A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I live with my boyfriend and I pay all the bills (rent utilities groceries) I have an average paying job but work extra hours for overtime, he's self employed and pays his credit card bill, and for his hobbies...hunting fishing backpacking. I moved from a different state to be together and my expenses would be about the same if I lived alone. We have lived together for more then 2 years. I've not made a big deal out of this but am now beginning to feel used, it didn't bother me at first.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Tough situation. You've already chosen to date a guy who won't carry his own weight, and paid his way for two years. That's your mistake - whatever his flaws, you chose to date him and pay for him. You could have walked out at any time, or refused to pay his way, so don't blame him for it.At the same time, dating in your 40's is pretty tough. Sad to say this may very well be the highest-quality guy you can find. If he's a good boyfriend in all other ways, you should talk to him about carrying his load - do so politely and diplomatically. Yelling or getting upset is only going to make things worse. Remain calm as you discuss it.If he's a crappy boyfriend in all aspects, not just this, well, you can dump him or learn to live with it. As I said, the dating scene will be nasty.
A
male
reader, Demoni  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Any couple is a partner ship and there are certain expenses that should remain separate and certain expenses that should be paid together. Food and most common bills should always be paid together. I know it can be difficult to talk to people about money but you need to bring this up in a non confrontational manner now because the longer you let it go on the harder it will become.Just let him know that paying for everything you share is making things too tight on you and you would like him to start contributing. If he raises a fuss point out to him that he must have had to pay bills before you got together so he should know what a large chunk they can take out of your pay-cheque and should be glad that he only has to pay half because if you leave he'll be lonely, horny and out of pocket.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Sit him down and make budget. He pays half ( and his CC & hobbies) you pay half and your own CC ( if you have one)
That would make sense to me.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Ugh when you move in with your boyfriend, you both need to split the usual bills down the middle. This means groceries, rent, utilities, cable/internet..anything that is before your time such as his credit card payments, car payments, car insurance, medical bills and funding his hobbies needs to come out of his own pocket. It shouldn't be so one sided to where you are busting your butt working overtime to pay bills that he needs to cough up half for. It's part of being in a balanced relationship. Ask him if he could start contributing to the bills you guys are supposed to share.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 September 2010):
 Maybe he isn't intentionally doing this, but it isn't fair to you. Even if you would have the same expenses living alone, you do not live alone! You are two people in the place, and all bills should be shared equally, unless something else has been agreed on. You said you were fine with this situation at first. So most likely he assumes that it is ok. Perhaps he can't afford much. But, it is okay for you to have been ok with it then, but not any longer. Have a talk with him and say that the way you split the bills are starting to bother you, and that you would like for them to be split evenly.
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