A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm 19 and a bit confused.I have been with my boyfriend now for quite a while.I recently stayed at his house for the first time over a few days and we felt ready to take things a bit further then before.It was actually very sweet we were mucking around dancing and being silly and sort of fell into it.The next morning when the euphoria had worn of I started feeling really just..nervous,unsure.I know this is normal I mean I'm a virgin,the few awkward experiences I've had in the past were humiliating.We were lying awake together and things led on and my hand kind of ended up in an obvious place and I pretty much froze,had absolutely no idea what to do.I asked him to show me but he wasnt convinced I wanted to and that I should'nt do things just because I thought he wanted it.But I tried and he seemed to enjoy it at first but I lost confidence and was all upset.It's funny because when he is touching me he knows he might not be doing things right so he asks me,but he's not humiliated by it.I feel as though it's unfair..like he gets nothing out of it..or I'm inadequate.I just sort of freeze up when things go further.I'm not afraid of actually having sex I can't wait for us to finally reach that point.It's just other things.I'm not the shy one in the relationship either,I'm ordinarily very open and confident.Were going away this weekend and I just wish I had more confidence.I mean I know things will improve with time and practice,there are things that were'nt great at all at first but we sort of figured it out.I just can't get past this,it makes me sort of put off from sex at all.Like I don't really feel up to it,I get all sort of numb and shutt off.My boyfreind thinks its him and it's really not he's amazing and It feels great with him but he's always ready to go and its a little bit exhausting.I don't have as much energy as him,I'm a little bit frail and he's very fit.And then when I am in the mood I freeze up when it comes to touching him there.At first I like it,like it's really exciting but I can't do anything but hold him without panicking.This is so stupid and embarrasing,I know we will work it out but has anyone else had a problem like this?
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confidence, in the mood, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 I'm not 100% what part you're lacking confidence in, but you've got to relax! You've never had sex before, so of course you don't know what to do. If you'd never knit before, do you think someone would hand you needles and yarn and expect a perfect sweater? Of course not! For sex even if you lie completely still and let him do everything the first few times, it will still feel good for him. There's that famous quote, sex is like pizza. When it's good it's great, when it's not good, it's still pretty great.
Also what makes a woman great in bed is generally that she's not being self-conscious, she's much more concerned with having fun than with whether her stomach looks weird or that her hair is OK. It's less about knowing how to move your hips and such and more about your attitude.
As for touching him, the same sweater analogy applies. Just ask him to put his hand over yours and show you what to do.
You're setting your standards for yourself WAY too high. You have to be able to accept that nothing is ever perfect, especially not sex, and not to sound too cheesy, but that's what makes it special. You know that it's human.
A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Haha, its all good... You need to relax and understand that it is a gradual process, and that all you have to do is educate yourselves! I remember some pretty hilariously pathetic sexual escapades I had in college, and then I read up on the female anatomy, what I need to stimulate, and began communicating with my potential partners with what they may like. I now am MUCH better in bed than I was 4-6 years ago. Why? Because I put forth the effort, understand my partners, talk to them about what matters in the bedroom, and I just do it. Don't freeze up, learn your body and tell him what to do if he doesn't know very well either. A few tips. 1. Clitoral stimulation- If you have ever masturbated, that is how he should do it. Bottom side of the clit, stimulate it, have him stimulate it. Tell him to keep on going, etc. if you like it. Encourage him. It really works. 2. Vaginal stimulation- There are plenty of spots that you can go with, but the one that works best and is most easily accessible, is the G-spot. Anatomically speaking, it can be found pretty much anywhere within a certain range, but usually is 1.5 to 2 inches in between 11 and 1 o' clock when you are lying on your back. However, since you are a virgin, I would put a heavy focus on oral and clitoral stimulation in general. I understand being shy as well. I had a big problem with that at first, and you grow out of it. Once you make the effort, you will be glad you did :) Take it the act of sex down it's natural course. Do what you want to do, vs what you will let yourself do. People always say it is about the right time and the right moment etc. etc. The right time and the right moment is when you feel the passion etc. Take charge and tell him what you want, he will do it. Thankfully I had that in my partner when I lost my virginity. Given she was a sorority girl that was a virgin slayer, but she was the best partner I could have asked for. She was encouraging, responsive, adventurous, and not shy to ask for what she wants! Ultimately all a man really wants is a woman that will communicate her wants and needs, and a chance to satisfy them. I hope this helps :)If you have any questions, INBOX ME! I won't bite... hard ;)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): This may seem simplistic and a quick fix but have you tried getting a bit drunk? It's good for relaxing and aiding confidence :) Good Luck!
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