| Latest articles: About Facebook and relationships
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
12 October 2011: While generally facebook is considered a fun way to keep in touch with friends and share photos, it can be a huge source of turmoil in a relationship. If I had a dime for every time I read "I'm worried because I saw something on her/his facebook..." ...
Is Pornography cheating?
This question has 100 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
1 May 2011: The age old question on this site seems to be "is pornography use cheating?" My response to that first depends on how you define cheating. A relationship is basically a sexual contract, an agreement between two (sometimes more) people. These people ...
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Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 18 October 2010: "I'm saying that, just as one spouse may have to go without sometimes, it's only fair for the other to put out for a quickie now and again."
I agree with this completely and get a lot of flack for saying it on other posts. If me or my partner (who... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 12 October 2010: Yeah I read the article when it came out. When women aren't making $0.80 to every dollar men make, which is actually more like $.40 to the dollar when you factor in how much more of childcare and healthcare women usually have to pay, when women hold ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 12 October 2010: Just because a female virgin is desired, doesn't make it any less sexist. It's not desired for any natural reason, it is simply because men, being in a more sexually privileged group, feel they are more entitled to feel angry and jealous than women ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 11 October 2010: First to address the rape statistic, sorry I haven't looked at the statistics since high school, but according to Rainn.org (the largest American group working to end rape) the number is actually 1 in 6 now. Sorry for misrepresenting. Other than an ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 10 October 2010: Yes I read that article in NY Mag. I wasn't particularly interested in the article but I did read through every single last comment. I couldn't help it. I got interested from seeing the anger around the issue on this website, and then the comments ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 4 October 2010: I agree about faking it, I never understood why it became so OK to fake it. It's so deceitful! I can't even imagine how much that would hurt, to be a guy and find out you don't rock her world as much as you thought you did. Plus all it does is ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 3 October 2010: "It common knowledge that for every one lie a man tells, the women tells ten."
Um, excuse me? That's an incredibly sexist assumption, just like that response in the marriage post saying white women are selfish and you won't date them anymore. I assu... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 1 October 2010: He could respect her wishes and stop. I know that some of the lying is about protecting her from hurt feelings, but a lot of the lying is also so he doesn't have to face up to the reality that he's hurting her and to avoid dealing with her getting ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend says she wants an open relationship?
Q. My Girlfriend want's an open relationship and i don't. We have been together for 3 years and are gonna get engaged and married. Still she is barely able to see me because of my job and college. I don't know what i should do....
A. 30 September 2010: Unfortunately all you can do is express your feelings on the matter. If you don't want an open relationship and she does, it will only end in heartbreak for you. If she's unwilling to remain monogamous when you want that, you should hold off on ... (read in full...)
What do women really, actually want?
Q. Why do women so often say they want things that aren't the man himself, e.g. clothes, tatoos, car, house, money, job, hairstyle? If you ask a man what he really wants, he wants a good looking, healthy woman who doesn't actually need makeup, or ...
A. 30 September 2010: It's different for every woman. You generalize with what men want, but that's not what men want, that's what you want. You shouldn't generalize for all men, just like I can't generalize for all women. Furthermore, like what Moo's Mum said, what you ... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to shave?
Q. Ok first question on here......lol My GF has a hairy vulva...and id prefer her to be shaven/waxed , How can i encourage her trim up? [Mod note: changed 'vagina' to 'vulva' for accuracy]...
A. 30 September 2010: If you already take care to groom down there, and subtle hints aren't working, you should try less subtle ways of asking. To sugarcoat it when you ask, you can say something like, I really want to give you oral sex, but it would be so much easier ... (read in full...)
Would this work in preventing pregnancy in the same way Plan B would?
Q. Last night my boyfriend and I had sex and it turns out that right when he had an orgasm and was finished, the condom broke. I ran straight to the bathroom and cleaned myself off and made sure that I got most of it out, but I feel like I should ...
A. 30 September 2010: First off, you're not supposed to swallow spermicide. I'm surprised that didn't hurt you a lot. Second off, plan B is only available at the pharmacy counter, not on the shelves. And no, spermicide will not work to prevent pregnancy after the act. ... (read in full...)
Questions about sex and boys.....
