A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi guys and gals, I'd appreciate some help here.... There's this guy who's my college friend. He's gay and I think he's hot! Seriusly, im very attracted to him. Now recently i got a lil shock when i heard through the rumor mill that he was fooling around with chicks... So i thought, "What about me? Why can't we fool around?" It also hurts me that he hasn't told ME - his friend - that he's been doing this. A friend broke my heart by saying that maybe he doesn't see me that way :( But the thing is, this guy and i kinda do flirt, and he always says i've got such a gorgeous body etc etc etc. Recently he asked if i'd like to go to a concert and then sleep over at his house for the weekend. So i said yes. I decided not to speak to him about him being with other gals yet - i first wanted to get through this weekend and see if something mite happen with us. See, we've never really spent a night together beforeBut now here are my problems:1]I'm worried that nothing's gonna happen physically over that weekend. I don't know what to do - should i make a move or suggest a kiss in a casual, flirty way? I can't bear it if he doesnt make a single move on me!2]And, say i do make a move and he rejects me, how do i recover? I dunno how guys do this on dates when they have to make a first move 'cause it's blimming hard!;) 3] If he doesnt make a move and rejects me, i dunno how to be his friend knowing that he's with other girls but not me! Its just too hard and i don't know what to do...?! What do i do?It was easier when i reckoned I had no chance because i have lady parts. but now it's like if he doesnt make a move he's selectively choosing to be with other girls but not me! Pleeez can somebody offer me assistance?? thanx. x
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female
reader, person12345  +, writes (30 March 2012):
 "he's selectively choosing to be with other girls but not me!"
Not everyone is attracted to everyone. Just because he's bi doesn't mean he suddenly is attracted to absolutely everyone! He still has certain people he likes and certain people he only likes as friends. You should just tell him how you feel and see if something happens. Rejection isn't fun, but it's just a normal part of dating.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (30 March 2012):
 Someone in another part of the world, and a bit younger is having the same problem.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-thought-my-friend-was-gay-but-found.html
Here was the advice she got... and I don't think my advice to you would be much different! Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (30 March 2012):
 You're 30-35? Really? This sounds like someone who is much younger...
Ah well, I'll take a try at this one. You've heard he's bi, essentially, right? This means he is attracted to men and women. What this does not mean is that he is attracted to YOU. Just because he fools around with other women doesn't mean he wants to fool around with you. Perhaps he likes you as a friend and doesn't want you to think that something more could develop between you. Maybe he likes being single and being able to fool around with whomever he chooses, without winding up in a formal relationship that would mean the end of casual fooling around.
So yes, there's a possibility he's rejecting you because you are a friend, not because you have lady parts. This sounds a bit more like it's about your ego and your expectations from him. You want more. He's been keeping you at arm's length and hasn't shared with you the news that he likes to fool around with girls too.
So if you are 30-35, I would hope you had a bit more life experience in this by now and would know that you can't always get what you want. Life is filled with disappointments like this, when you learn you mean something different to someone than you hoped. You want sex/relationship perhaps, and he wants sex/no strings attached.
If this is bothering you so much, why not talk to him about how you'd hoped you two might hook up if he was bi? He's your friend, right? You can have a discussion, can't you? Maybe you are scared of having that talk because you already on some level know the answer.
I'd stop pushing on him and let him do what he wants with whomever he chooses and look to other men as a potential romantic or sexual partner. This one doesn't sound like a good bet for you.
Good luck this weekend!
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