A
female
age
41-50,
*agunaangel
writes:I met Andrew 4 years back.we have Ben dating ever since.He is a very good man and I love him very muchWe even have a beautiful 5 months baby girl together .He has another of 7 years old call her AnitaAnita's mother has been in the picture ever since I met Andrew.she has been staying in Andrews house and we have been renting.For these reasons. She didn't have where to go. She has Andrews daughter. She does not workI know she tried to make it work with Andrew even when he was with me.but it has failedIn the same house, lives Andrews sister who is a bitch..and has been tormenting her to get out of that house.Andrews sister lives in the quartersShe does not like Anita's mum and made her stay as difficult as it can get.Now, Anita's mum has decided to finally move out! after getting a job.leaving behind Anita. She just packed and left. With the little I know, i think because Andrews sister is really not a nice person.And because Andrew is not in love with her anymoreI must add, that Andrew has also not been god to her, using her to raise his daughter and generally knowing that she was too broke to not go anywhere.So she finally decided she has had enough.She left Anita.Challenge is, Andrew is asking to move in in that house and I help him raise Anita together with our daughter.Right now Andrew is with Anita in the house.Though I am happy that the other woman is finally out of the picture, am worried about1. Staying with that terrible sister inlaw2. Being a step mum3. Am quite a very independent woman, so I think I will find the whole arrangements very demanding and congesting.So what do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (7 May 2014):
 your title says "HE WANTS" what do YOU want?
I think you do not want to move in to be the in house babysitter and that's a good thing.
Also he does not want you to move in to be near YOU as much as have a caretaker for his child.
I'd decline the offer.
A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (6 May 2014):
You should be talking to him about this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2014): You are better off where you are.
There will be total drama with his evil-sister. She is over-protective of her brother, and apparently has too much say in his relationships. This is because he uses her as his foot-soldier, to do his dirty-work. He values her abrasive-personality as a tool. There is a built-in alliance there; or he would make her mind her own business. Trust me on that! She cleans house, in more ways than one.
It wouldn't hurt to let the girls get to know each other, and occasionally baby-sit. Do not make it a habit. You don't want your relationship based on tending to his daughter. You'll grow attached, and so will your daughter.
It becomes complicated, if he gets angry if you don't wish to move-in. I highly suggest that you don't.
Let him "put a ring on it;" before you make such a commitment. His sister has to be out of the picture first.
She acts like a territorial guard-dog; but she may have been right kicking the ex's mom out. His ex would have a legal-right to child-support; if she and his daughter lived separately. Now he can claim full custodial-rights of his child; and should she decide to challenge him. Depending on the laws in your country.
He may be only looking for a free-sitter. That is not your responsibility. Let his sister help with that; since she's so on-top of his business. Then Anita's mother is always circling above for a moment to swoop-in, and create baby-mama drama.
In simple American-terms. Your arrangement with this guy sucks. You are the vulnerable one.
I would not put my eggs in his basket. Keep your own place, minimize friction with his sister, and do not let yourself be used. As things are now, you have a safe and stable environment for you own child. So stay-put.
However; it would not hurt to get acquainted with Anita. She is only an innocent child. You date her father; therefore, she is not to be left-out. She should not be a pawn or used as leverage in any way. You're a mother, so I may have no right to go there. You know instinctively what to do. Children always come first. They should always be protected no matter how stupid we adults may behave.
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (6 May 2014):
 Normally I'd say it was odd for a couple who is still together and has a child together n to live together, but in this case I think it best you stay in your own home where you have the greatest security.
If and when you decline his invitation, do NOT include his nasty sister as a reason. If she isn't hostile to you now she will be when he tells her what you've said about her, and believe me he WILL tell her.
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