Q. [Moderator's Note: 2 questions from the same poster have been merged into one] Does it hurt when a girl has sex for the first time? And are boys attracted to girls with big butts or unattracted?...
A. 29 September 2010: It can hurt the first time, but if you're properly turned on and use some lube you can minimize it. Make sure you use a condom no matter what. Absolutely nothing is worth taking the risk of pregnancy or STDs. And I'd tell you to wait until you're a ... (read in full...)
Does the pain ever go away?
Q. Hi, This may not be the right place for my Q but I thought I'd ask it anyway. My father very suddenly collapsed and died in my arms over 20 yrs ago although it feels like yesterday. Each year on the anniversary of his death (today) I a...
A. 29 September 2010: Have you considered going to therapy? It is very helpful for dealing with grief.... (read in full...)
I have discovered my boyfriend has been contacting girls for webcam sex! What should I do?
Q. Today I searched on google my boyfriend's mail and the results that appeared all where from comments he posted on porn blogs for girls to contact him (for webcam sex and I don't know for what more). One of them had the date of four days ago and we ...
A. 29 September 2010: You forgave him once (for something most people probably wouldn't), and now less than a week later he's betrayed your trust again. This shows that he basically only feels bad for being caught. He can only treat you badly until you stop letting him ... (read in full...)
How can I get my boyfriend to come onto me?
Q. how do i get my boyfriend to come on to me? its been 3 weeks since he has even tried to have sex with me and when i try he shoves me away and makes up excuses all the time when i bring it up! so what do i do?...
A. 29 September 2010: In a non-sexual situation you need to just ask him what's wrong, since something is obviously up. Try not to be accusing so he doesn't get offensive. But this is something you just need to talk about.... (read in full...)
How can I get my girlfriend to shave?
Q. Ok first question on here......lol My GF has a hairy vulva...and id prefer her to be shaven/waxed , How can i encourage her trim up? [Mod note: changed 'vagina' to 'vulva' for accuracy]...
A. 29 September 2010: Once you've waxed or shaved all your hair off, then you should just ask her to extend the same courtesy. She can always say no though, given that being shaved is a ton of maintenance and very itchy. And waxing is horrendously painful. But if you're ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend says he doesn't want to get married or have kids. Will he ever change?
Q. My boyfriend says he doesn't want to get married or have kids. We about 19 which isnt a big deal yet, but we have been together for 6 years. Should i expect his answer of marriage and kids to stay the same, or do you think he will ever change his ...
A. 29 September 2010: You're both very young and it's extremely possible it will change. I wouldn't break up with him at such a young age over this. That said, if by the time he hits say, 22, 23, 24, whatever age you want to start thinking about these thing, he still is ... (read in full...)
How could I have hpv this long and not know?
Q. I been with my boyfriend for 14 years. He is the olny one i been with. On May 2010 my DR call me to tell me that I have hpv. I know he gave it to me. my question is could I had hpv for 14 years and not know it....
A. 27 September 2010: I may be wrong on this, but I'm pretty sure most people with HPV do not show symptoms, and I don't think men ever show symptoms. If you were not his first, it's entirely possible that he picked it up before he met you and transmitted it. I wouldn't ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to love who she is, but be uncomfortable about her past?
Q. My girlfriend has been feeling increasingly distant the past view months. We have been on a smooth relationship until now, but I sometimes wonder if she's started to stray elsewhere in her mind. I feel somewhat responsible, because she seem unhappy ...
A. 27 September 2010: This is an unfortunately common problem, especially among men, but among both genders. The only thing I can say is that as women, we like sex too. There's really nothing different about the way we have sex from the way you have sex. In fact I feel ... (read in full...)
Scrotum hair removal?
Q. My boyfriend wants to remove the hair from his scrotum. What is the best way to go about this? He's also worried it will be itchy when it grows back....
A. 27 September 2010: Yowza, why???? Yes it will be itchy for both of you. I wouldn't recommend shaving, really waxing is the only way to go (ouch). Or he could just trim it short with scissors. That's pretty effective.... (read in full...)
Are men good at reading women?
Q. Hi, you know women are meant to be the masters of reading body language and emotions, etc? I have to say, I've never once been wrong about who is and who isn't interested in me. I'm pretty good at sussing people out. But what I want to know is, are ...
