A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi! My husband and I have been married for 22 years and have a great sex life. Lately, he has been wanting to be in the same room as or have the possibility of having sex with another couple. He has been online searching and chatting with other couples. I could tell the idea excites him but I on the otherhand feel a little grossed out by it esp. if the other couple he is chatting with is not in shape or basically unattractive. Or who knows, they may have some disease or something. Has anyone else out there experienced this? Am I being such a prude? I feel like I am just pretending at this point.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Thanks agony aunts and uncles. I am the OP. I guess males are different than females in that can separate sex and emotions. I don't think I could do that. It's not just an act for me but I call me old fashioned but I like the romance of it. I just want more romance in our lives.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Personally, I think it's wrong for so many reason but apparently people can do this and be happy. I don't believe for one second though that both partners can always be 100% free of jealousy or doubts that their partner might find the new sexual partner better/more interesting etc...
Not to mention STI's or HIV. If these people are wiling to come to your house without the need of meeting you previously, then where else have they been?! If even 0.5% of you is doubting this, then do not do it as it could bring in so much strain to your relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): If you are not truly into this then you shouldn't be pretending to go along with it. It seems obvious you feel pressured (however subtle that may be) into agreeing - why is that? Do you think you may lose your husband if you don't agree?If you are not happy at the thought of doing this tell your husband NOW!If he is not happy to continue in a monogamous relationship (after all, he did take the same vows you did), then perhaps you two need to think about counselling or separating.You have some serious decisions to make, but you must be honest with yourself. How would you feel seeing your husband have sex with another woman - does the idea tear at your guts or excite you? Don't delude yourself that the disease-free/good-looking status of the other couple will matter ... it's as simple as can you bear the thought of him being touched by someone else?
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Well, you mention that the problem would mainly be the fact that he is talking to potentially dirty people, or people that are unattractive.
Say you liked Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt A LOT.
Say they were the ones that he got in contact with.
If they were disease free and you guys got along with them, would you be interested?
Basically, in the best possible situation where the couple were very attractive, disease free, and completely your type of people, could you see yourself doing it? Maybe?
If the answer is yes, then you should both do it and you should both be making the decisions together, instead of just him.
If the answer is maybe, then you should still both look at the options. Since he is the one that is already on board, perhaps you should be the one to make the decision on who you guys see.
If no, then I suggest you think of the reasons why, and if they are simply, "I don't want to", then don't do it!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): No you arent being a prude. Most marriage vows speak of forsaking all others. And there is a good reason for that! It isnt just disease you need to concern yourself with. It can irrevocably alter the dynamics of a marriage and usually not for the best. If you are happilly married and you are not really interested in sharing your man, tell him so. Dont feel `guilt tripped` into doing something you may regret.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (27 March 2012):
 "I feel like I am just pretending at this point."
The better question is: WHY are you pretending to be OK with your husband wanting add more people to your sex life when you're clearly not interested? Do you want to pacify your husband's fantasies and take a big steamy dump on your own self? Do you want to see this marriage ending? Because that is exactly what will happen. You can't sustain a swinger lifestyle if one partner is "grossed out" by the prospect of having sex outside of marriage.
Open your mouth. Tell him that you're not going to accept this lifestyle and that you can't do it. If he doesn't care about your preferences and tries to pressure you into sexing strangers, then you'll have a difficult decision to make.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 No you're not a prude. Have you tried talking to your husband about your concerns? Does the idea excite YOU? There are some things that are OK to do even if they don't turn you on, but there are other things that can really drive a wedge between you as a couple if you do it when you don't fully want to. Pretty much anything that involves inviting other people into your bedroom falls into the latter category.
In your question I can tell your husband is really into it, but are you?
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