years ... (read in full...)
Why do all women judge me by my weight and looks?
Q. Why do all women immediately judge me by how overweight and ugly I am and give me disgusted looks? No matter where I go in public women look down upon me. The constant glares female strangers give me is really becoming bothersome. I try and smil...
A. 5 February 2014: How overweight are you? 20 pounds or 200 pounds. or somewhere in between. pants size would help me know too.
as for ugly... is your skin bad? your teeth? nose too big? balding? what makes you ugly?
see right now all I have... (read in full...)
He's never asked for my number and doesn't talk to me on social media. I'm really confused now. Did I do something to offend him? Does he not like me anymore?
Q. i was under the impression a classmate of mine liked me, but now i don't think he likes me anymore. I thought he liked me because our mutual friends made multiple comments about us as a couple (i.e. me being "his boo/girl") which i pretended i ...
A. 5 February 2014: So he liked you and he was getting his friends to feel you out... and it was clear that you didn't care one way or the other based on your response.
IF you like him and want to get to know him, it's on YOU now to fix the game you started by s... (read in full...)
How do proceed with dating this shy older guy?
Q. Me and this guy have been in touch for nearly 2 months, from the first day we met. After spending loads of time talking to eachother online, we finally had our very first date the other night. He was very shy, considering him being 34 and me 25, I ...
A. 5 February 2014: did you respond to his message? did you tell him you had a great time and can't wait to do it again?
that would be my first step. He may be afraid to ask... and having an idea that he won't get shot down may help.
also you can send... (read in full...)
How to start talking about finances and setting boundary for this kind of situation?
Q. I recently just got into trading and have been having some luck with the stock market. I have been updating my boyfriend on my gains and research. Last weekend when we went out, he had told me he wanted to give me a couple of grands to invest. I ...
A. 5 February 2014: I would not take it but rather you can show him what you do and how you make the choices and let him make his own decisions.... (read in full...)
I don't feel like he's pulling his weight. Am I being petty?
Q. I’m a 42 year old successful single mother of two teenage daughters. I have been divorced for 9 years and focused all of my energy on raising my daughters alone. I own my own home, two cars and have been blessed enough to provide my children with ...
A. 5 February 2014: I would have him contribute to the household but NOT pay YOUR mortgage.
I suggest you sit down with him and say "honey I thought we would be able to maintain the lifestyle I was used to based on you giving me XXX.XX. Sadly I see we need ... (read in full...)
The only problem is that he never wants to remarry or have children with me, it's tearing me apart. Advice?
Q. I feel like there is no hope for my relationship even though my boyfriend has never cheated, lied or hurt me. I love him, and I have never thought of anyone else since I met him. I honestly see no one else as my future but him. The only problem ...
A. 5 February 2014: you must respect his words. he has three children to support and does not wish to take on the support of a 4th and possibly a 5th child. I understand his feelings totally.
I had two children with one man and I never felt right wanting more... (read in full...)
Calling all girls in long term relationships for opinions...
Q. Hi. Please do not make any judgements or assumptions. I simply want opinions from girls in LT relationships. How would you feel if your boyfriend went travelling with a boy mate without inviting you for one month to six months? ...
A. 5 February 2014: open ended traveling for fun? I would not be happy.
I would take it as a sign that our relationship was not as important to him as I want it to be.
I can see not inviting you. Did he discuss it with you before he said he would go?
... (read in full...)
Hearing from my LDR less often
Q. hello Iim a 36 year old woman in a long distance relationship with a man in new york. He has been working on moving down here since june. I really love him and he says he loves me but I feel like something is changing, he normally calls me three to ...
A. 4 February 2014: why do you immediately assume that he's found someone new?
daily contact in an LDR is a fairly new thing.
you still hear from him once a day...
why can't you say 'hon you usually call more what's up?"
or do you not trust him?
t... (read in full...)
Cheating- is it always wrong?
Q. Is it ever acceptable to cheat? I'm in a marriage and very happy aside from the fact my hb and my sex drives are in completely the opposite directions mines very high and his due to medication is virtually nil, I've lived with this for ov...
A. 4 February 2014: IF you get your spouse's permission then it's fine.
IF you lie about it it's wrong.
So you say to him: "you are not interested in other things and I can't live like this I need more. Either we separate and divorce or I take a lover." th... (read in full...)
Don't want to misrepresent myself but ...
Q. I am a 25 male and trying online dating I am short most of the woman are taller than me I have no problem dating taller women but I have heard that most women won't date a shorter men I don't know how true this is. I know complete honesty is ...
A. 4 February 2014: put the truth. if a woman is shallow and only cares if you are taller than she is then she's not going to be worth the effort to find out.
unless you are 5'2" or 5"4" you have many options.
my husband is about 5'5" but he looks much t... (read in full...)
Can a guy get feelings for FWB?