A. 27 September 2010: Some men are, some men aren't. In my experience most aren't, though it seems to mostly be due to not having to do it all the time growing up. ... (read in full...)
Lacking stamina in bed?
Q. How long should a girl be able to go for before she gets tired during sex? This is nothing to do with coming, but more like physical exhaustion. I can go on top, but I can only go for a few minutes before I'm exhausted. My boyfriend can go for ten ...
A. 27 September 2010: Maybe you're making the work harder for yourself somehow in your positioning? It looks good when you prop yourself up there not using your hands, only using your legs, but I don't think I personally could go more than 2 minutes doing that. Try ... (read in full...)
I don't want to trap him, I just really want a baby!
Q. Hi, I'm 29, really keen to have children. I have a new bf of a few weeks. I really like him and things are going great. I'm so broody, though, I'm thinking of trying to get pregnant without telling him. If he wants a baby, great, if he doesn't, ...
A. 27 September 2010: Yes it's extremely immoral. You will be trapping him, lying to him, not to mention tying him to you financially forever. If you want a baby that badly and cannot wait then go to a sperm bank. But it's incredibly wrong to trick someone into this.... (read in full...)
Anyone had any results from Kegel exercises?
Q. Hey,has anyone had great results from kegel exercises?...
A. 27 September 2010: Yes! They make sex better for everyone involved. The guy can feel things you do with them for mind-blowing sex. It gives you better control of your orgasms. As well it can give you stronger, longer, and more powerful orgasms. Some people also say it ... (read in full...)
I watch porn so I'll be ready for sex
Q. I am a girl teen virgian and i like to watch porn so when i do have sex ill be ready is that weird and is in normal to masturbate?...
A. 27 September 2010: Masturbation is totally normal and healthy (and will definitely lead to a better sex life) yes, but you shouldn't be looking to porn for sex ed. It's very unrealistic, it's a world where people screw and it's devoid of any emotions (often devoid of ... (read in full...)
What is this thing inside me?
Q. I have like this weird feeling in my vagina like a ball in the back of it.and when i have sex my partner hits it and it does not bother me but it make me feel like i have to pass a stool what can that ball feeling be?...
A. 26 September 2010: At your age and since you're sexually active you should be getting annual pap smears. When you go in you can always ask. But I agree with the cervix "diagnosis." The texture of your cervix should feel, like the end of your nose, or some other ... (read in full...)
Doing it every day, will it harm me?
Q. hey i have a doubt.. i do masturbate daily.. does it harm me?...
A. 25 September 2010: Nope. It's definitely good for you. Mood elevating, some studies show it decreases the chances for some kinds of cancer if you do it 3 times a week.... (read in full...)
I want to have sex but I just can't
Q. My wife is at the end of her rope on my case. I have some mayor sexual problem, but nobody could figure it out so far what is it. It started years ago, and now we tried all help,but I wonder ,if anybody could relate to it. She is a beautiful woman, ...
A. 25 September 2010: Have you tried seeing a sex therapist? This seems like something psychological that may need some time-consuming working out. I can't really see anything else to do. Can you get turned on by anything at all? Or is it just your wife?... (read in full...)
What do women like/dislike about getting it in the face?
Q. So I'm with a girlfriend who loves to make me come. She swallows, which is amazing in itself, but she wants me to come other places if I want. I would like to try coming in her face, well, really more like her open mouth, but I've always thought ...
A. 25 September 2010: It's good you're thinking about these things, like not treating her like a "fuckdoll" as you say and that you realize it's a product of porn and that you realize it's degrading. Cumming on someone's body isn't necessarily degrading, but onto her ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for breasts to be flat when a woman is lying down?
Q. I have a somewhat silly question I haven't seen asked here before. I have size C breasts - good enough when standing upright, but when I lay down they go flat...too flat for my liking. I wish they defied gravity haha! So my question is, do ...
A. 25 September 2010: Who needs guys to play with 'em? :) The fat is still there, it just spreads like a pancake. They're YOUR breasts, yours to play with and jiggle around.... (read in full...)
Nice guys finish last, atleast that's what I'm seeing
Q. Nice guys finish last or at least thats how I see it, The beautiful women are attracted to the D bag guys. I am the typical nice guy I think I don't talk about people behind there backs and am usually honest. The girls I like only like me as a ...
