A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Right so last week met this girl a stunner at a local pub. we got on right away and i started seeing her. everything was going just fine until we started off talking about careers and she revealed that her plan is to sleep her way into roles!I was taken aback because i never thought id be with someone who did this. when we spoke at length she laughed at me saying i awas naive, that everybody did this in the industry. 'How do ya think the stars got to where they got?' she said. 'erm talent and hard work?''Bollux. For sure theres talent and hard work, but thats not it.' she looked at me and then said (excuse the vulgarity) its like they say, its not who ya know, its who ya bl-w.'well knocked me right for a loop. she went on to say that any guy she dates would have to be ok with this. she liked me a lot, but it is what it is she said, and thats the way the world is.i havent spoken to her in a couple days now. still cant get my head around it. maybe i am naive. im not in the industry (im an administrator for a hospital) but maybe that is the way of the world. is is really a big deal to sleep your way to the top? Does a person really lose anything?And if she doesnt really love the bloke, is it something i can accept?Thank you for all your help. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (27 March 2012):
 I'm sure some women and men do have sex to get them selves noticed and make contacts. But no producer is gonna risk a million pound project on somebody who is known for the talent of her mouth. She's either right for the role or she is not, sex might give her a shot at an audition but that's about it.
She's the one who is silly and naive if she thinks show business is all about sex and talent isn't needed. That's how many girls who want to be famous end up doing porn instead.
Show business is like anything else.. it has men and women and sex if it's offered will allow you a shot. That's why Italy's president (ex) has a couple of sex workers in his government. But if they can't do the job, they can have sex with the whole world, it's not gonna save them for long...
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 "Sleeping one's way to the top" hasn't really worked since the fifties (and it's doubtful it really worked even then). Nice of her to be honest, but if that's not the sort of thing you can handle, you shouldn't go ahead with this.
...............................
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (26 March 2012):
 My mum works in the theatre, so I feel I have more of an inside view on this.
In some respects, there used to be a 'casting couch' culture. BUT this was in the minority and restricted to a handful of pervy directors, who used gullible young actresses, promised them the world and used them terribly. It has happened, but it is far from the norm. 99% of jobs are gained on acting talent and merit alone.
From what you have said, it does sound like she is reaching a certain age, and worried that her star is fading and she is not as 'famous' as she thinks she should be. She obviously knows she is a 'stunner'..... sadly, in acting, looks are not always enough. Talent and ability are also important. And... she may just not be good enough.
For every 1% of successful actresses, there are 99% who have failed. Acting is a cut-throat world. Not always fair, not always nice. Being in the right place at the right time, getting that big break, your face fitting.... all are as important as talent.
It does sound like she is bitter, and now thinks the only way she can make herself famous is to use her looks and try and con her way into the business. it wont work. They will use her, and she still wont get the job.
My advice... steer well clear! You can do much better!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): Maybe she is relying on the one thing she is good at (bj's) because she has no talent? I used to be in the biz, yes that kind of stuff happens specifically in Los Angeles, which is a very seedy place, (I don't know about UK). Some photographers and directors/producers take advantage of naive chicks who are willing to do anything to get a spread in a magazine or a small role in a film. But the truth is there are alot of predators out there (who lie about who they truly are and what they can do for you) combined with alot of naive women. And those who could do something for you (as well as those who can't) often take advantage of this huge pool of naive women who move out there willing to do ANYTHING for fame. The REALITY, however, is that the film industry is full of nepotism. Most people who "make it" are legacy's. There is actually very good reason for this. It is a cutthroat industry that unless you grew up in it, you may have a very hard time coping. The people she wants to be meeting are actually VERY snobby and very educated. While on a drunken whim someone "important" might take advantage of her, I guarantee you that is the extent of what it is.Most people I know in the biz are VERY talented and very intelligent. Have been to conservatory, ivy league, well-read (you have to read alot of plays and scripts), intelligent, precocious, alot of them are writing their own scripts as well as acting. And most of them are very accomplished from a very young age. Having lived in NYC, studied acting, and been exposed to the Los Angeles circuit as well as the NYC circuit, I guarantee you she will get alot farther if she was more discriminate and EDUCATED. These people are not dumb, and if she wants to act like bait, she's going to be steak. I hope I am wrong, maybe she knows exactly what she is doing and she is putting on a persona for the sake of like publicity, like Madonna or someone like that. Madonna knew EXACTLY what she was doing. If this girl doesn't, and if she really doesn't know the biz, she is going to burn. So just hope she knows what she is doing and what she is talking about, for her sake and the advancement of her career.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Well I, for one, think sleep is VERY important to any career. Being rested certainly can affect your job performance and...what?...Oh...nevermind
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): I would personally run away as far as I can get! Some men might actually accept being with such a woman, but I personally can't.
...............................
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Hahaha what the hell? If she doesn't have talent she wouldn't get cast anyways, what a moron.
As everyone else has said I can't imagine the likes of top actors and actresses earning their roles by sleeping around. Run, run as fast as you can from this one.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): I work in the film business and know many actors, actresses, and I would have say this girl you met is a bimbo. Yes looks do get you a part but if you don't have talent to match then your out of luck. Females having sex to gain success is a meme many do have associated with the entertainment industry unfortunately. From what ive seen many starting out in the business in there early 20's are successful is either because of previous links in the business such as close relatives or they have 100% Grade A talent. In my honest opinion I would stay far away from this girl because from what you describe her saying is just negativity and no one needs that piled on our already hectic lives.
...............................
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (26 March 2012):
Haha she's stupid if she thinks that'll work out. The next morning she'll be discarded as trash and any promises made to talk her into bed will be long forgotten. We all know how much value "I give you my word" has in Hollywood: nothing.
