A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I went on a vacation with my boyfriend to an all inclusive resort he brought a video camera and I noticed he videotaped other girls at the beach... He was panning in on their breasts and butts and just videotaping girls. There were other videotapes of our vacation but but I found about 5 different videos of girls in their bikinis and I found it kind of weird and it made me feel insecure... Am I supposed to ignore this and not bring it up (kind of like porn) or am I supposed to say something what do you guys think how should I handle it? What would you guys do and why do you think he's doing this? Thanks for your help!!
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female
reader, rachxo  +, writes (1 January 2013):
hey, I have read your posts about this and peoples comments.. Just want to share what I have dealt with and a little advice as my bf has a 'upskirt fetish'....and he actually filmed up someones skirt in August and emailed it to himself so he could watch it. It made me very insecure, hurt and i've lost all my confidence.. I dont like the porn thing either and don't know how to deal with it all..it's not something your just gonna get over if he is filming other girls...makes you question alot..makes me sick to be honest.. it's also illegal what my bf did as it's without the girls permission. Although I love my bf..I don't want to leave him at all..but I feel I have to..what happens when your boyfriend does worse? If he can do that what else is he capable of? Its not fair on you..yes men will look, most watch porn etc. but there's a line that shouldnt be crossed.. I don't know how you have dealt with it and if you still with your boyfriend and it isn't a problem anymore then I am happy for you.. please let me know :_
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Oh and another thing it wouldn't really bother me if some guy was videotaping me at the beach or staring at me I mean yes it would make me uncomfortable but I think it would be pretty naïve of me to not think guys were looking at my breasts or butt if I'm walking around in skimpy clothing or if its out there... Actually iits to be expected if you're a young attractive female guys are going to look at you and stare.. Especially if its all out there... If it wasn't somewhere where. I wasn't putting myself on display ie at my home in the bathroom then yes it would bother me.. This is from the girl that asked the original question
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2012): Ok so I asked this question and no I don't really like that my boyfriend watches porn but it seems like every guy out there does so it just seems like something I have to deal with. I don't like it but there's nothing I can do about it I'm sure over 90 percent of men watch it so I don't think it would be realistic to start up a big fight and nag him all the time for porn... I prob made this sound worse than it is Ok so second issue someone asked if he left the tapes out for me to see lol no he didn't I snooped through his video cam to see what was on there there were prob like 50 plus videos so a small minority were pans to the hot girls on the beach... And yes he did have videos of me on the beach too... I'm not too concerned about the privacy thing for women... That doesn't really bother me that much... If you're wearing that outfit out in a very public place obviously people are going to look at you so the privacy thing of other women doesn't bug me... If it was somewhere private then yes it would bother me... The question I'm wondering about most though is this something to start up a fight with my boyfriend if the privacy thing doesn't bother me? Like I fight with him about porn and I kind of let it go.. Maybe it would be better to have a guys opinion... ? Or maybe a girls opinion if you can take the whole privacy thing out of context cause that part doesn't bug me thanks for your help I've liked the answers so far.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (29 March 2012):
No you should not ignore it! In porn (well, the legal stuff anyway) the people in it know what's happening and have agreed to do it. Here he's filming people without their permission and even knowledge.
To give you some perspective: even in movies, where tons of people get filmed, everyone has to sign a "quit claim" that states they agree to it and that they will not take legal action. I was with a crew filming a commercial for a new clothing store and we literally had to get everyone (even those that weren't hired as extra's) to sign that piece of paper. If people don't agree with it, the segment they're in needs to be cut. If not the commercial can't air. These and other measures are there to protect people's privacy.
Now, since he creates this vids for personal viewing only I doubt it would come to a claim, but it's perverted and disgusting behavior to say the least. If I were in your shoes I'd be ashamed to be his girlfriend. It is not acceptable. It would honestly be a deal breaker for me. This is not some innocent thing.
How would you feel if you knew some guy had been videotaping your boobs and butt while you were strolling on the beach with your friends? I doubt you'd like the prospect of someone jerking off to that and maybe even posting it on the internet. I would feel violated.
Also, this may point to other things as well. If he has such little regard for other people's privacy, what more is he capable of? Food for thought..
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (29 March 2012):
Hmm, not many male comments here, I wonder why. I must admit to casually panning across a nice beach with my video camera. And modern mobile phones make videoing anything pretty easy. If you were there and didn't notice the filming then at least he was using some discretion. Either way he go found out and should be at least embarressed if not ashamed of his action. Did he take your picture? You would have more concerns if he had only videoed other men!
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Firstly, I have to say that I would never do anything like that, and I am a photographer - certainly not without permission. I take stills, not video clips anyway.But in the UK, there are NO privacy laws of any sort in the public domain - unless you are the government, or very rich with a judge in your pocket.Women knopw men look, and dress accordingly, on the beach and elsewhere, and the only privacy breach if you are snapping or videoing is if the lady is not in the public domain, i.e. sneaked pictures at home or those disgusting "upskirt"! pictures that perverted types take. THAT is voyeurism, and we certainly have a law to protect against that.I'm not quite sure what I'm saying here; no law has been broken except that of common decency, but does it really deserve the label of perverted activity or is this an over-reaction?
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Congrats, you're dating an actual pervert. Only a small minority of men will actually tape random women in public. Those men are commonly known as creeps and pervs. If you want to date one, then continue being with this cretin.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): That is disgusting behaviour, how would you feel if some stranger had filmed you and had you on video in their home to look at whenever they wanted- and you dont even know the guy.
Does he think women are objects just for his enjoyment? Ordinary people wouldn't do this, do not ignore it tell him straight his disrespectful and weird it is.
Take care, x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): What your boyfriend did is completely unacceptable on so many levels!
ONE: Bad enough he so openly gapes and leers at women, but he did not ask permission to film these women, so his behaviour is that of a peeping tom, a creep. He invaded their privacy with every shot.
TWO: He has dis-respected you.
Also, I have to ask you, who wrote the rule that women are not supposed to object to their boyfriends/husbands/partners viewing porn? Has the debasement and abuse of human-beings for profit by others suddenly become socially acceptable?! Porn is not a victimless crime - physically and/or emotionally someone always suffers.
You know what he did was wrong. So, what else does this guy do that you don't know about? Don't waste any time or effort trying to answer that question just get him out of your life.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Is this question for real? Your boyfriend is videotaping girls at the beach and you're asking us if you're supposed to ignore this?! And what, you just found his tapes lying around for you to see?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 March 2012):
 That's unbelievably creepy! It's not even so much that it's like porn, it's that he thinks it's acceptable to film women in public without their knowledge. I mean seriously, he has to have some screws loose to think that's even remotely OK. It's bad enough if a guy leers at a woman, but videotaping? That is a serious invasion of privacy and totally unacceptable. Totally repulsive. Do you want to be with a guy who views women as scenery and invades their privacy like that?
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