A. 25 September 2010: I find that girls are attracted to the jerky guys at your age because we can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogant/cocky. When you get older, if you can develop a bit of confidence, girls will be all for the nice guy.... (read in full...)
Nice guys finish last, atleast that's what I'm seeing
Q. Nice guys finish last or at least thats how I see it, The beautiful women are attracted to the D bag guys. I am the typical nice guy I think I don't talk about people behind there backs and am usually honest. The girls I like only like me as a ...
A. 25 September 2010: I find that girls are attracted to the jerky guys at your age because we can't tell the difference between confidence and arrogant/cocky. When you get older, if you can develop a bit of confidence, girls will be all for the nice guy.... (read in full...)
Is it normal for breasts to be flat when a woman is lying down?
Q. I have a somewhat silly question I haven't seen asked here before. I have size C breasts - good enough when standing upright, but when I lay down they go flat...too flat for my liking. I wish they defied gravity haha! So my question is, do ...
A. 25 September 2010: All real boobs will! Also when you bend over they should go all "funny" shaped. Only fake ones will retain their shape when put in weird positions. They should also jiggle and wobble. I have a C cup that flattens out pretty significantly too when I ... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 25 September 2010: "In the US, the whopping 85% reduction in rape in the last 25 years tracks almost exactly with a corresponding increase in availability of porn"
I've seen the study you're referring to and it has some flaws. First off, the significant reduction in r... (read in full...)
Men: why are you quiet during sex?
Q. To the men only: Why is it that some of you hold back from moaning or making noises during sex? Are you focusing too hard on your performance? ...
A. 24 September 2010: You can always ask him to be a little more vocal. If you just tell him how hot it is for you, I'm sure he'd be happy to oblige.... (read in full...)
I think I'm losing my sex drive!
Q. well, im 16 and i haven't had a girlfriend, i have kissed and snogged girls but never been in a relationship but the big question is that I feel i'm losing my sex drive. I never want to masturbate and porn doesn't stimulate me at all any more, i'm ...
A. 23 September 2010: It's probably nothing. If you still feel like that in 6 months, then go see a doctor. Also don't masturbate if you aren't horny, and you should see a return in actually feeling horny. Also, a lot of people just lose interest in porn after using it ... (read in full...)
I am not sure whether or not my girlfriend and I actually broke up or on a break?
Q. I am not sure whether or not my girlfriend and I actually broke up or on a break? Both terms have been used and we talked for two weeks straight and things seemed to be getting better (she said so) and she wanted to see me last weekend. She wanted ...
A. 23 September 2010: I think you're perfectly within your right to try to find out what's happening. Unless she specifically asked for a break, I'd assume there's just something wrong, and you are within your rights to find out what that is. You do need to be willing to ... (read in full...)
Three years and no proposal!
Q. I've been with the same guy for 3 years now. We have a daughter together and all of our friends say they are jealous of our relationship because we never fight. We know everything about eachother. The only thing I dont have is an engagment ring or a ...
A. 23 September 2010: You're still very young, he might just not want to yet. Have you talked to him about it at all? Personally I think marriage is a HUGE decision and that if people can't even talk about it with each other, they're probably not ready to get married. ... (read in full...)
I am not sure whether or not my girlfriend and I actually broke up or on a break?
Q. I am not sure whether or not my girlfriend and I actually broke up or on a break? Both terms have been used and we talked for two weeks straight and things seemed to be getting better (she said so) and she wanted to see me last weekend. She wanted ...
A. 23 September 2010: I think you're perfectly within your right to try to find out what's happening. Unless she specifically asked for a break, I'd assume there's just something wrong, and you are within your rights to find out what that is. You do need to be willing to ... (read in full...)
First True Love Never Lasts. Prove me wrong
Q. Alrighhhtty, We'll cut to the chase. The love between my ex and I is well..confusing.So I'm asking for help, any advice, thoughts and suggestions. Help me out here! Get this, I went to middle school with my ex, totally didn't know each other t...
A. 23 September 2010: Unfortunately most first loves don't last. There's no way for us to say whether you should or shouldn't stay together, but it doesn't sound like he can anymore. There might be some kind of incompatibility, he might feel like he needs to explore a ... (read in full...)
