A
female
age
30-35,
*andyAppleRed
writes:I have a big problem... my husband is no longer intimate with and me but yet he finds time to watch all the porn he can. I dont understand it. Am i boring him? Am i not attractive to him any more? Its making it real hard for me especially since ive got these raging hormones that need to be released! Our sexual activities would normally be 2 hours in the least maybe an hour and a half! Now we screw for 3 minutes to maybe 20 and its starting to worry me!!! I feel bad, because of his lack of performance or no performance at all. Im starting to fantasize about others..... Not in a relationship sense but sexually! Its terrible! I love my husband but im not sure were he stands...... what should i do?
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (19 September 2010):
 @ Person 12345"Like the man who blames his wife... "If it were the man on this site asking questions, I would be putting him through the same types of questions. Asking if she has become less attractive is just very quick way of narrowing down one possible source of the conflict.Additionally, if one person decides to let themself go just because the other is no prize anymore, we have a classic example of two wrongs not making a right. There is fat, and then there is *fat*, most normal men know the difference.Lastly, I would assume that if the OP wants to have more sex with her husband, he *is* a prize (at least to her).@ KandyAppleRed (hereafter referred to as KAR because that's awesome)The point you should draw here is to identify and rule out any behavior or attribute of yours that could be reducing his attraction to you, because you can only change yourself and hope he reacts positively.If you can rule out anything you are doing wrong, it may be time to see if he is stressed, or has some kind of medical issue. Otherwise, you two may just be incompatible - I doubt that, though, if you two were initally well-matched.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (18 September 2010):
 First thing, is for you to talk to him. Have you asked why he doesn't want to have sex with you any more. Have you pointed out that sex is shorter and less enjoyable. Have you told him you feel horny, rejected and lonely?
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (18 September 2010):
 Sounds like he's on a path to addiction. Porn becomes the biggest problem when either the partner lies about it or it gets in the way of a real live relationship, frequently both happen. This is not normal. As a solution if he won't admit he has a problem or even try to stop, you should try to get him into counseling. This is NOT your fault. Even if he says it's your fault, it's a frequent tactic of an addict to put blame on someone else. Try to get him into counseling.
"Have you put on weight, cut your hair, stoped wearing makeup, or stopped dressing sexily since marriage?"
Like the man who blames his wife not wearing make-up (when was the last time he put an hour daily into his appearance) not dressing sexily (cause thongs and push-up bras and heels are so comfortable) is such a catch himself? I bet most of the men who say the women are too fat are one muffin away from not being able to see their own feet (and maybe too much porn made them forget what real women look like, reminder cellulite has nothing to do with fatness and we need some fat to be fertile).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Your husband could very well have his feet on the path of addiction. If he does, it will wreck your relationship quicker than any other addiction out there. Neglecting your partners needs and being selfish are classic signs of any addiction. We cannot say from the info at hand wether or not he is addicted, but to gain a better understanding of normal use vs. Addictive use, visit a few websites. I recommend npsupport.net they have links to many other useful sites and there is always someone on the board, addict or spouse, that is willing to be of help and answer questions.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (18 September 2010):
Depends. Have you put on weight, cut your hair, stoped wearing makeup, or stopped dressing sexily since marriage? If so, he may be less attracted to you now that you're not putting effort into it. So start taking care of those things.
Did sex used to be daily (or nearly so) and take 2 hours? If so, he may simply be tired of putting that much effort into it. If you indicate that you are open to quickies, particularly on weekdays when he is tired, that might help.
He may just be very tired, or going through a hard time that he's not sharing with you. I know women prefer to be chased, but you may need to take the steps to initiate more often.
There may be other reasons for it, but those are the most likely I can think of.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010): Porn use, or even just masturbation, becomes a problem when it causes one spouse to neglect the other. You need to communicate with him and let him know your concerns -- how much it hurts you and how much you miss being with him. If you're 18-21 years old, I'm guessing you can't have been married very long. This is not a good thing to be happening so early in your marriage. It needs to be addressed. Good luck.
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