A
female
age
41-50,
Priyanka09
writes:Marriage in itself is one of the strongest words to exist. It comprises of a whole new chapter in your life. It brings about a change in your life which nothing else can. You have so many aspirations and dreams about the right guy for yourself. Some of those get matched, while some of those don't. But feel yourself lucky or unlucky, you do end up getting married either making some adjustments somewhere, or by probably making your dreams or wish list smaller.But what makes this "Marriage ticking",or rather what makes Marriage go on and on....as its meant to be....These are some of the tips that I have gathered from my own life experiences, heard from people...1. Please Understand, Marriage is not just about finding your dreams together, but its also about adjustments, compromises everywhere... When we get married, be prepared for everything. Marriage does bring in happiness and love, but it does also bring in adjustments and compromises. You are so used to sleeping alone on your bed,now you find sharing your bed with someone else. You will have to take care of household chores, even if you are working. You will have to take care of your spiuses parents. All these are just small examples of how your life change. Make way for these, but dont run away from these. Dont think of these as what sacrifices you are doing for your spouse, but as a special effort you are making for that someone special...who deserves it all.2. Be completely honest and Open to Each Other- When I say honest and open, I am not talking about sharing your past with your spouse. That does not make you honest or dishonest. That is your past, but your present and your future is with your spouse. Thus, you should every small little things, to bigest fears, to biggest secrets. Make sure you are open to him. By being open, you will yourself find things becoming less complicated than hiding things from each other.3. Sometimes its important to surprise each other--- Just by bringing her a flower, or leaving a card at his bedside, or leaving a small note around his toothpaste, or gifting a chocolate can do wonders....And these wonders are required at different levels to keep that spark on. Lot of people say that spark has gone....It dosent go anywhere, its just there,,, you got to light it again. You got to make efforts to feel the spark again....Give it some heat and light...4. Love each other will all your heart...Remind yourself everyday, he is the one for me. There will be days when you may find it hard convincing you still love him or her,,, but those are the days when such reassurances are most required. Just because you had a fight does not wash away the sweet, loving memories youve had with him. One bad fight does not change anything, as long as you dont let it change anything for you. Be the first to say sorry. You never lose anything sorry but you never know what you might gain from that.5. Dont forget, that your kids are important, but your husband is most important--- When your kids are young, they need your care, time everything. But when they grow up in life, they learn to live by themselves. That is when you need to rebond with your spouse if you think things have changed. I would say that your spouse is most important part of your life, and shall always be reminded so. Make sure you take out time just for your spouse...even when kids are around. Its important at times for marriage to sail through.6. Sometimes and just sometimes, givingup on your favourite things for each other is important---- I am not saying you need to live on each others sacriices. But sometimes its important to let your spouse feel his importance. If you switch off the tv even when you are watching your favourite soup to spend some quality time with him, its not actually a sacrifice. Sometimes its important to do things for each other...7. Its all about understanding """It was not his/her intention"- Lot of times we find ways to find fault in each other. But that does not help. Instead look for solutions. Look for reasons. You know he or she wont ever hurt you intentionally. Dont ever keep that out of your mind. So even if you have a big fight, or a small argument, hear him or her out. Look for reasons why he went wrong, not for faults.8. Its you and him, make it perfect- Ultimately its all upto us how to make it perfect. Sometimes just watching tv makes it perfect, sometimes cooking together, sometimes enjoying the silence together or a long drive----its completely upto you. Make sure this relationship work, Its all upto you to make it perfect.....
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male
reader, jimrich  +, writes (23 September 2010):
It's a great article.The only thing I might add is:re: Be completely honest and Open to Each Other- When I say honest and open, I am not talking about sharing your past with your spouse. ..... In my experience, our past is and was important and needed to be shared if and when appropriate - NO HIDING! Our love and acceptance of each other, gained through therapy, has given us the ability to hear and accept EVERYTHING about each other and our past. We have learned temperance and do not need to DUMP every single item of our past on each other - just those things that are important or become important as time goes by. The main thing is that we do not withhold or hide anything, including our past, from each other for whatever reason and, when asked for it, we are willing and ready to SHARE 100% whatever we have with each other in love and trust. This is a radical way of being for me = a life long 'hider and liar'."That is your past, .....IMO, the moment you become a team, relationship, couple, etc. your past is also part of the union and must be at least open for inspection by all involved - spouse, kids, close inlaws. Otherwise, you (the author) are inviting certain folks to use this as an excuse to lie and hide in the relationship and that deception will eventually damage the relationship and those involved."but your present and your future is with your spouse. Thus, you should every small little things, to bigest fears, to biggest secrets. Make sure you are open to him. By being open, you will yourself find things becoming less complicated than hiding things from each other.... And that needs to include the couples past, IMO.
A
female
reader, Priyanka09 +, writes (23 September 2010):
Priyanka09 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Yes I completely agree with you here....a very valid point!!!
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 September 2010):
 One point I'd like to add - don't, for the love of God, marry someone who is not ready to be a spouse and parent! If they aren't ready, either stick it out as lovers for the time being, or move on - don't rush things, don't try to fit some arbitrary timetable, and don't try to convince someone to take on a role they are not ready for!
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