A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Why do women lose interest in sex after being in a relationship for a while? Maybe this Isn't the case with all women, but it seems to be like a continuously notorious pattern in my relationships. Women lose interest in sex but I still want it. But the women just never want to. Any thoughts/opinions on why this might be? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 March 2014): Having been in several long term relationships and a fairly long marriage, I can honestly say I've never experienced this. If you treat a woman like you love her, show interest in what interests her, communicate with her,trust her, are honest with her,and rock her world in bed they rarely lose interest. It is important to know that men look to sex in order to feel loved and women want sex when they feel loved. In other words women want sex in response to how close they feel to you, and men feel close to women who have sex with them.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (28 February 2014):
Ive been with my wife for seven years and she is still horny as a cactus in her mid-late thirties. Ive dated quite a few women for reasonably long periods of time, and I cannot ever recall this phenomenon.
Sorry for the news, but IMO if your woman is losing interest in sex, the most likely problem is looking back at you in the mirror....
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (28 February 2014):
Dear male advice-giver:
If women "trade" sex for love, why not "make love" to us?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): Very cynically I have seen a phrase that goes, " women trade sex for love, men trade love for sex". So once they feel the hook of love the need for sex diminishes. Hope it's not true but take a good look around.
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A
female
reader, kittykatt131313 +, writes (27 February 2014):
 well being a woman myself, the reason why this happens to some woman is because the man might not be pleasing her to her full climax. I've had this problem once. I would never get to finish and it got boring after some time. if you are having this problem where your lover is getting disinterested in sex, I would suggest asking your partner what their biggest sexual fantasy is and share with your lover what yours is too, and even try it. I expressed my biggest sexual fantasy to my lover and sex with him has never been better!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 February 2014):
 If the women you are dating actively turn you down for sex ALL the time after you've dated for a while, then you are doing something wrong.
One little thing to point in your post. You used this phrase: "Women lose interest in sex but I still want it." You notice you use the word *it*. A shift in your thinking to this might make all the difference: "Serena lost interest in sex [with me] but I still want her." Note *HER*. Not *IT*. Then it becomes a question of how to seduce Serena all over again, rather than a case of Serena depriving you of what seemed to be a mutually-agreed pact to provide sexual services.
Women want to feel desired, wanted and appreciated. They also don't mind having orgasms, in fact, having orgasms is rather nice. However, if they are feeling like a masturbatory aid to a guy and don't get anything out of it for themselves then interest in having sex with the guy will be precisely nil.
You could conduct an exit interview with your ex-girlfriends and find out if there was a problem in the bedroom department that turned them off sex. What do you have to lose?
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A
female
reader, Euphoric29 +, writes (26 February 2014):
Dear OP,
There are two possibilities here:
1) You make women lose interest in sex
2) It's a natural process because your girlfriends' sex drive declines after the first period of being in love, when everything becomes more familiar/relaxed/intimate.
3) women are mean creatures who use sex as a means to lure men into relationships.
I would opt for possibility number 2, unless you've heard complaints about your performance (1). I am a woman, therefore my experience is that (3) is not true.
I could survive without sex for months sometimes and not even miss it. That's nothing to do with anyone except me. Sometimes I can get myself in the mood when I go out, dress up nicely, feel good in my body, when I'm on holidays.. but during a hard-working week.. most of the time I'm even too lazy to masturbate. I don't even feel the slightest temptation to watch porn. If I had the choice between sex and watching tv, I'd chose the latter.
This changes, of course, when I am in love. I'll be like a hormon-crazed idiot who thinks about the funniest sexy sms for hours, could use the company bathroom to masturbate at lunch break, spend weekends in bed with my newfound lover etc. It's like two different parts of me.
So, before you think women just use sex as a means to get you or that you're the worst lover alive.. please consider that maybe you chose women who aren't naturally very horny, unless they are in that new phase of being in love. You can help them feeling a bit like this again, by breaking the habits and routines.. going on holidays, wellness weekends, having a special "couples evening" whatever. Spice things up. Some people need sex to be something "special" that is celebrated and looked forward to.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2014): To be completely honest I think it's because a lot of the time sex doesn't feel as great for the woman as it does for the man unless he really knows what he's doing, spice it up a bit and maybe read up on how to make her feel good, I'm sure she'll be a lot more interested then
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A
male
reader, human_male  +, writes (26 February 2014):
 I've wondered if it's because when men are married or in long term relationships they want to do things for their wives and please them as much as they can, and women don't respect a man that does that. And no woman can be sexually attracted to a man she doesn't respect.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (26 February 2014):
 Women know that they have to put out to "hook" you.... and.... once they are comfortable that they DO "have you on the hook" they discontinue with the sex.....
