A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think there is something wrong with my new neighbor . He is in his late 50s, has a very sweet wife, grown children and an 8 years old granddaughter. We live in our house for 3 years, and mostly young families with small kids. They just moved in a couple months ago. First I thought he was just complimentary. He always compliments me on my dresses, my smile and how I look. Lately he started standing very close to me, and using words: sexy, attractive, delicious. I told my husband about it, but he just laughed and said that let the old man enjoy the view. Frankly, I feel burden by this attention and I started to think that he is some sort of maniac. Then I talked to one of the mothers on a street from " Mommy and me" group, and she suddenly started asking questions about my neighbor. She then told me that he saw her at the supermarket, and followed her for awhile giving her questionable compliments. Yesterday we went to a dinner to our friends house who lives 2 streets from us. My friend asked me how my neighbor is behaving. I asked her why sheis asking. She said, that his granddaughter and her oldest daughter are friends, and at the kids birthday party he was hitting on her the whole evening. She said his wife was present the whole time but pretended she was not noticing anything. For its obvious there is something off with him. I have no doubt that his family knows but close their eyes on this matter. I am on a verge to explode the next time it happens where he starts flirting with me. He is my neighbor though. But I think he needs to hear somehow. I am ready to say something but don't know how. Any suggestions?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 May 2014):
 I'm with Auntie SVC and Auntie Daisy - I think he is TRYING to be "gallant" and pass out compliments in a really awkward flirty way.
The wife ignore it because she finds it embarrassing, my bet is she's told him a million times it's not appropriate.
Guys like that "prey" (in a manner of speaking) on women to make himself feel good. HE thinks he is being suave and getting attention back without noticing that women find that stuff borderline creepy.
I would try to let him know that you aren't looking for compliments. MAYBE the "silly" comment SVC mentioned might do the trick. My guess is.. the man is oblivious to how women perceive his "flirt-attempts".
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 May 2014):
 I vote for a guy with lack of social skills and a bad case of forgetting he's older... he's flirting badly..
A few "oh bob you so remind me of my grandfather when you say silly things like that" statements should put him in his place.
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A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (7 May 2014):
 He could be a harmless old flirt, he could be someone with no social skills/ awarness or he could be dangerous. The problem is you don't know which of these he is.
If he gives you another compliment, state firmly "I don't think that is appropriate language, please stop". If he stares at you or stands too close, state "you are making me feel uncomfortable" and move away from him. If he is a harmless old flirt or someone with no social skills/ awareness, this should work. And I wouldn't worry about offending him either; put your own feelings before his!
I had a similar thing with a man who was part of a meetup group. We couldn't decide whether he was socially challenged or a perv, but the end result was the same: he was evicted from the group. I then found out he was in trouble with the police (to the extent that they raided his home) last year; something to do with harrassing a woman. So he is either very socially challenged (Aspergers?) or dangerous, I don't really know.
Obviously you can't evict this man from your life, but you can start by asserting yourself when his behaviour is inappropriate. I think you need to make it clearer to your husband about how this affects you, because at the moment he is making light of something that is really bothering you (actually quite rudely; "enjoy the view"?!). Make it crystal clear how you feel, and perhaps your husband will have a quiet word with the neighbour. If this doesn't get better but rather esclates (e.g. stalking, becoming a 'peeping Tom'), and you ever feel in danger, call the police.
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A
male
reader, RevMick +, writes (7 May 2014):
 Hi,
I would be careful about jumping to conclusions as I counsel a number of men and women with mental health issues, and some of them do have problems with what they think and what they speak.
It could be a form of dementia or senility. The fact that his wife knows and hasn't said anything leads me to think she is either nervous about this or it has become normal.
If on the other hand it isn't a health issue, it could be that he is naturally affectionate and complimentary. I would doubt anything would ever become of it.
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A
female
reader, cattycakes +, writes (7 May 2014):
"You are making yourself look ridiculous. Leave me alone".
The ladies will need to come up with a joint approach if it continues and upsets you all.
You could keep out of his way. I think that would be best. He is probably a harmless dirty old man. If things get worse someone will have to ask his family for help. I am sure they know, as you say. It could be dementia or a mental health issue?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): Some men are just huge flirts, maybe not even intentionally. Some do it for the ego boost, but would never act on it. You're right, maybe his family does know, but some wives are ok with their husband being a flirt. He's also new to the neighbourhood, so maybe he's reaching out a little more to make new friends, but not going about it in the right way.The trouble is he might think he's being innocently charming, when actually he's being hugely inappropriate. I wouldn't go as far to say a maniac from your description, but then again, I'm not sure what vibe he might be giving you. The best thing is to not take it too seriously, but be upfront and if he's standing too close or using language you don't like, just say "I don't think it's appropriate to talk to me like that/I don't feel comfortable with you talking or acting that way".He will laugh it off, or call you a b*tch, most men are like that unfortunately from experience, but if you make your boundaries clear as soon as possible, he should realise that it is not ok to behave that way with you and will back off. You never know he could genuinely be embarrassed to have made you feel that way and apologise. If it continues, I would take a stronger approach. I would really refuse to talk or interact with him at all if it continues and you've made your feelings clear. Don't be afraid to come across as rude when someone is not giving you respect. I'd go so far as to make him aware that you've told him you don't like it, and will involve your husband or his wife if he does not stop, and go ahead and do that if it reaches that point.And of course, if you ever feel threatened, intimidated or like he is becoming a constant pest, do pick up the phone and call the police. Do not stand for it, or feel silly if other people don't take you seriously (your husband).Like I said though, if you make your feelings clear as soon as it next happens, I seriously doubt it would come to that.
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