A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HI so my problem orginally started out simple, my fiance of a handful of years didnt pay any attention to me, lacked any interest in me, didnt want to do anything with me and wanted to drink everyday he had off. I pretty much feel like it was my idea to get married- he says its not but after so long I strayed and found someone i think could potentially be my soulmate. I always knew this guy and we always clicked and we feel the same for each other- I go to break it off with my fiance and all of a sudden heres a big change, he does everything for me now, cooks, cleans, pays attention to me , says i love you, and wont leave me alone. I am so torn on what to do, i currently want to start a family and its time! but what do i do, i told the new bf this and he is ok with it- maybe not right away but he wants everything i do. What do i do....???
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female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 March 2012):
 Have you ever had an actual discussion with your fiance prior to your cheating? Have you ever told him what you that you felt neglected and what you need to see him improving in?
In either case, you have cheated on him. I don't care if you're a woman or a man, cheating is never OK. I don't think you truly love or respect this man, or else you wouldn't have started a relationship with this new boyfriend so quickly, nor would you feel he is your potential soul-mate. And on that note, if you think that this new man could be The One, why are you having doubts all of a sudden? How long have you been seeing this new man? Was it a short period of time and now some sense has finally settled in?
Frankly, I don't think you know what you want in a man. You know you want to be married and have kids, but you seem immature and confused as to what you really need in a partner. At this point, you're wasting your time and the time of these two men. You need to figure out what the hell you're doing wrong in your love life and what you want. Right now, you're emotionally and mentally all over the place. Spend some time by yourself and find some stability within yourself.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 He was not what you needed.... you should have left him then found a new partner.
Since you have cheated on him, he will never trust you... you will become a prisoner to his mistrust.
I think you need to let both of them go figure out what you want and need and then go for it. IF the second man still wants you after that and can trust you then perhaps later you two can work it out...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): The fact you cheated in the first place tells me pretty clearly that you don't love your fiance. Why would you hurt him in this way if you cared for him?
Be honest with yourself and with him and end the relationship.
A word of caution - don't go rushing in to the relationship with the guy you cheated with. After all, if he's happy to help you cheat on your fiance why wouldn't he be happy to cheat on you? Have some time on your own - MONTHS! That way you'll be in a stronger position to know what you really want.
Don't be in a rush to have children - you've got lots of time and don't be so selfish as to bring them into an unstable situation. They deserve a better start in life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): Could be he wants to get revenge because your a cheat. Btw its better to end a relationship if its not working.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): you still have plenty of time to get married and have kids, many of my friends had kids in their mid 30s. So don't feel like you have to choose someone now.the fiance's sudden drastic behavior change is suspicious. people dont' change so much overnight for real. Yes it's true that people can change for the better when they finally see how their old ways are costing them relationships. But true personality change takes time. sudden overnight complete 180 change is always suspicious as to how long it will last. therefore I say, don't make a final decision about the fiance yet, see if he will still stay this way a year from now, or longer. as for the new bf - let him go. It's not fair to him, you're stringing him along. Now that you've got your fiance where you want him you're obviously not broken off the engagement so you should let the new guy go so he can find someone for himself.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (28 March 2012):
 He probably could tell you were about to break up with him and wanted to turn things around. Since you've already cheated on him it's not really fair to him to stay anymore.
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