| A
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I just can't get over my girlfriends past. It's not that I have an issue with the fact she's had sexual partners before me, or even that she had great sex with them. It's the fact that those relationships were almost purely sexual, and the sex was pretty intense from the little she describes, the settings, the "toys" used, etc. We do a lot of that stuff too, but she sees me as the best LOVE she ever had, and perhaps not the best SEX. I've told her that I know I am the best lover she's ever had and she's convinced me of that. But when I ask her if I am the best fuck, she kinda skirts around it...saying it is not about the best fuck, it is about the sum of the parts, and I am teh best combination of everything. I guess part of the problem is I know she's been with more well-endowed men, more sexually adventurous men and more spontaneous sexual encounters than with me...and that kinda eats at me. We have a whole list of sexual exploits we want to try , and we've done many of them, but I feel like I'll never be the "wild ride" she's had with other guys. She is totally in love with me, and I am with her. We are planning on marriage, so I know she is into me totally. But it nags me...of course every guy wants to be "the best". It just sucks when you have pretty good evidence you are not the best sex your girl has had. But then, she insists I am the only guy to make her cum, the only guy to take her on trips, buy her gifts on Christmas and he birthday, etc.How do I convince myself it's OK to be with someone forever if I am pretty sure I'm not the best sex? I guess I kinda worry she will reminisce about it or long for her past.
View related questions:
christmas, her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Pyroshadow  +, writes (29 September 2010):
I dont normally post publicly much anymore but...."We do a lot of that stuff too, but she sees me as the best LOVE she ever had, and perhaps not the best SEX. I've told her that I know I am the best lover she's ever had and she's convinced me of that. But when I ask her if I am the best fuck, she kinda skirts around it"Come one at that point you are pretty much saying 'Am I the 'biggest' guy you slept with? Or her asking, "do I have the largest breast of any girl you been with?"I can understand your feelings I really can. But its taken a lot of me and still does but you have to remind yourself of all the great things you have. How much of a wonderful relationship you have.Is she the best sex you ever had? Do you even remember? If you can't you cant ask her to remember. Trust me, she doesnt. Women only remember the best loves not the best sex. My girlfriend and I have some of the same problems sometimes. I go crazy over her past and the things she done (she has your gf beat by a lot btw). And she doesnt remember much. Why? Well one she doesnt want to remember how much of a slut she was. And when you have true love its just so different. Trust me. If you want to talk more and want more details feel free to Message me.
A
male
reader, lionelhutz +, writes (25 September 2010):
You seem to place a high value on sex (as opposed to love). She said you're the best love she's had, but maybe not the best sex. Well, if she was looking for the best sex and only the best sex, she wouldn't be with you. Right? She wants to be with you. So stop dwelling on something from her past that you have no control over and enjoy what you have now.
...............................
A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Us women are different from men.
The fact that you love her, and she loves you, greatly outweighs the fact that she's had better sex with other men.
If this really worries you that much, you need to change your mindset from "I'm not the best she's had." to "I'm not the best she's had, YET."
You may not be the best fuck, So far. But you're the best man. Would you rather be on a vacation where the food was excellent, but everything else was mediocre or down right sucked? Or would you rather be on a vacation where everything was all around great?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): "The problem with the emotions, of course, is that we can't just wish them away, and that they are *totally valid*. Really, you're paying full price (marriage and commitment) to someone who gave it away for free when there was no past to cause these hangups - *and* she admits they were better in bed."
Bingo!
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Do you get enough sex? Is the sex satisfying to you? Do you have reason to believe this state of things will continue even after you marry her and have been together a few years? Do you believe she will cheat on you to get better sex?
Those four things are the practical concerns. Once those are out of the way, the rational issues are covered and it's all just emotions.
The problem with the emotions, of course, is that we can't just wish them away, and that they are *totally valid*. Really, you're paying full price (marriage and commitment) to someone who gave it away for free when there was no past to cause these hangups - *and* she admits they were better in bed.
If you can't address these feelings, they will haunt you for the rest of your marriage, maybe even drive her away. The only way I can think of to address those feelings is to maintain a phenomenal sex life with her of your own. The hormones released afterwards should be enough to bond you two and help you get past it, assuming she still has the ability to bond with one man - you'll have to judge that for yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, answerfromtheheart +, writes (25 September 2010):
 There was a guy I dated who had a very long list of sexual encounters, great wild sex, experienced women... bla bla bla. When we started going out I was freaking out that he would not find me interesting b/c I'm very traditional and really never got into the "wild" area of sex.
My difficulty with him was that he never loved anyone and to him, even in the beginning with me, sex was nothing more than just sex. I hated it, not because his size was not perfect and not because of any other reason, but only because he did not put in any emotions into the act. I wanted to break up with him a few times, but for some reason he stuck around.
And then one day it all changed. He fell in love with me, and even without the "Wild" experience every sexual experience with us was incredibly wonderful.
I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that no matter how great of a sex life she had in the past, everything changes when you love someone. It's wonderful even if it's the most typical, uninteresting, usual positions. It's the emotions that you guys share that make sex transfer into Love making which is so much better than just sex.
If you love her and you really feel that she loves you, than forget about her past. It's unimportant once you feel how wonderful it could be when you are sexually involved with a person you love rather than with a man who is just a "fuck".
I wish you good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 Well, as wierd as this might sound to some...you have to get over yourself and go with what she tells you. None of us are as good in bed as we think someone else might have been. Just be happy you have a women that enjoys sex. so many don't.
...............................
|
