A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex (not g-spot orgasms), can you please tell me whether there is anything at all about a man that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis during penetrative sex? E.g. for an average woman,Something less than 7.5" to 8" in length, like 5" to 5.5"Something less than 5.75" to 6" in girth, like 4.5" to 4.75"I am not asking about love, just sexual pleasure.I've read of one guy who has said the women he is with often have orgasms within the first few seconds without him even putting the whole length in... Is it plausible it's some kind of intangible factor, like confidence, that is the ultimate 'tool'?Thanks for any help
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confidence, g-spot, orgasm, vagina Reply to this Question
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 It doesn't have many nerve endings because it's for birthing babies, not pleasure. Luckily women have a separate organ entirely for pleasure, called a clitoris.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I just got this email from this woman who can vaginal orgasms. This is what she said (not word for word).
A woman who can have vaginal orgasms is likely to think bigger is better (up to a point), until she comes across a man who is 'dominant' and uses dirty talk during sex. Then she'll know that her ability to orgasm is entirely psychological.
I guess this can help explain why the vagina has few nerve endings, yet various stimulation causes different reactions.
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A
male
reader, JustHelpinAgain  +, writes (27 March 2012):
Oh good grief, I think most women join my wife in not giving a flying hoot where her orgasm comes from as long as it arrives before she is completely exhausted. And as for your sub-optimal penis OP, well join the club and most men are in it. The important thing is that the womans orgasm has far more to do with the tender carressing and licking than any size penis just being thrust in her,the latter is important but just for the grand finale!
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Some are bigger than others EWO!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Oh this is just great you guys, now we are going to be gettin sub-optimal clitoris questions...
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 March 2012):
http://www.blogher.com/do-vaginal-orgasms-really-exist
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 "she teaches women how to develop the ability" Um. Not to be a downer on the whole 'vaginal' orgasm thing, but um, if you have to go to special classes to be taught, and there are like um, two teachers out there, um, I think that perhaps that's a whole lot of effort for the female for something that can happen really easily without a whole lot of 'training' if you utilize this amazing anatomical thing called....
the clitoris.
It's kinda like your penis, only a lot smaller. And it's not just a little bump on the outside, it has a whole lotta stuff going on on the inside. Check it out. It's pretty awesome for the woman if utilized correctly.
I don't disbelieve that women can't have what feels like a vaginal orgasm. I just think that men spend a lot of time trying to distinguish between a 'vaginal' and a 'clitoral' one because they believe their penises should be all the woman needs, and because they simply don't want to think that a woman's sexual response depends on what is essentially the same type of tissue as a penis: the *drumroll please* clitoris!
May I ask if anyone has taught you to have a scrotal orgasm yet? I've heard they are stunning.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Thanks all for your insights :)
For those who don't believe in vaginal orgasms, there's an author who has them frequently and she teaches women how to develop the ability. She's been on the Dr. Oz show, Rachel Ray, and probably a bunch of others. Marrena Lindberg. Her book is called the Orgasmic Diet.
There is another author who has them as well. I can't remember her name right now, but she used to be a sexual surrogate, and now she's a doctor of some kind.
Even if a woman can have these orgasms, I still don't know what the pleasure difference would be between a 5" and a 7" penis. Oh well...
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 March 2012):
@ Tisha: YES
"Without a doubt, some women have vaginal orgasms"
As a woman and as a woman who can have orgasms from penetration, I'm telling you, they don't. 25% of women can orgasm from penetration, but it's not because their vagina gave them the orgasm in almost all cases. The vast majority of women who have "vaginal" orgasms are still having clitoral orgasms. Maybe it's from stimulating the clitoris through the vaginal wall, or more likely from indirect friction and rubbing, but the vast majority of "vaginal" orgasms are from the clitoris. Some women seem able to have G-spot orgasms, but I've rarely heard of them happening without some clitoral stimulation too.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 @ Eyeswideopen : Yes, and you see what happens when you are not around ? We get sub-optimal penises.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2012):
Does this count as my daily penis size question? I wasn't on DC yesterday.....
