A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Is it normal for females to ban thier partners from watching porn? My girlfriend of one year does not like it if I watch porn. I was not too bothered because she is very attractive to me and sex is really good long sessions, leaving us both happy. However Sometimes she isn't in the mood, or busy work routine, and we aren't together I will watch porn alone. If she finds evidence later she complains and argues. She knows I love her and I do so much for her so it can't be lack of love. My reason for watching porn are personal and not really because she is not good enough. I should be able to watch it randomly once a month without worrying about her finding out later? Or am I wrong ladies? Thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2014): It seems to be normal for women to feel insecure about it, to an extent. They start wondering if their partners find the women on the screen more attractive/arousing, especially if their partners have a specific "type" of woman they tend to look at in porn. And the typical porn star look is hard for the average woman to achieve since those women not only have access to heavy duty makeup that normal women don't, they have a professional makeup artist to apply it for them. They also have things like breast implants, labiaplasty, hair extensions, the list goes on. The average woman doesn't have the money for all these procedures, and therefore feels her looks are inferior to the "perfection" of the women in porn. Hence the feeling like "not enough" for their partners. Some women are able to overcome this feeling, but there again for most, it's only to an extent. Women who are not bothered by their partners porn use AT ALL are few and far between. More specifically, women who are not bothered by their partners looking at "better looking" women are few and far between. That's the main reason women have a problem with porn in the first place is because of how the women in it look. (I put better looking in quotes because that's all a matter of opinion). Anyway, the best thing you can do is try to compromise. You can even ask her if she'd prefer you delete the evidence so she doesn't have to see what you looked at. Hiding it is not the answer. It's dishonest, so yes, it's wrong. Just as much as you have the right to look at porn, she has the right to be with someone who doesn't watch it if that's her preference. By lying to her, you're taking that choice away from her, because you're making her think you're someone you're not. I don't care how many men hide it, that doesn't make it right. For me personally, the lying and hiding it is the biggest problem I have with it. I don't care whether it's porn or something else. Lying and hiding stuff from your partner is simply WRONG. It doesn't matter how infrequent the use, either.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (24 February 2014):
 Based on your question, I would as a woman have no issues or concerns with your proposed use of porn.
I think if I was with a man who declined to have sex with me and replaced me with his own hand and porn I would be more concerned but then I would not "ban" porn as trying to legislate what another adult does in private seems rather stupid. I'd just leave.
I have never told a partner he could not watch porn. I do not understand the women that do if the usage is not negatively impacting on the relationship. And if it is I'm not sure why they stay.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2014): I think it's wrong to impose such a ban. If you enjoy porn, why shouldn't you be able to watch it? It's a private act & doesn't have anything to do with her really. I think she's childish and really insecure.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): I guess it depends whether the porn watching interferes with a couples sex life. If a woman is missing out on sex due to her boyfriend watching porn every day and jacking off then yes it is a problem. If the male wants to try different positions or try out fantasies or compare their partners to the women in the porn it can make their partners feel uncomfortable and unloved. Or the porn addiction spills over so that their partner no longer matters to them. It can bring all kinds of issues into a relationship.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2014): Look around and you can find some men who only look at porn when their wife is out of town for a week and they need relief. Other men insist on looking at porn right in front of their wife and jerk off leaving her sexually frustrated.
Look around you can find some women who just want their man not to put porn into their face and hurt their sex life with it. You can find other women who think the slightest porn use while in a relationship is literally just as bad as sleeping with another woman and it justifies a wife financially raping her husband in divorce court over it.
You can even find men who don't like porn, and plenty of women who do.
There is a wide range of how people relate to porn. People in a relationship just need to find whatever compromise works best for them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): I wouldn't want to be with a guy that would accept me banning him from an activity he likes to participate in.
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (22 February 2014):
 I can only speak for myself. If a partners porn watching spilled over into everyday life such that he felt it was run of the mill to except his partner to participate in anal sex, facials, threesomes and all the other things porn actresses *appear* to relish, it would be a deal breaker. I would ask him to stop, and if he didn't I would walk.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): "My girlfriend of one year does not like it if I watch porn. I was not too bothered because she is very attractive to me and sex is really good long sessions, leaving us both happy."
So you've basically told us that men don't like being told to stop looking at porn because their girlfriends aren't attractive enough. I had a feeling that was true :(
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Every time I have a girlfriend who tries to "ban" me from watching porn, I "ban" her from watching romantic comedies. It's no different. Just like porn objectifies women and gives men a false idea of what sex is, romantic comedies give women a false idea of what men are and what romance is. You want to watch The Notebook and fantasize? I'm going to watch College ***kfest 34 and fantasize.Childish? Maybe. But any woman trying to "ban" her man from doing something is the epitome of childish.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Just about every girlfriend I've had has banned porn. Which means on the relatively rare occasion I watch it (only when we haven't had sex for awhile) I have to hide it.
