A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help getting over my ex. He just broke up with me. He was my first everything. But its my fault because I was stupid and constantly accused him of cheating when I had no reason to. I didn't clean or cook cause I didn't know how to and I wasn't getting up with my 5 month old. Im not depressed or at least I wasn't but now I am. He always blamed how he acted on me. That its my fault and maybe it was. Idk. But I feel really bad. I was trying to change. I started cleaning everyday and cooking I got up with my 5 month old every morning. He cut off my chance because he couldn't see it working. He also wants full custody of our 5 month old when I suggested we take turns ill have him a week then he can have him a week but he don't want to do that. I need help getting over him. Im hurting so bad. I didn't want it to end. I was changing. I need him. I love him so much. He was my first everything. Im in so much pain. I don't want anyone else just him. But im pretty sure he won't ever take me back.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (25 September 2010):
 You need to get some help from somewhere other than here. If you are depressed can you speak with a doctor or other health professional?
If he was demanding and had flirts and has told you he would like to "do" another girl he doesnt sound like a very stable sort of person.
You are going to have to be strong for yourself and the baby, you need to get your life in order for you and your baby. I dont like repeating myself but you need to seek some help with your depression and inability to get things done.
If he sees you getting it together building a nice clean safe home for you and your baby he might realise that a life with you is possible. But while you are not trying he will not be interested. Your future is in YOUR hands, only you can "fix" the problem.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe also was a bit demanding and had girls flirt with him all the time at work and said he thought one of his coworkers was cute and if he wasn't with me he would do her. Now im afraid he's gonna find someone else before I get the chance to show him im working on me. He went out tonight and wore his nice blue shirt and nice hat he looked very hot and sexy. Im pretty sure he's gonna try to find someone else. I really hope he doesn't cause I don't want to have lost him for good. I need him and have realized what a huge mistake I made. If given the chance I wouldn't ever let it get bad again. *sigh* im so depressed. He was my first everything. We have a kid together. How could he have loved me sooo much but yet give up on us so easily and not act upset at all about it. He can sleep like a baby. Im not that hungry anymore I can't sleep. Help me try to get over him or offer advice on how to get him back plz. Im despertet. Ill do anything to get him back.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 September 2010):
see, dont make excuses, you needed to get up straight away, the baby is only 5 months old, nobody likes to hear a baby crying, especially when the mother is asleep in bed.
Maybe your ex has gone for good, and maybe a little bit down the track you will see this as a good thing, but you must learn now to stand on your own feet, and make a life for you and your baby, no excuses, you have already stood up to being lazy, and that is good, but you must now step out on a path of self discovery and self development or you will find it is all "too hard" and will slide back down again. Thats not the way to live, not for you, or your baby.
Please seek the help you need, the sooner you start the sooner your life will change, and for the better.
Good luck to you both!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI meant I wasn't getting up right away I did hear him. I didn't do the housework cause I was lazy. But as I said I did start doing it before my ex cut me off by breaking up with me.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 September 2010):
Your life sounds like it needs a massive injection of help. Where is your nearest Salvation Army, find their phone number and tell them what you have written here.
If you werent getting up to the baby that is not good. You need to learn how to listen to the needs of your baby, also how to juggle keeping house at the same time.
If you have not had a role model to learn these skills from, you need to learn them somewhere else. The Salvation Army or other church groups should be able to give you some advise on where to go for this help.
BUT, remember, if you are only going to pretend to change, if you are going to try and kid yourself that you are changing, when in fact you are just going through the motions, not only will your baby suffer but in the long run so will you. Now is the time to get tough with yourself. The help you need will be out there, its your job to go find it and then do what is required. That way if you ex wont come back at least you will have learnt the skills you need to make sure your baby is safe, and that is your first priority.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I'm afraid you have pushed this man away from you with being to clingy. You need to prove to him over time that you have changed by keeping the place clean, cooking and only contacting him when it concerns your child. Dont worry its unlikely he will get full custody of your child so dont let this stress you out, but for now distance yourself from him maybe get a close friend to drop your child at her dads so that you have no contact with him. This is best for you and him if use dont see each other. Only time will tell if you'se can work it out right now you need to concentrate on your life with your child good luck.
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A
male
reader, Itxi  +, writes (24 September 2010):
 I'm really sorry to say this, but the chances are it's too late. I've been the guy in a similar situation, she accused me of seeing other women, she didn't do any housework etc. I could never go back to her.
But, look at what you've gained, you now have a child. Fight for the kid, not for your ex, be the best you can for that child and fight like anything to get some custody. I think that the child will also be your best way to get over the relationship, dedicate your life to raising it and believe me, it will repay you.
My Dad cheated on my Mum and left her with nothing, no house, no money, she even had to sell her flute which was a present from my grandparents. But she dedicated everything to me and my sister and not only have we both made it to university (I've graduated, she's in her second year) but now my Mother has a great job that supplies her with a house. So good things can come from this, you just need to hold yourself together, no matter how hard it may be.
http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/invictus/
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (24 September 2010):
 He probably believes that you will revert back to your old ways if he takes you back. The fact that he wants custody of his child is evidence of that - he thinks this change is temporary, and doesn't want his kid raised that way.
So, stop trying to convince him you've changed - start trying to convince him you're going to stay that way. He wants you to prove you can be a responsible mother to his child, and a more respectful wife to him.
Whether that involves being a homemaker and cooking, being more attentive to your child, or getting a job and sharing the breadwinner's load depends on you two.
I'll repeat - the fact that he wants full custody is both a sign that he cares about his child, and that he thinks you are not ready to be a mother. Not sure if you're a good mother or not, but that's his perception. So try to show him that you're ready, and that you'll be in it for the long haul.
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