A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out something and I'm not sure if I should keep to myself.My wife is the youngest of 3 daughters. Her next oldest sister just filed for divorce and is already dating and sleeping with men even though her divorce isn't final. My wife and I were talking and I mentioned that I didn't approve of her behavior, why wasn't she more like my wife and the oldest sister who were both virgins when they met their husbands and have only been with them. This middle sister got married a few years after us, and I can name at least 6 or 7 guys she was with before she got married, now she's sleeping around again and isn't even divorced yet.My wife said 'why do you think 'aaa' - the oldest sister' was a virgin when she met 'bbb' - my brother in law. She was engaged before and has admitted to me that she used to have sex with her then fiancee. My brother-in-law TOTALLY thinks that 'aaa' the oldest sister was a virgin and has only been with him. They are both 8 and 10 years older than us (respecfully) and have been married I think 4 years longer than my wife and I. They were married when I started dating my wife. My wife and I have been married almost 15 years, so I'm thinking 'aaa' and 'bbb' have been married 19 years. I know that haven't had their 20th anniversery yet, but I think it's this year.Problem is, Do I tell 'bbb' anything? I think it's horrible that he believes a lie about his wife. The other part of me thinks that after 19 years of marriage who cares. Also, maybe he does know and just doesn't want anyone else to know, so he just says that.Do I just keep quiet? Or casually say something to him?
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both virgins, divorce, engaged, fiance Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2012): An I the only one who thinks the wife was very wrong and selfish to lie about this?
A
male
reader, Cole Turner  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Do NOT say a word, this is no-one's business but theirs. Nothing could be gained for anyone by letting this cat out of the bag.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 " I think it's horrible that he believes a lie about his wife."
Whatever he believes only he knows. Maybe he isn't interested in hearing that you and your wife are sitting and gossiping about his wife's sex life. If you want to be the messenger that gets shot for sticking his nose where it doesn't belong, then sure. Go play the moral guide that sets "right" from "wrong", as far as your own values go anyway.
But, if you think twice about this, then what's it got to do with you? Nada. This isn't your issue, it might not even be an issue for all you know. Maybe you are the only one who thought she was a virgin when she married her husband. I mean if it was such a big secret your wife wouldn't have told you, now would she? For all you know they're swingers in secret. I'm just saying... it's not your street to clean. Better to leave them be. My money is on the husband knowing already. It's sort of a thing you typically talk to your hubby about, isn't it?
Don't go there. Before you know it the sister in law will dig up dirt on you as payback and start gossiping about you. What a lovely family gathering you'll have in the future... No, respect their marriage and respect that whatever goes on between them is private and between them and NOT for you to stick your nose in and moralize about.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 NONE of your business... keep out of it.
besides for all you know he already knows and they just don't talk about it because it is NONE of anyone's business.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Only if you are a Taliban. Apparently, they have a " virginity police " who makes their own business to stick their nose into people's virginities , or lack thereof.
If you are a free citizen of a free country, your SIL's sexual conduct, before, during, and after her marriage, does not concern you in the least.
I suggest , ( respectfully, mind you, not sarcastically ) that you might take up a new hobby , or sport, etc. When people get so wrapped up into the private lives of their friends and relatives, very often it's because their own is not interesting enough.
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A
female
reader, Echo85  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 keep quiet. It's none of your business and you shouldn't interfere.
You will only do damage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): Yes, you should tell him. You know he's being deceived and it's your duty to let him know.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (27 March 2012):
 its none of your business. You tell him nothing unless you want to possibly ruin there relationship. You must learn a persons past means nothing, its who they are when they are with you that counts.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): What business is it of yours? Sounds to me like you spend way to much time thinking about your wife's sisters sex lives.... Stay out of it and get a life
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 Stay out of things that dont concern you. Its none of your business and you shouldn't interfere in other people's lives and relationships.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): There's a good possibility he knows and it's something they simply chose to keep private. Quite frankly, it's none of your business. And I think it's MORE unusual/concerning that you're so interested in your wife's sisters' sex lives than it is for an American woman married in the '90s to not wait until marriage to have sex.
She's not your wife, so mind your own business.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2012): I don't understand how is it possible to hide a fact that u aren t a virgin?
She is obviously a very good actress. I was so uncomfortable and in pain, hurting all the way through this process, and acted that way. Also blood..
What country are from? You seem to be VERY conservative about virginity issue. Who cares these days? People marry at such late age so no one stays virgins anymore.
Also you can judge your sister in law of course, it's your opinion about her promiscuity, but she was a single woman before she got married, and now even if she isn't officially divorced, she is single now, so she has the right to sleep with whoever she wants.
About u telling on your sister in law, sorry but it's just silly.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (27 March 2012):
 This is very much not your business. Nothing will be gained by your sticking your nose in, and quite a bit could be lost. Forget that you ever heard this information.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (27 March 2012):
 What does anyone have to gain from knowing that information? He probably already knows, but what good does telling him do if he doesn't?
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