She may land some low key stuff that way, but nothing major. In the end you need acting chops and luck to succeed. And if she sleeps around a lot to get where she wants, she'll get a reputation and it won't help her to stardom. If she wants to get the most out of that she should seduce some high profile actor/musician/athlete and release a sex tape so she can go on and become the next Kim Kardashian. That's about it..
I highly doubt the likes of Charlize Theron, Natalie Portman, etc. slept their way up. Even a popcorn actress like Jessica Alba didn't give up her dignity to get roles.
Let go of this one. She's nothing but trouble. If she wants to prostitute herself, that's her choice, but don't let her drag you into that mess because you will get hurt. Plenty of stunners on the planet, man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2012): My friend and I used to tell men we were undercover police working the Bars and Clubs - to find which was watering down the booze, asked them to buy us drinks so we could test them............
I dont know if this is the same scenario or not but it sounds dodgy to me. I cant imagine anyone owning up to 'sleeping' their way to the top.
Anyway talent shines through the public are not stupid so if she decided this was her route she would soon end up used and discarded.Good looking girls are ten a penny in that world and 'Glamour Models' by the hundred - who would all like to be an actress no doubt.(or marry a footballer)
Its up to you what you decide but I cant imagine a rosy future with her - can you?
...............................
A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Wow... this girl is an idiot. I'm guessing she hasn't had any luck in the acting world so far and instead of taking it on the chin that maybe she isn't talented or needs acting lessons- she's rationalized that away and come up with this theory. It couldn't possibly be that she's a crap actor or not putting in the patience and hard work that it takes to get a break.
It'd be naive to think that there aren't a few actors/actresses that have done something like this... but I bet there's a whole lot more who have- only to get used and wind up empty handed.
One thing that top actors and actresses always tend to have...
class...
...of which this girl has none.
Just run... there's far too many red flags with this nutter.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (26 March 2012):
 This woman you met is the naive one. Sometimes for casting calls people will try to take advantage of the actress, claiming she needs to have sex to get the role, but in reality they usually have no intention of helping, they just want to get laid and know they can take advantage of the situation. If she plans to sleep her way to the top, she's in for a rude awakening. This is just like the agencies that con people out of their money by charging the talent for the agency services, when any agency that will actually help doesn't charge a dime until they get the actor a job.
You really think Meryl Streep slept her way into roles? If she wants to get anywhere, she needs acting talent/skill, not blow job talent. I'm sure it's happened before that someone has slept their way into roles, but I'm also sure that the vast majority of actresses who go in believing that's what it takes wind up taken advantage of and jobless. Far more common than sleeping their way to the top would be luck or a wealthy relative to get you an in.
It's up to you whether you want to date her. On one side, there's no chance she would develop feelings for the guys. On the other, she's probably going to quickly learn that most of these guys have no intention of helping and just want sex and like kc_100 said, you will have to be the shoulder to cry on.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (26 March 2012):
 Wow! You have to at least give her points for being honest! Apart from that, she's just a sad little person, who has the most wrong ideas and yet thinks she knows it all.
There's something called hard work, dedication, determination and sincerity. And talent, if you're in show biz. Of course if someone has none of it, then they think they can sleep their way to the top. If that were true, there would be no failed actresses, every aspiring wannabe would be making a movie with an A-list director.
...............................
A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (26 March 2012):
 so...I feel like this is assuming she actually achieves her goal of success. This isn't necessarily like.. a two year sleep around stint. could be 20! What happens if she's still unsuccessful? I just feel like this is a slippery slope, and I agree with people's ambivalence on here. If every female actresses only used their sex to get what they wanted, why are porn stars such bad actresses?
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (26 March 2012):
 I very much doubt that this is true. If that was the case, then how do male actors ever get anywhere in their careers? Is she saying all male actors are gay/bi-sexual and they have to do the same? I doubt it very much!
I'm sure there is an element of this, I know there is in some businesses so I bet the acting world isnt much different.
However if you are truly talented, get some good breaks and work hard then there is no need to basically become a prostitute to get where you want in your career. A lot of actresses start very young (i.e. teenagers), I'm sure she isnt implying that children are also blowing their way to the top!
If I'm brutally honest she just sounds bitter - I presume she is a similar age to you, therefore she is in her 20's, her career hasnt taken off and she is getting desperate. So she thinks that all actresses have to sleep their way to the top simply because she isnt sucessful yet, she is jealous of the other girls who have made it as an actress. When people get bitter and jealous they make up stories and scenarios in their head to make themselves feel better about their failure. And this sounds exactly like what this girl is doing.
So should you date her? Definitely not! It is a massive deal to become a prostitute (basically she is exchanging her body in return for cash i.e. her career), sleeping her way to the top would show that she has no class, no morals and no talent as an actress. The directors and producers would see right through her, take advantage of her body and not follow through on their promises. She is naieve and foolish for even thinking this will work.
You would basically have to put up with being cheated on frequently, having her come crying to you whenever her daft scheme backfires and feeling like you are second best to her career. You wont ever be able to accept this, it will constantly hurt you and this would never work.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (26 March 2012):
 I think it clearly shows not only her ambitions, and what she is willing to do to achieve her goals but also her lack of morals and empathy.
Sorry, I could never date/ be with someone who thinks like that.
I have to say I give her points for being so upfront about it, I just don't like the attitude.
I'm SURE there are actors/actresses who got roles because they had sex with directors, script writers, other actors, but I do think the ones that have the longest SUCESSFUL careers have something more important, acting talent.
It's ok if you aren't cool with it.
...............................
|
