A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I have started to really like this guy and he is three years older than me I am 15 soon to be 16, he has a girlfriend but recently has been texting me and being really nice and leaving kisses,and at first I only thought of him as a friend but now I'm started to have feelings for him but he asked a question so I replied and now he's not replying I can see he has read the message but has not replied in a whole day,I know a day doesn't seem long but my phone shows he has see the message and has been messaging someone else,he also has a girlfriend and this makes him seem bad but he's really not that's why I was slightly shocked cuz he's not the typical guy that cheats and leads on loads of girls,what should I do I am so confused and I don't know If he likes me it not?
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male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (8 May 2014):
 "I know you all think I'm in like denil or whatever but I can't actually explain to you his personality because he is totally different"You THINK he is totally different because he SEEMS to you to be charming, popular, well liked, kind, considerate, mature, respectful, etc...in reality he is playing on your naivety. You need to learn that this is how men and boys manipulate and get what they want. "maybe actually he might not mean anything by it"Then why would he do it? Why would he risk his GF finding out he was flirting with you and falling out with him if he means nothing by it. He, like many men who want something form a girl, has been testing the water, adding a bit more here, a few more kisses there to gain your trust so he can take advantage of it. "we wernt talking in a flirty way to start with either it's just later on in the conversation he started adding in kisses and faces??" That's usually how cheating starts. Kisses and faces in text, etc are a from of flirting. Why do you ask him if his GF knows you are adding kisses and faces and see what his reaction is. "the thing is the age isn't my concern here"Well it should be. OP you are a child. Im sure you find that patronising and feel very mature and grown up BUT in just a few years you will look back and realize just how young 15 actually is. Or 16 for that matter. You original question and your follow ups show us that you are still quite naïve and lack awareness of the reality of this situation. Sadly this site has a lot of questions, and "in denial" follow ups, from underage girls being used and taken advantage of from adult males. You don't want to end up In that situation. As a girl under the age of consent you must be vary wary of any ADULT who flirts with you or tries to befriend you in a way that is flirty, involves kisses or anything of that nature. Men who behave that way towards underage girls are called paedophiles and you and every other girl your age needs to be careful. NOBODY who falls victim to such awful behaviour thinks of the adult responsible as being in the wrong. Unfortunately, the response we get from underage girls who have inappropriate attention from adult men, is that he is totally different or that he is very lovely and sweet. This is an ACT some adult men put on to seduce underage girls. This is called "grooming" and is a horrible crime. Maybe this particular man is simply naïve to this but I doubt it. Sadly OP a lot of grown men want sex with underage girls. To say that ""the thing is the age isn't my concern here" is very naïve and putting yourself at risk. How would his mother or Girlfriend, or work collegues, react if they found out that this supposedly great guy was sending flirty, sexy texts to an underage girl behind his GFs back?????
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (8 May 2014):
 OP, you are too young to realize that starting out as friendly chat and progressing to winks and kisses and smiley faces is how it works...
He IS cheating on his GF unless she knows he's sending you winks and smiles and kisses... does she know? Would you tell her? Why or Why not? THINK about this. ASK HIM if she knows about your conversations and see how he reacts (not in text ask him face to face)... you are playing with fire... and setting yourself up to get a reputation as a skanky girl who steals boyfriends.
Also consider that if you end up with a boyfriend who had a GF when you met him, will YOU EVER TRUST a boy who SHOWS you that he's able to lie and cheat on someone he supposedly loves? The answer needs to be NO....
NEVER try to get a boy away from another girl.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): You have your head in the sand. Pull it out. He wants you and who knows how many other girls AND his girlfriend and you are underage and he should know better than to flirt with a minor. You'll realise this when you get a little older. Right now you're being taken in and charmed. How would your parents feel about this? I doubt very much they'd approve...
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone all your answers they helped so much bit the thing is the age isn't my concern here,and I know you all think I'm in like denil or whatever but I can't actually explain to you his personality because he is totally different to his I have been involved with in the past and maybe actually he might not mean anything by it,maybe I'm just reading too much into it,I'm just leaving it and see what happens cuz I have never wanted to be that kind if girl that comes between a guy and his girlfriend cuz I know how it feels but thy was never my intention I'm not that type of person,we wernt talking in a flirty way to start with either it's just later on in the conversation he started adding in kisses and faces??