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 "I am not asking about love, just sexual pleasure."
Well, women are NOT men. We care about LOVE, and sexual pleasure comes from ... you guessed it: love.
Want to be good in bed and make up for a sub-optimal size? Then realize that women get off on love and feelings, consideration and affection.
To be VERY honest with you, there isn't much a man can do if there isn't love to satisfy me in bed. A man I have feelings for, and who has feelings for me, will ALWAYS be better in bed than someone I don't care about. I've had random sex when I was horny enough, but regardless of" penis-optimalisation", none of it was any good....!
Can you wrap your mind around that? A man with an amazing penis is nothing at all compared to man I actually give a hoot about. A penis is just a penis, if it was all about the penis then I'd not need a man, I'd be satisfied with my perfectly sized vibrator.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (26 March 2012):
I have to admit to feeling a bit sorry for the woman whose lover has decided she is having the wrong type of orgasm. "No, darling, that's not the type of orgasm you're supposed to have, I want you to have a VAGINAL orgasm! I'm going to do this until you do it right." Then the image of that poor woman, eyes rolling in boredom, while her lover pounds fruitlessly away in strict vaginal intercourse, nothing near that clitoris that knows precisely what she wants.
This could be one of the many reasons women feel the need to 'fake it.' "Let's just get this over with so I can get to sleep and then later, after he leaves, give myself the orgasm that he so clearly doesn't want me to have. Why are men so CLUELESS? Sigh. He's a good guy, though, and is trying so hard. Maybe if I give him the satisfaction of thinking I came, he'll be satisfied and then my poor vagina won't be so sore tomorrow."
Obviously, that's a worst case scenario, but I imagine this happens more than women would like to admit or than men would like to know.
I guess my point is to ask, WHY do you want her to experience a vaginal orgasm specifically? Is it because you want to please her or is it because you want to feel better about that penis of yours? Is this a selfless quest or one that is ego-driven?
I'll tell you right here and now that the worst lovers are the ones who put their fingers in their ears and say "neneneneneneneh I don't want to hear how you want to do this I want to do this the way I want to and I want you to LIKE it." Metaphorically speaking, of course.
If you are the guy who is worried about his penis size and how that magic wand will ever be enough to fulfill a woman, my guess is that you spend a great deal of time thinking about your penis and what your penis should look like and how big it should be and imagine all kinds of electrical sparks should by flying from it as it is engaged in that penis in vagina intercourse thing. Meanwhile, you are missing the forest for the penis tree. The best lovers are the ones who figure out, through asking and observation and experimentation and sheer osmosis and empathy, what it is that at that moment, will drive their lover wild. And at different times, that is different things for the same woman.
Would you be happy if your lover decided that you should be able to reach orgasm through scrotum-only stimulation? Nothing touches, caresses, stimulates the penis, only that skin covering the testes is allowed to be touched. And then you are watched, very closely, to ensure that you are trying to reach that magical mystical orgasm of the scrotum-only climax that surely must exist in every man! I wonder how long before the poor guy would crumple from the pressure?
Your penis is fine. It's what you think you have to do with it that is sub-optimal.
Here's what I've said previously on this topic: Ah, the infamous vaginal vs. clitoral orgasm debate. OP, here's what I think.
The orgasm police who insist that a woman's orgasm must occur from penile penetration only tend to be.... male. A "clitoral" one is considered inferior somehow. I blame Freud.
Look, men have penises and they are lovely and can be fantastic feeling, but they are not the be-all and end-all of a woman's sexual experience. Sorry, guys. We have our own body parts and our own sensations and I think the best lovers are the ones who recognize that. The best lovers are the ones who try to figure out what works for the person they are with. For some, it may be only sexual intercourse; for others, well, there are so many ways to stimulate and please. Why get stuck in a rut?