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female
reader, fi_the_tree +, writes (22 February 2014):
 I think it's down to personal opinion whether a partner watches porn. I couldn't care less if my boyfriend watched it or not.
The only thing I don't necessarily agree with is forbidding your partner to do something. I wouldn't ever forbid my fella to do anything, because he may resent me for it, and i don't want that in my relationship. People are individuals, and lets face it, you could be doing worse things!!!
Some people are really naive and insecure. I find it baffling in all honesty. Something as small as not letting you watch porn here and there can lead to bigger issues, not wanting you to do more and more things, potentially leading to paranoia on her part and you having to constantly defend yourself.
Of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion on these matters, that's mine...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (22 February 2014):
 Personally, I think porn is lame and fake and distort what being sexually intimate is all about, however.... I know my husband occasionally watch porn and it doesn't bother me. My biggest issue with him watching it was because of the kids - I don't think it's something kids needs to be introduced to, more then me feeling inadequate. He is "discrete" about it. So as I see it's all good.
I can see why some women find some porn offensive and degrading towards women - the "gang rape" kind of porn, to mention one type. And I can see why some women feel insecure - porn-stars are usually well build girls with a good make up that makes them look pretty. Some have HUGE implants and there are women who feel they can't compete - what these women don't get... is that they aren't competing with porn stars. (for the most part).
Like WiseOwlE mentioned, I don't watch porn either - my imagination is by far more effective. I think when a person feel they NEED (must have) porn to masturbate, they have a problem.
http://yourbrainonporn.com/ had great insight on porn.
If you watch it discretely (when she isn't home and delete the history in your browser) I don't see the big deal, HOWEVER do NOT lie to her and tell her "Oh I don't watch porn, ever". Own it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): Porn for ME would be a big no no. Not because I feel like my boyfriend would be holding me to a standard (though there are adolescent boys and men who think sex in porn is how sex in real life is) or comparing my body to porn stars. I hear a lot of men say they use porn to scratch an itch, simply to get off and nothing more. Well, I see it as an indifference to the objectification of women and men. Unless you're watching romantic porn, any porn that simulates any form of rape gets a thumbs down from me and anyone who gets off on it gets a thumbs down from me. There is so much porn out there. Why watch ones depicting rape? Why not stick to consensual or ones fulfilling non-forced fetishes? But even still, I would set the criteria even higher. I would want my boyfriend to somehow prove or convince me that the actress in the porn film is actually willing to be in the business - which is really tough. There are porn stars who want to leave the business, but can't. There are ones who are forced into the business and can't escape. There are ones who, due to awful financial luck, turn to the business. A lot of men and women don't think about that when they watch porn. They just use it to satisfy themselves and that to me is wrong on so many levels. I don't know what your reasons are for watching porn. And yes, I probably came off extreme and preachy, but that's how it is. Maybe your girlfriend would be more receptive to animated porn or comic porn - which generally people can distinguish from reality and real humans aren't getting hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): It's part of a movement that women would prefer their husbands and boyfriends not watch porn.
It makes them feel they are inadequate in some way; or he wishes to be with other women. It makes them feel they don't measure up to the physical attributes porn actresses have if they are just ordinary women, or less shapely. they also feel porn steals a part of you from them. You are sharing your intimacy or sexuality. Making sex less emotional and just an act. They don't interpret the use the same way we do as men. They'll never understand it. They're mostly wrong; but this topic is so over-worked it's almost an act in futility to give advice. The majority of women speak out against it.
If you must have it. Hide it and don't be an idiot. What you have in your private possession none of their business and let them bring on the argument. If they can have vibrators and satisfy their needs their way, we can do what males do.
If you have a very sensitive and insecure woman,
why would you torture her so? Be discrete.
I'm not going to defend porn. I don't watch it. I won't say I never have, it has never become that much of a habit or tool for me. I have a vivid imagination and satisfactory sex-life. Porn is habit-forming if you don't watch out.
To each his own. I think if a woman is uncomfortable having it around, it shouldn't be. If you're dumb enough to leave evidence to upset her, she has every right to ban it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): I think she's insecure. A lot of girls have problems with their partners watching porn. Apparently, it's because they don't think they're good enough for their partners, and th girls on the screens are.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): I have banned my partner from Waring porn. I should be enough for him just like he is enough fir me. Your girlfriend is right, in my opinion.
Plus if she dose not like it then because it makes her uncomfortable then you defiantly should not be watching.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2014): To me it is normal!
I dumped my ex boyfriend for using porn in the first 3 weeks of doing intimate things together. He didn't want to stop doing it because they have what I don't.
Your situation is different though once a month seems like a breeze compared to what other women put up with!
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