A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm 54, married with children (grown up) and I've become obsessed with a guy at work who is younger than most of my children. I get on so well with him, but for some time my feelings toward him have become sexual. What the hell do I do??
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male
reader, AvgGuy1  +, writes (16 May 2014):
 Unless you've had homosexual fantasies all your life... and just not 'acted' upon them... have suppressed them this whole time. You probably need to re-evaluate your feelings for him.
On the other hand, if you've been suppressing fantasies/feelings for men all along... you MIGHT very well be gay, or at least BI. I've know quite a few guys who didn't come out... until their kids were out of high school... and in some cases out of college.
Another thing to consider is WHOM he likes. HE might not be gay or even bi.
Only you know so only you can truly decide what you should do.
A
female
reader, cardinal +, writes (14 May 2014):
 I think the question you have to ask yourself is do you love your husband? If so, then do not fall for a sexual desire. I know myself how strong they can be, but maybe try to figure out a way to make your husband fulfill that desire in you instead of seeking a younger man, and I would distance myself away from him.If you don't love your husband, then file for divorce. If he doesn't make you happy, then do something about it. then once you are divorced, you can do as you please. it's not that I find 'holy matrimony' precious or anything like that, you just don't want your husband to find out and get yourself into a miserable, guilty, untrustworthy rut. (believe me I've been there...still am) in my experience, cheating wasn't worth it. tell your husband you want to get freaky, and forget the lad. good luck!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (11 May 2014):
 I have to take issue with the anonymous response..."...I think if he is discreet and you are too why not?? Just don't fall in love....have fun!"That advice is ridiculous! If the OP is married why jeopardize a marriage for the sake of a quick shag when the chances are that others will find out, as office flings usually have a habit of being found out? Especially as young guys often boast about there sexual conquests and if he is free and single its no skin of his nose if he tells the world he got laid.Anonymous are you saying cheating is fine as long as its discrete? And to add "just don't fall in love" is laughable! What happens if the OP makes love to this person and ends up emotionally close and develops strong feelings? Its NOT work the risk of that happening for a moment of madness. Anonymous you have just given us all the perfect excuse to cheat: "Life's too short". Yes its normal to be sexually attractive and normal to find others attractive while married. But it is emotionally, financially and morally devastating to get involved in lies, deceit and cheating. Anonymous reader how would you answer a question from someone from someone asking what to do as there wife had cheated on them with someone younger then their own children? Would you use the same style of response and say "well she's beautiful, life's to short and I'm sure she wont have fallen in love so all is fine with the world?"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 May 2014): I think life is short and if you are a sexual beautiful woman (you are still young), it is only normal that you will be attracted to younger men and vice versa...I think if he is discreet and you are too why not?? Just don't fall in love....have fun!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (9 May 2014):
 Crushes are funny things, you can get them on just about anybody even people of your own sex. But it doesn't change the nature of the beast. You just need to distance yourself as much as you can, focus on your wife and family as much as you can, and just ride this out. Crushes do fade it just takes some time and patience.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 May 2014):
 MODS... can you advise us is the OP male as the post says or is the OP a female as most of us assumed?[Mod note: the OP selected "M" as the gender, there is no other way of identifying the gender. Assume male unless otherwise informed by the OP.]
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (9 May 2014):
 Keep it as a fantasy is my advice
* Your married
* Your a colleague
* Your alot older
The grass will only be greener for a brief time if you did give in and persue it.
What if you lose all you have, what if he laughed at you for flirting and trying to 'bed' him ?
Start to focus on your marriage,husband and social life so you don't have time to fantasise. There are plenty of things you can do now your children are grown, having a fling is not the wisest - no matter how tempting.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (9 May 2014):
This is likely to end very badly if your not careful. If you end up sleeping, or getting involved, with this younger guy and your husband finds out then that will cost you your marriage, will hurt your grown up children and as he is younger than your own kids probably make your adult children question your motives and judgement. If I found out my mom had slept with someone younger than me I would be mortified.You don't say what this mans situation is but realistically if you are 54 and he is in his late teens through to mid twenties then you are both at very different stages of your lives. He is possibly yet to go through experiences and life stages that your own children have been through, let alone you. This can only work as an outlet for sex. A long term relationship is highly unlikely to work out with this guy. Is it worth risking your marriage and reputation for a quick bonk?You need to start avoiding this man as much as is possible, stop flirting, stop making excuses to see him and chat to him and explain to him that you are married and no longer wish to have him flirt with you. Clearly if you work together there will be times when your paths cross and its important to be polite and professional but avoid this situation of flirting and so forth. Im assuming he is showing signs he fancies you rather than this being one sided?If you have to work closely with this man then it may be worth speaking to your manager about the situation and ask to be moved to another section or team. Fairly excruciating im sure, but not half as difficult as explaining to your children why you threw away a marriage by having sex with someone younger than they are!For certain it can be flattering as a woman of 54 to have a young, attractive, fit young male show you attention and want to sleep with you. But taken too far and this could turn really messy. At 54 you have to think that if you split from your husband because of sleeping with this other man, your long term financial situation could also suffer. Your closer to retirement than the start of your career and you really shouldn't be throwing away the security and family that you have over a lustful episode to give your ego a boost.This lad can (presumably) sleep with whom he likes and not give a monkeys, you are not in that situation. He might be free and single but you are certainly not.You also need to be aware that your co workers will pick up on the feelings and attraction and gossip. We could argue all day as to what constitutes cheating but what is harmless fun but the bottom line is that weather you have sex or not, office gossip is what people believe rather than fact. If, and I emphasise IF, your husband is no longer able to perform, or loosing his drive then you need to speak to him about it. He needs to seek professional help to overcome that to satisfy your needs. Turning to a testosterone filled youngster might seem a good temporary solution but in the long term will cause nothing but pain. You need to learn self control, take a step back and occupy your mind with your interests and family and your work time with work. Obsessing over this young guy who probably just sees you as a quick shag with an older woman is not advisable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2014): I would put it down to midlife crisis. This man is young good looking and a lit to offer. His fun to Be around do NOT ruin a family by sexual desires . This world has changed so much. Gay/lesbian being made more excepted has made everyone question the slightest thought of the opposit sex. Get a grip and make love to your WIFE.
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