The vagina is a not an inside-out penis. I’ll say that again. The vagina is not an inside-out penis. Once you grasp that she has an organ similar to your penis, called a clitoris, you will have made a spectacular leap in the direction of understanding how her sexual response occurs.
If she cannot orgasm during intercourse, she is not broken. There is nothing wrong with her. She is not at fault, you are not at fault, your penis is not at fault. I’ll post some links here to give you some scientific background to understand this from a physiological standpoint:
http://www.malehealth.co.uk/node/18960 (I love this quotation from this article: "Just plugging your penis into a woman's vagina and wiggling it around may be enough to make some women orgasm but many will probably just lie there thinking about what they'd rather be watching on television. Even though most men have probably heard that women require clitoral stimulation in order to achieve an orgasm, they sometimes act as if they don't really believe it.")
http://men.webmd.com/guide/sex-fact-fiction Best quote from this article: 'In the end, whether this debated locus of pleasure is fact or fiction may not matter that much. O'Connell, who is also co-author of a 2005 Journal of Urology study on the anatomy of the clitoris, says that focusing on the G-spot to the exclusion of the rest of a woman's body is "a bit like stimulating a guy's testicles without touching the penis and expecting an orgasm to occur just because love is present." She says focusing on the inside of the vagina to the exclusion of the clitoris is "unlikely to bring about orgasm. It is best to think of the clitoris, urethra, and vagina as one unit because they are intimately related." '
Good luck with your studies. Just remember that her orgasm is about HER sexual pleasure, and whatever it takes to get there, honor that. Once you get that, really internalize that, you'll be a fabulous lover. Right now, though, I'm a bit worried for you that you think the 'main act' is penis in vagina intercourse, there's so much more to the show than that, especially for most women.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): I guess every woman has a different standard of optimal penis size. But since average is anywhere from 5" - 6" in length and about 4 1/4 - 4 3/4" in girth. You are totally average, not sub-optimal.Some woman might like a very large guy, but being too big can ruin it also.I'm bigger than average, 7" length, and 5 1/4" girth. I've never had any complaints. My wife and I have an extremely satisfying sex life. My wife dated one guy who was 'average' and she never liked sex with him. I think that also might be because he wasn't into foreplay and only lasted about 2 minutes. So if you're average (like about 80-90% of guys are), just pay more attention to your woman, like foreplay, good loving and make it romantic, not just slam/bam. My wife also dated a 'very large' guy (she calls me 'large'), but he was bigger than me. I would guess from her descriptions that he was about 8" length, and about 5 1/2 or 5 3/4" girth. She admits that she was very turned on by his body and loved seeing him naked and doing stuff, but they never really had sex. It was just painfull, so she'd never let him actually completely do it.She never had an orgasm with either of her 2 previous boyfriends. But with me, almost all the time. Many times several. I think it isn't just due to my penis size, but because we have a very loving relationship. Know each other very well, and spend the time in the bedroom to give each other pleasure. That is more important than penis size. And like I said before, you're not sub-optimal, you are average. Like MOST guys out there. As for the 5-10% of guys who are bigger than you, remember that there are also 5-10% of guys who are smaller than you. The rest are almost exactly the same size. Do your best with what you have. It will work if you are a loving/generous lover.I think you should realize average is good, so many men are average that most women would be happy with that. I think it's more what you do with it, and the details/romantics of the relationship with your partner that can make satisfying a woman GREAT. Good Luck.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (26 March 2012):
Dear Dear DEAR OP,
(pats the young padawan on his darling head)….
I am going to tell you that for me the optimum penis is attached to the man I love regardless of the size.
My first husband was too big (he was around 8 inches and thick) and my son is much like his father only larger and he had a very very hard time losing his virginity as most girls would NOT go near his member… it was too large and scary for them.
