A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My wife and I have this recurring fantasy of me watching her get picked up by a guy at a bar or club and hooking up with him while I watch from across the room. The fantasy always stops short of sex, and never involves them leaving the bar, except maybe the two of them doing stuff in the bathroom.This started as a steamy thing we sort of stumbled on as something to talk about while having sex. Her main reservation in doing this is (1) making sure she finds the guy attractive; and (2) worries about whether I might get really upset. I find the idea very arousing, for reasons I can't fathom. I think it would be fun to try. I don't think I would get upset, but you never know. My main concern is that it will sort of unlock a door in her, and change her monogamous view on life. In other words, perhaps she will like it so much she will have the urge to do it when I am not there? When she is out with her girlfriends?Also, the thought occurred to us both that if it does make me feel upset, would I then want to make sure I could even the scales and do it as well. She has no desire to see me doing this with another womanDo any of you have this fantasy? Have you acted on it? Was it fun, or do you deeply regret it?I think we are close to letting this happen. Idont think we would ever arrange it via interviewing people on the Internet or the like. But my wife gets enough attention that I don't think it would be too difficult for her to just let things happen. Should we?
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Here's the thing. You're fantasizing on this with the eyes of a man. It *will* unlock a door for sure. The real danger in this is precisely the same reason why women don't fare as well in a Friends with Benefits situation. Women all too often get emotionally attached to their FWB's to the point where the situation is no longer tenable for them.
So, before you really savor the thought of making fantasy into reality, would you want your wife falling in love with the guy who picks her up at a bar? Would you want her to develop feelings for him? Would you want her to think of him when she makes love to you?
Emotion is the door that can be unlocked. In a porn or simple fantasy situation, emotions don't play into it. However, this is a danger, and a grave one at that, when you start making fantasy a reality.
I'm not saying that this *will* happen, but there is a high risk that it will.
A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 March 2012):
 It's a very common fantasy. It is an almost unheard of reality. What I mean by that is that while many fantasize about their partner cheating on them (a voyeurism type thing), the vast majority who try to implement this fantasy in real life will ruin their relationship. In your fantasy you are still in control of the situation, you can change the scenario as you like and stop it at any time. In real life, your wife will simply be cheating on you with permission and you won't be able to ever change that it happened. I've never heard of a couple introducing another person into their sex life without it ending badly.
Since this is YOUR fantasy, there is no scale to even. She did not do anything to you, you were the one who asked her to do this, therefore for her to have to watch you make out with another women when she sounds like she'd sooner not take part in anything is just unnecessary cruelty.
Everything about this just sounds like a terrible idea. You are both having doubts, you're already planning ways to spite her out of jealousy for something that hasn't happened, she's not 100% in it, everything about this spells disaster. I can literally not think of a way this could end well. Just read back over your question, she hasn't even done it yet and you're already planning ways to get back at her for the jealousy! Just keep the fantasy in your head, don't ruin the fantasy.
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A
female
reader, supermum  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Have you ever heard the saying 'Be careful what you wish for, it my just come true'. This is one of those fantasies that you can share together without actually doing it. It may just be a breaking point in your relationship. You woule be forever coparing yourself to the guy you choose.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 it's a hot fantasy... best advice... leave it as a hot fantasy...
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