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age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Well, here's the problem. I have been with the same guy for 8 years...he's my first. we have literally done everything together and lately he hasnt been recipricating the favor....I give him oral sex regularly without question and he asks for it. I asked him why he hasnt given me any for a long time and he just said he doesn't like it....why doesn't he want to? This is so upsetting to me. I have been tested for STD's and I shave...I don't stink. It's ridiculous. I don't know what to do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2010): Some just don't like it. There is a reason why. Ask him what it is he doesn't like about it. But I agree with you ladies, don't give him oral if he doesn't do the same as to you. Simple.
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female
reader, Battista  +, writes (28 September 2010):
The answers are very interesting here. There a quite number who say that you shouldn't give any oral if you don't get any.
However, if it was the other way round- and I have seen questions on here like this asked by a man- the answers would be very different. Men are often told things such as "you shouldn't force your partner to do it if she doesn't like it" or "don't just give it in order to receive it" or "can't you enjoy doing other things instead if your partner doesn't want to give you oral."
There seems to be a real double standard which is bad. I think that all of the considerations noted above would apply to the poster here. Sex isn't just (no pun intended) tit-for-tat. It is for you both to enjoy, and that doesn't include making someone doing something they don't want to. This is the same for a man and a woman. An important part of sex is enjoying pleasuring your partner for it's own sake. Have you actually ASKED him why he has stopped going down on you? That is probably a good place to start.
For some reason on questions like this a man's feelings are completely ignored and it's all about the woman missing out. When a man complains that his wife won't go down on him he is called selfish and he shouldn't expect her to go out of her comfort zone. Why is that? I think it's a very sad state of affairs. If you want to get to the root of the problem here you need to communicate with your boyf, not just say "do it (even if you don't like it implied) or I won't go down on you." That is confrontational and selfish. Sex in a loving relationship shouldn't be like that. It is not a transaction. Be mature and actually speak to him rather than just suddenly cutting off oral. You say you don't know what to do, but have you even tried talking to him about it?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): What a surprise - the ladies give the same answer: withhold. And yet whenever the question is from a woman saying "my partner wants me do to X but I don't like it" the ladies answer "don't do anything you don't like".
What's with the double standard here, ladies????
Maybe this guy DOESN'T like it, like he says. Some guys don't. Perhaps he does like the OP and so has tried to please her but now the relationship has progressed he feels now is the time to own up and say that is something he just doesn't enjoy?
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female
reader, wee_neko  +, writes (28 September 2010):
Straight up tell him you don't think it's fair that you give him head if he doesn't reciprocate. If he has some sort of excuse try to work it out with him, but definitely make it clear that you are stopping all oral til he gets over his "dislike".
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I predict this thread will soon have hundreds of responses. IDK WTF it is with the bait-and-switch sexual favors things. Sounds a little bit like dude wants to get rid of you, what with that "literally everything" line. Some people--a lot, actually--are just takers, not givers. I suspect that it's not just a sex thing... Let me guess, he doesn't really pay attention to your feelings very much, does he? Dude probably has a very long list of unwarranted expectations about "the one" or fairy-tale rel'nships. Anyway, if your relationship is falling apart despite your efforts, you may as well torpedo the damn thing and screw his best friend.
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Maybe he doesn't know how to do it correctly and he's embarrassed, so rather than admit it to you, he just says he doesn't like it. By all means if he does go down on him, don't be all militant (Not so hard; No harder; Move faster; Do this, do that) just relax and enjoy the experience and give him lots of positive Ooohs and Aaaahs so he knows he's doing it right.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): he wont give none, he wont get none
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): I only give head to get head. that should be your answer! lol
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was checked for STD's because my mother made me get checked. IDK why.
she's crazy...overprotective.
Ok thanks ladies! I wont give him anything.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I'll (mis)quote Dan Savage: "Oral comes standard. Any model that lacks that feature should be returned to the manufacturer."On the other hand, ignore the advisors telling you to claim you don't like giving head - firstly, because you haven't said you don't like it, and second, because hurting his feelings is hardly going to make your own feelings any better.Instead, just firmly but gently explain that you want it, early on during foreplay when things are getting hot and heavy, but before your clothes are all the way off. Get him in the heat of the moment, and be sure to show him how much you enjoy it (moan, twist, etc.).If he refuses, which I find unlikely if he's done it before and you ask properly, then talk to him outside the bedroom about it. If that doesn't work, then (and only then) would I recommend you stop giving him head, too.I couldn't say what his motivation to just stop and claim not to like it really is - it could be harmless (going through a tough time), or not. Use your judgment on that, you presumably know him pretty well.
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male
reader, fordyboy +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Hang on girls. There could be something more to it than this. He sounds like a guy that has been quite happy to give you oral in the past but something has changed. He says he doesn't like it but there must be a reason why this has suddenly become the case. Have you sat down and asked what it is that he no longer likes about it. Perhaps he feels that he is not able to satisfy you with it any more and therefore feels awkwward about giving it for fear of letting you down, Perhaps you do smell down there but he is too embarrassed to tell you again for fear of hurting your feelings (I'm not saying you do, i'm just giving options/examples) Perhaps he had a bad experiance and ?pshycologiacally? he is struggling with oral sex now in his own head. After all you say you have done everything so it's not as if either of you appear to be shy. Investigate this further. Theres more to this i'm convinced
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female
reader, YouWish +, writes (28 September 2010):
 I agree! Tell him no oral unless he's able to not only perform it on you, but make you scream in ecstacy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): Why have you been checked for STD'S if he's your first?
It's no use you asking us really as we don't know what's on/in his mind.
Nobody stops something like that after years because they decide they 'don't like it', if they didn't like it, they would've stopped years ago.
If he doesn't give you oral, don't give it him! Say 'you don't like it', too.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (28 September 2010):
 Stop giving him oral, and when he asks why say you dont like it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2010): stop giving him oral if he is not prepared to give you the same pleasures
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