NOT ALL women do this.... but you have been uncanny in your ability to find some who do....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, PeanutButter +, writes (26 February 2014):
 Honestly, maybe you are just overthinking it - perhaps you are worried so much about the sex being an issue that it has become an issue - sex should be sponteneous, loving, playful and fun and if it isn't any of those for one of the partners then the care for it will deminish perhaps - but it could also be that you have been unlucky and just met the wrong women who didn't get along with your personality and eventually went off of sex as the relationship itself dwindled. You might be perfectly fine in the bedroom.
I will tell you that it isn't just women who get less interested in sex, men do, too and it is just as frustrating for a horny women who isn't getting any when she has a higher drive and so perhaps the answer is that you just haven't found the right woman to keep up with you, just yet?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (26 February 2014):
 If it's a pattern in your relationships, then that says something.
Let me use logic for a second here - why does your sex drive remain high in these relationships? Would you want sex as much if you didn't achieve orgasm in it the majority of the time? I doubt it, because for a guy especially, it's the reward (i.e. the extremely pleasurable release) that reinforces the desire to keep having sex. If you didn't have that reward, or started having it very rarely, or worse yet, if you were headed towards that reward, only to have your partner finish leaving you frustrated, would you want to have sex as often??
My point is - women who regularly achieve mind-blowing orgasms as a high percentage of the time during sex tend to desire it more than those who don't. If your pattern is women who lose the desire for sex, then your women aren't achieving orgasm a vast percentage of the time.
There are exceptions to the rule - women can get depressed, or there could be a medical condition or medication that supresses libido, but this isn't the norm. Patterns of women losing interest in sex can't all be this.
I agree with the other aunts on here. Women who deal with a selfish or inept lover tend to lose interest themselves. Keep the love fresh and adventurous, and always make sure she has her orgasm before you even penetrate her. Your penis isn't the tool to give her her orgasm, and if you're thinking that all of the pleasure for her comes from intercourse, then that could be a big reason. The majority of orgasmic nerve endings are NOT in the vagina, but on and around the clitoris. If you're not giving oral, do it, and don't "warm her up" with it, FINISH HER OFF with it before you head in.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 February 2014):
 One thing I've noticed in a long term relationship that what also tends to happen is that as sex gets more familiar, the guys all seem to stop trying so hard. Foreplay kind of goes away and seduction turns into basically the guy saying/showing "hey I'm turned on, let's have sex."
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 February 2014):
 Since YOU are the common denominator in your relationships, have you considered that it might have something to do with you?
Are you a selfish lover? Are you more focused on sex then the person you are with? Are you big on porn? Do you keep in contact with ex's - keep them around as friends? Are you as romantic as a rock?
A selfish lover is something SOME woman will "settle" for because they HOPE the sex will get better - but long term most women won't. A bad lover/selfish lover is for many a deal breaker. It ABSOLUTELY kills a woman's libido to continuously get bad sex. (my guess is it's the same for men).
If you are more focused on the sex then going out and do stuff, watch a movie, cook dinner together, TALK.. then many women might consider it a deal breaker - because they feel ANY woman, ANY vagina would do.
Porn. Most women dislike porn for various reasons. Some feel insecure, some feel it's objectifying and demeaning to women, if you are a big fan of porn, it can be a deal breaker and definitely a turn off for many women.
Being a "little" too friendly with ex's. Again, most women don't want to deal with the drama of a partner's exes. Specially not if the partner is "good friends" with them still and discuss his current relationship with them. Again deal breaker. (and again I think men feel the same way?)
Romantic as a rock? MANY women expect a man to continuously woo her, not just in the 6-9 months "honeymoon phase" . They expect that you remember dates that are important to HER and to the relationship. That you PUT forth and effort to make her feel special. Judging by all the Valentine's question we had, I would venture a guess that MANY women say Oh, I don't need anything for Valentine's or Christmas,birthdays, holiday... blah blah because women are taught not to be forward with what they want/expect, because it can make them look like "gold diggers". (now mind you, that part SHOULD be a two-way street)
Now those are just guesses. It can also BE the TYPE of woman you date. You might not know it by you could be dating women who aren't interested in sex at all, they participate in the beginning but as soon as they feel comfortable in the relationship they find excuses for not wanting it. It can be the age group - pre-menopausal.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 February 2014):
 I'll give it a shot since I live with this with my husband of one year...
Early on in a relationship it's new and exciting and you are enjoying the "honeymoon" phase of the relationship... maybe after a long period of no sexual activity.
Serotonin abounds and makes everyone happy and horny....
then after time reality and familiarity sets in and if you live together knowing it's "always there" becomes the mindset... life takes over and sex is shoved on the back burner. The issue comes up now because those partners with higher drives like you and me feel like we are doing something wrong or our partner does not want us... when all that's happening is that the natural drive levels of each partner are becoming more obvious.
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