A smaller penis is much better… women are not caverns… the vagina is a muscle and it collapses on itself when it’s not aroused…. Yes a bit thicker is better but length.. no thank you… “hitting bottom” HURTS… imagine getting poked in the scrotum over and over… when you bottom out you hit the cervix which is attached to the uterus which moves internally and then it moves the fallopian tubes and ovaries.. IT HURTS when any man tries to pretend that porn thrusting is the way to go… it hits us and moves our insides around… and when a LARGER penis does it… it’s beyond hurt.. it’s a total SHOW stopper…
IN this case smaller is better… and if it’s too thick it’s not stimulating….
I had a hot lovemaking session last night with my partner… we were wild…. He drove me nuts… his penis never came near my vagina… he rocked my world…. I could easily love a man that was impotent as long as he has a brain, fingers and tongues are way more important for most honest women.
Of course, since most men are totally wrapped up and attached to their penis if we tell you this you don’t believe us no matter what.
I have had more partners than all the previous posters that have replied have had combined (not bragging just stating a fact as I was a swinger in a previous life)…. Trust me I enjoy intercourse but I do NOT have orgasms that rock my world from it… and if I never had it again I’d be FINE… just fine.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (26 March 2012):
OP, you have decided rather arbitrarily what is the optimal size for a penis, 7.5 to 8, so the rest is in your opinion, sub-optimal.
I think this idea comes from watching porn, because in real life , 5 to 6 , is absolutely , statistically average, plus it's also the most common range of length. 7.5 and over is the high end of the spectrum, there aren't that many around ( I think I read it's 15-20% of population or thereabout ) and ,surprise surprise, while some women undoubtely will favour quantity over quality, MORE women are not crazy about above average length because it may make intercourse uncomfortable and ,in some positions, downright painful. I don't know many women who enjoy feeling their cervix hammered -brrr !
( Some women do, of course. We are all different, sexually ).
As for that guy that can make ANY woman climax in seconds - yeah right. I've never known ANY woman that can climax in seconds , particularly by penetration only. It is true though that putting the whole length in it is technically not necessary, insofar the only tract of a vagina who is rich of nerve endings is the first third , the whole deep penetration thing is mostly a psychological thing, and also , when people are caught in the moment , and the more they get excited, it's really too difficult ( and pointless ) to hold back on speed, power and depth of thrusts .
This is just by looking at things from a technical angle, then of course there's all the mental, emotional, psichological , sensory components of sex, which make it so rebellious to rules and sizes.
Conclusion : 5.5 is not sub-optimal, don't watch so much porn, and -relax, sex is not mechanical engineering.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Sorry, I have never pulled out a ruler and measured the guy's penis I was with, but I'm pretty sure out of the 4 guys I have had sex with none were over 7 inches - Thank goodness! Three of the four, however, had major skills.
I think it (sexual pleasure) has a LOT less to do with the actual LENGHT/GIRTH of the penis then the willingness and ability to use what they have and know what the woman gets off on. SKILLS.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Ok, I'm the OP. Without a doubt, some women have vaginal orgasms, and those who don't, most still absolutely get a lot of enjoyment from penetration. It is like the main course :)
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 March 2012):
"If you are a woman who can have vaginal orgasms during penetrative sex"
You will never find such a woman. "Vaginal" orgasms are clitoral orgasms where the clitoris is indirectly stimulated. Maybe there are some women who can orgasm only vaginally as there are also women who can orgasm through nipple stimulation and just by thinking about it the right way, but the vast majority of "vaginal" orgasms are actually from the clitoris.
Women have very few nerve endings inside their vaginas. It's one of the least sensitive parts of our genitalia. There's a reason you read from a man that the woman was having orgasms and not from the woman he's with.
The best lovers are the men who realize most female pleasure comes from oral or digital stimulation, and that a man's penis does not play the pivotal role in female pleasure that many men seem to think it does. If you want to really knock a woman's socks off, get great at oral and better with your fingers.
P.S. Your size is pretty much exactly average (5-6" is average). Stop watching so much porn, 8" is WAY above average, like painfully so. Most women are only 6-7" long anyways.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): "Is there anything that can make up for a sub-optimal sized penis?"
Two things: optimal sized brain and optimal sized heart.
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