Q. I've been best friends with this guy for 10 years, even dated for a few days almost a year ago (He broke up with me). Recently we've decided that we want to sleep together, making a friends with benefits, though he told me that he doesn't change (I ...
A. 4 February 2014: I can tell you now that sleeping with him probably will not change what he feels about you... it's just easier to scratch that sexual itch with a known entity and one that you know will put out and you can keep stringing along
He will never f... (read in full...)
Am I asking for too much of his time?
Q. I've been dating this guy for 4 months already. But my family and friends both feel that this guy is not right for me because he does not see me as an important person in his life. Part of me knows that, but the other part of me does not want to ...
A. 4 February 2014: You are not asking too much of a man that wants to be with you but if he wanted to be with you it would not be necessary to ask as he'd make the time easily to see you.
you want to salvage a 4 month relationship... what is there to salvage?
... (read in full...)
I can't move on I love him!
Q. Dear agony aunt I really need help. I met a guy and we broke up in less than two month. He use to contact me but it wad now and then. He broke up with me because he said he didnt know what he wanted. After 5 month being seperated i contacted him and ...
A. 4 February 2014: Honey I'm sorry but he's telling you want you want to hear...
He's not in love with you or as into you as you are into him.
This is just going to set up a world of hurt for you if you take the dribs and drabs he will dole out to keep yo... (read in full...)
He says he doesn't care but then he flips about me and his friend! He makes no sense! Advice?
Q. I met this boy Last October (2012) when I went on a trip (1 hr and a half from where I live - a ski town). We added each other on facebook and got each others phone numbers but we didnt start hanging out until I went up there again in February and ...
A. 4 February 2014: he's just an arrogant asshole like you said.
what he thinks does not matter and just ignore his stupidity.
if you like the mutual friend and want to hang out and hook up with him, that's your choice and what some idiot you barely know thin... (read in full...)
Big age difference. How should I approach him and ask where I stand in our relationship?
Q. Last year I started a part-time job at USPS as a material handler. I'm very timid, often at times people tend to think I'm a teenager and I just started dating a 51 year old guy who's worked for USPS for many years. He lives down the street from my ...
A. 4 February 2014: I agree with EWO... NO MORE SEX... and you will not have to ask... you will know soon enough.
also I would not take the 'compliment' that "you are cute and have a tight body" as much. it just means you are young and he's not used to young... ... (read in full...)
Is he rushing me because he wants to bed me?
Q. So I'm texting a guy who is 9 yrs older than me we've only met once and both admitted there was a strong chemistry we are planning to meet but he seems to be coming across maybe a bit too strongly. Like he's alway saying that we are pointless ...
A. 4 February 2014: yes all he wants is to bed you.
a man who is interested in you as a person wants to spend time with you IN PUBLIC... to talk (in a coffee shop or diner is nice) to show the world he is with you.
Any man who EARLY on wants to meet at his ... (read in full...)
Should I forgive again? Can I trust him again?
Q. I am trying to gain clarity on my relationship and figure out what to do... I have asked many friends for their advice, but realize that they all have some kind of biased opinions (they are, after all, close friends), so I need an objective and ...
A. 3 February 2014: My husband smokes pot (so do I) and he is a very heavy drinker. In fact he is a functional alcoholic.
I have told him over and over the deal breakers include:
any other drug use (no coke, no pills, no meth, no heroin) and any of these will re... (read in full...)
I ruined my boyfriend's life because I didn't lose my virginity to him
Q. Hello all, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3years 3months, just recently he found out the guy I lost my virginity to was 20yr old and I was only 16, I regret it completely and know it was a huge mistake when I was immature young and drunk. ...
A. 3 February 2014: YOU did not ruin his life or your life.
YOU did something you regret... don't have regrets... it's over and done with and live with it.
Sadly I think finding a new boyfriend is going to be your next big issue... if HE can't cope with the ... (read in full...)
I met him on a dating app, we met up twice, had sex the scone time, and now it's been 2 days since I've heard from him!
Q. A couple of weeks ago my friend got me to download a dating app, I'm only 18 so I wasn't sure if I really wanted to start 'online dating', but I downloaded it anyway. One of the first guys I matched with was an 18 year old guy who was also new to to ...
A. 3 February 2014: Lesson learned... he got laid... he's done probably. Yes boys/men who like a woman make an effort to be in touch...
I understand this more casual world. My generation invented the sexual revolution due to birth control pills and no STD tha... (read in full...)
Who means more to you - the person you loved first or the person you love today?
Q. So I'm just curious here. Who do YOU guys favor more? Do you have more thoughts, special feelings, or emotions towards your "first love" or towards someone who's your "new" love??! I find myself going back and forth between these two guys and there ...
A. 3 February 2014: I've had many loves and four husbands.
My current husband is my heart and soul and we say I saved the best for last.... (read in full...)
| *o_Very_Confused's friends
These are mutual friends, so *o_Very_Confused has
added them and they have added *o_Very_Confused!
|
