A
female
age
30-35,
*oomuch stress
writes:I am desperately in need of help. I am currently 17 weeks pregnant and live with my boyfriend of over a year. We have not been doing well in our relationship and we fight daily. I am emotional and hormonal and am sure that contributes to some of the fights, but ever since I have been pregnant I have felt as if my boyfriend has emotionally signed off. He is excited about the baby and financially supports me but that is about as far as support goes. I am so emotionally stressed I cry everyday and I am very worried this will effect my baby, since it has started effecting my body already. I live in a city two hours from where my family is because i am in college and I really need that emotional support right now but leaving school is not an option. I feel as if my boyfriend does not emotionally support me and he thinks different which causes a lot of our fights. It does not help that his family that lives close to us are not supportive and have asked me about considering adoption. This is my body, and my baby and I am doing what I feel like is right. If they don't want to be supportive, that's fine. But they need to keep their negative comments to themselves and my boyfriend doesn't back me on this. He doesn't talk with them about how it stresses me out and he gets mad at me if I voice my opinion to them. Overall I am mainly concerned about my stress level and my child. Secondly, I need support and I don't know how to make my boyfriend understand that. I have sat down and calmly tried to talk to him in many different ways but nothing works. Can you please give me some advice on dealing with the stress of pregnancy and our fights and advice for what to do about my boyfriend? Please help! Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Are you seeing a midwife or doctor? I would talk to them about your mood swings they may be able to help.
A
female
reader, toomuch stress +, writes (30 September 2010):
toomuch stress is verified as being by the original poster of the question In repsonse to odds,
when i said "my baby, my body" i was referring to his family trying to convince me of adoption. I realize that it takes two people to have a child and I wasn't being naive. I was just saying that in regards to his family, although they will be the baby's family that it was my first child and really technically my choice wether I choice to keep it and that they should either be excited about that or I will raise the child without their support. I was not intending that to be directed towards my boyfriend. I want it to be a two person thing, but he hasnt been as involved as I would wish. I think he will come around though when we find out the sex and get over the shock that still lingers. I realize it's a tough situation but being hormonal I can't control how emotional I am sometimes and how irrational I think.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 September 2010):
 I'm not sure what to say to him to make him more supportive, but I think I can explain what his thought processes are. Hopefully that will help you figure out how to talk things out with him.First, in response to "This is my body, and my baby..."You should be thinking "Our baby," not *your* baby. Who's body it in shouldn't even be an issue. It's his baby too, especially if he's financially supporting you and intends to fulfill his role as a father. He needs to be an equal part in all decisions in that regard, and if this attitude is showing, it is probably what he and his family object to.Their negative comments are almost certainly intended ot be in defense of their son, and they have every right to voice those opinions. He may be happy for his kid, but he and his family both know this is not what will lead to the best possible, most prosperous future for him.Second, in response to "I have sat down and calmly tried to talk to him in many different ways but nothing works."Did talking to him include demands for more emotional support, or that he keep his family from talking to you? Did it include any instance of you telling him how things were going to be, without allowing him to change your mind? Have you asked for anything really non-specific, like "support" or "involvement?"If not, great! Keep it up. If so, well, that's a problem. To him, it will sound like vague, hormonal demands, and he will probably assume that there is no way he can ever meet those demands. So, he figures, why bother? If you made it clear that there are specific actions he can take, like holding you in his arms for half an hour one night, or words he can say, like "You look gorgeous," then made sure that doing those actions would satisfy you, he would do them.Good luck either way.
...............................
A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (30 September 2010):
I agree a lot of this will be your hormones in overdrive. Can you join an antenatal class or something where you can meet up with other pregnant people. Talking about these things with someone else who is in the same position will help a lot. I think you need to start taking some very deep breaths and actively working to clam yourself down. Your BF is never going to feel the same way as you do because he is not the one with the baby inside him so it's hard for him to understand just how you feel. Accept that his parents are unhappy and expect them to be disapproving and unhelpful and then you won't be dissapointed. Also get onto your phone company and see if you can get a deal to call your parents regularly and talk to your Mum about your feelings. Mum's always know what to say.
...............................
|