Why is he complaining when we have sex almost every day?
Q. Dear Cupid, Why does my fiancee constantly complain about our sex life when we have sex just about every day? At worst, four times a week. He constantly complains about not getting enough sexual attention. It is getting REAL annoying and I'm ...
A. 23 September 2010: He sounds like he's extremely insecure in the relationship, probably just insecure in general as a person. Have you tried talking to him about it? You don't exist to reassure him that you're not going to dump him, and it's not your job to raise his ... (read in full...)
Men: why are you quiet during sex?
Q. To the men only: Why is it that some of you hold back from moaning or making noises during sex? Are you focusing too hard on your performance? ...
A. 23 September 2010: A lot of people just prefer to be quiet and "in the zone" during sex. Doesn't mean anything about how much they're enjoying it or whatever. Some guys are quiet too because they're focusing on counting something, or whatever technique, so they can ... (read in full...)
Men with low sex drive..do you think about sex less often?
Q. To men with low sex drive: do you think about sex less than usual? do you masterbate to keep from having sex with your partner because you are not in the mood?...
A. 23 September 2010: "do you masterbate to keep from having sex with your partner because you are not in the mood?"
This is not a sex drive issue, if this is what your question is about. If you had such a low sex drive that you'd go out of your way to avoid having sex ... (read in full...)
Men: Is sex a chore and not enjoyable?
Q. Do you men that focus only on performance during sex take sex as being a chore instead of enjoyment?...
A. 23 September 2010: I'd assume it means they're just really into impressing the girl/really like making sure their partner is satisfied.... (read in full...)
Am I the only one who hates the smell and taste or sperm?
Q. This may be strange or maybe this is common...You tell me. I can not stand the smell or taste of sperm! I freely give my husband (of 25 yrs) BJ when he wants, let him cum on my chest and he has even rubbed it on my face BUT it makes me gag! ...
A. 23 September 2010: I've barely encountered any women who don't mind/will do it and I've only heard from one who "kinda likes it, I guess." Obviously a lot of women will do it, but many MANY won't. You are not abnormal and it's extremely insensitive of your husband to ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble letting myself go and letting him have control!
Q. I've been going out with my boyfriend for over a year now. He knew I was a virgin so we took things slowly. We didn'thave sex until the 6 month. Recently, he's expressed his wanting to perform oral on me. But I just can't imagine or let anyone kiss ...
A. 22 September 2010: It is normal to feel this way, but you should definitely give it a try. Oral sex is one of the best ways to reach orgasm. Most women feel self-conscious down there, so try taking a nice long bath or shower so you don't have to worry about it (even ... (read in full...)
I'm having trouble with my orgasms! help!
Q. Ok, I'm an 18 year old male, I starting masturbating when I was around 9 or 10, for a few years my orgasm stayed pretty much the same, but in the lsat few years my orgasm has been diminishing and getting worse and a couple of months ago it got to ...
A. 22 September 2010: I've heard of this happening when you orgasm so much that you're just kind of not horny anymore, so try cutting back to make sure lack of desire isn't to blame.
If the problem persists though, you should definitely go to a sex therapist.... (read in full...)
Does it matter what girls look like when sucking?
Q. Question for guys (though ladies can offer their answers too!) I desperately want to give the guy I'm seeing really great head. But I'm incredibly insecure at times - not just as most girls are, it's a little deeper than that apparently- and ...
A. 22 September 2010: Everyone looks a little silly when they're giving a blowjob. I'm sure it looks hot as hell no matter what it is you're doing.... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 22 September 2010: "most men don't want to understand because then we wouldn't be able to justify ourselves being able to watch it,"
Right on the money. Because you can't justify a need for porn beyond a need to get off to other women. There is no other way to just... (read in full...)
Why is LYING about porn and HIDING it even worse than the porn itself?
Q. So from all the porn questions and answers on here, it seems many women think a guy's lying about his porn use and hiding it are actually WORSE than the porn itself. They cannot understand why anyone would lie about something like that and go behind ...
A. 21 September 2010: Because it's lying and hiding. Why is it so difficult to understand why lying and hiding something that hurts her, is hurtful? You say it's to spare her feelings. Yes, I get that, we all get that. But it's exactly the same reason people lie about ... (read in full...)
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