A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everybody. Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years, but we recently had a 'break' from the relationship. We've been together since we were 17 years old and everybody always used to say that we would be the couple that would be childhood sweethearts. If I'm honest I hit the jackpot with him. He's my big friendly giant. He's caring, faithful, affectionate, works hard and has always made sure I felt like number one. He's included me with his family and made a huge effort with my family. He has gone above and beyond for me and if I'm honest sometimes I do feel like I took that for granted. I ended the relationship back in October last year, mainly because when we have an argument or a disagreement his downside is he's a very stubborn person. Regardless of who caused the argument or what it was over he will not back down, apologise or try and resolve the argument quickly. Where my argument 'style' you could say is to air what is bothering you, have the disagreement and then move on from it. I personally don't see the point in dragging an argument out just to come to same result. An apology and it be forgotten. However once my boyfriend is angry he finds it very difficult to forget quickly. He isn't one to shout or argue, he will just get into the worst mood and ignore me. He won't speak to me, text me and even if I apologise it will still take him a while to move on from this. I was getting sick of arguing for days, and after a petty argument over an outfit and him ignoring me for 9 days in total after I refused to give in and make the first move I ended the relationship. We were both pretty upset but I decided I was young, I had been with him for most of my teenage years and that maybe it was time to try something different. I quickly realised that I did love this stroppy idiot, and we ended up getting back together 8 weeks later. We have sorted someone of our issues, we have both realised that we are worth the effort. We have brought in a date night Friday, where every Friday night we go out as a couple and try new resteraunts, places, films. We have both realised how much we do appreciate each other and how much we took for granted. We are both more appreciative and thankful for the other person. However, one thing that hasn't changed is his stubbornness. We had our first argument yesterday over a petty issue. Which he dragged out for the whole evening, and only this morning did he ring me and apologise. He said he was sorry for being stubborn but it's a personality trait that he finds hard. This is an improvement as before he would of never apologised, but I still had to contact him first saying how he was back to his old ways before he contacted me to apologise. Is this something that I am just going to have to accept is part of him? I realise we are all different, and most of the time things are great between us. Do you think this is something that he will grow out of? Or shall I just accept that's his way and move on from it. Thanks for reading.
View related questions:
move on, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 May 2014):
 It's his personality. He will NOT outgrow it.
If he WANTS to he can learn to MODIFY it, but his inherent nature is NOT going to change.
You have to decide if the pain of his being stubborn is worth being with him.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (11 May 2014):
He definitely won't grow out of it, but he could learn to deal with it in a more mature manner by seeing a behavioral therapist (I think that's what they're called).
You sound just like me and he sounds just like my wife. No matter how much reason I provide, she does the same thing he does. I've had to be the one to learn to live with it because she's not changing. So now I just use those times when she's giving me the silent treatment to do something by myself. We've been together for 7 years and she hasn't changed. She does realize she has a problem, but when she gets mad she doesn't care.
She's going to start seeing a behavioral therapist in the near future but she doesn't have the time until schools done with in June.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 May 2014):
 I'm stubborn beyond belief. Always was, ALWAYS will be. It's one of those things my husband JUST had to accept.
My husband is a MAJOR procrastinator and that annoys the FIRE out of me. Do or don't do, but don't SAY you will do thing and then take 3 months to do it LOL However, I have accepted that THIS is who my husband is. So if I want stuff done NOW, I do them.
YOUR BF shouldn't CHANGE for you. IF his stubbornness constantly ruin things for him, HE might try and change that part of him, BUT YOU have to realize and ACCEPT that THAT is PART of who he is.
You are not dating your own male clone. HE is who he is.
JUST like HE has to accept that YOU are the way YOU are. There is NO right way to "argue" there are WAYS that you two can LEARN to compromise when you disagree, but it should be YOUR way or the highways constantly.
You two need to improve on your communication.
Anyone can "pretend" to apologize, but if they don't REALLY mean it, it's worthless.
...............................
|