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (8 May 2014):
"everyone knows he loves his girlfriend to bits and he would never cheat on her" Really? then why is he flirting with you? Just because he comes across as Mr Wonderful and Honest doesn't mean he actually is wonderful and honest. That's a lesson for you OP! Your family like him because they see his outward persona, the mask. They don't see the fact that he is flirting with an underage girl behind his GFs back!Please don't confuse being popular with being decent. " I just don't understand what all this means " Well it means this looser is a cheat and someone who enjoys the thrill of having several women respond to his flirtations behind his GF's back. "I wasn't sure if these kisses and winky faces actually mean anything" Well why not ask his GF if they mean anything and see how long it takes her to either burst into tears or smack you around the face....im being sarcastic and don't advice you tell his GF about these flirty texts.Avoid this guy who is playing on your inexperience and naivity to big himself up behind his GFs back!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2014): I'm sorry but just imagine you're with a boy, and you find out some girl who has "started to like him", has been flirting, sending texts and he's been flirting back?? How would you feel? Pretty devastated right? Like wise owl said he doesn't respect her feelings or her trust. Would you be happy if your bf was doing this? Consider it cheating right?He may be three years older but 18 is a baby, he's still VERY young, not as mature as you think he is, and not such a nice person if he's doing this to his gf...He'll end up playing you too and you'll end up stuck in a web of hurt and heartbreak. Like his gf... Good luck anyway.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (7 May 2014):
 I agree with Wise Owl.
Learn the lesson now, do not go after other people's boyfriends, no matter how much you think you like them. It will only ever end in tears, and one day it could be you on the other end of this situation.
Imagine if you were his girlfriend and this was happening to you - how would you feel? Cheated? Miserable? Angry?
If a boy really likes you, he will not cheat. He would do the right thing and be single first. I suspect he probably just likes all the female attention.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not going after him,I didn't even realise what wa happening at first I mean I only saw him as a friend and he's. It like most guys these days everyone knows he loves his girlfriend to bits and he would never cheat on her but I just don't understand what all this means an where it's going it's an akward situation cuz all my family really like him and I wasn't sure if these kisses and winky faces actually mean anything it if I'm looking too far I to it cuz i kinda like him!
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 May 2014):
okay so you are a 15 year old child, he is an 18 year old man. Firstly it is not appropriate for a grown man, an adult, to flirt or have any kind of relationship with a girl of 15. No matter how mature and grown up you think you are OP it is still wrong. Yes you may be a few weeks/months off turning 16, but another way to look at it is that you are only a few months past being 14. You are legally a child and he is legally an adult male. For that reason alone he should not be texting you in such a manner, even if innocently meant. Secondly, you say he isn't the "typical guy who cheats"? No offence OP but at 15 you have a lot to learn about relationships and men. Most men who cheat don't seem the "typical type" which is why they get away with it! If he is flirting by text with and underage girl, while having a girlfriend, then not only is his behaviour inappropriate, it is also not a nice thing to do behind his girlfriends back.The bottom line is that if he has a girlfriend yet is flirting with you then that is wrong and tells us that he is not a nice person, despite what you may think. You are clearly going to be flattered that a guy of 18 is interested in you and its only natural for you to develop a crush on this guy but you need to step back and look at the reality of the situation.If he likes you or not is irrelevant. If he, an 18 year old ADULT, had any kind of relationship with a girl of 15 then that would be wrong on so many levels. He could go to jail, could be called a paedophile at worst and a cheat and dishonest person at best. If this guy has any sense he will concentrate on his relation with his (presumably) adult GF and stop texting underage girls.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2014): I'm sorry my dear, but if he is sending you kisses? That is cheating.
If he is texting and being nice to other girls behind his girlfriend's back. He is taking advantage of her trust.
It means he does not respect her feelings. If she knew, she would be very hurt.
If you keep texting him back, you would also be guilty of helping him to do it. You wouldn't want anyone to do that, if he was your boyfriend. Would you?
You don't go after guys who have girlfriends. You don't want other girls coming after yours.
If he cheats on her, he will cheat on you too. He doesn't answer; because she may know what he did. She will be angry at him, and you too!
Don't go after another girl's boyfriend. That's not fair!
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