A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi I'm a 20 year old guy who has a problem. The problem is that I cannot for the life of me get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try. EVER. I'm average looking. Not ugly by any means. Also I'm not over wait or anything either. I'm not mean or anything. Overall I would say that I'm a nice guy but not too nice. I have a nice car and a job. I treat women with respect. I stay clean and usually smell good. I feel that there is no reason why I should not have a girlfriend. Ive talked to many girls, its just Ive never made past that. I don't know what else to do. Is there some quality that puts girls off the minute they see me/talk to me. I don't know what do you think.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (26 September 2010):
 @ The anon below re: Looks
They matter, but not much, relatively speaking. Comparing how much a girl cares for a man's look to how much a man cares for a girl's - no contest.
Once a guy has the bases covered - symmetry, hygiene, not being fat, having a semblance of fashion sense - then any further effort would be better spent on social skills and confidence. A pretty girl can get away with being shy and saying very little, but a guy has to be pretty damn attractive before he can do the same.
It's just a matter of directing one's efforts where they will have the greatest effect.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): You don't say whether you have asked any of them out. If you feel shy, check first whether they have a boyfriend. Try to read the body language to say if the woman is interested. There are lots of tips on the internet about things like this, so just google it!
Good luck, and don't take it personally as there are lots of people, both men and women, who think the same thing about themselves.
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A
male
reader, nate111 +, writes (25 September 2010):
i would say to just be honest with the girl that you want a relationship with thats always worked with me worst comes to worst you get turned down but you will never know until u try
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): response to Odds answer.... ummm... since when does how a guy looks NOT matter to a girl?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Do you ASK women out or do you wait for THEM to ask you out? That's one thing you can try. The other thing is to ask a girl that you're not attracted to, but has known you for a little while, to give you her opinion on why she thinks that girls are not giving you the kind of attention you want. It might help to get some insight from a primary source.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (25 September 2010):
Fortunately, this is a problem that can be solved with effort and a willingness to take emotional risks. Let's take apart your paragraph and see what's correct, and what needs work.
"The problem is that I cannot for the life of me get a girlfriend no matter how hard I try. EVER."
Don't say you can't! That kills your confidence! You can, you just haven't yet. First thing to do is to play a numbers game - meet more girls, any way you can. There are more where they came from.
"I'm average looking. Not ugly by any means. Also I'm not over wait or anything either."
OK, looks aren't that important for guys. It's more a minimum that must be met, than a contest of who's best-looking. If you can tone up a bit, that'll do you some good, but wearing decent clothes is more important - also, a good way to ask a girl out is to get her to help you pick out a new wardrobe, if you can spare the money.
"Overall I would say that I'm a nice guy but not too nice. I have a nice car and a job. I treat women with respect."
Nice is good, respectful is good, car and job are good. Do you treat women better than guys - that is, do you refuse to discuss unpleasant or sexual topics around them, or defer to what they have to say? It comes off as too try-hard.
Treat them like an adorable but annoying little sister. They are cute and endearing to you, not goddesses to be worshipped or matriarchs to be deferred to. It's also better to make them laugh, even if it offends, than to make no impression at all.
Besides, part of giving respect is demanding it in return. Don't be afraid to confront someone who is blatantly disrespecting you, either - male or female. Girls love a guy who will unhesitatingly defend himself, even at risk of offense.
"I stay clean and usually smell good."
That puts you in the top 50% of guys your age right there. Keep it up.
"Is there some quality that puts girls off the minute they see me/talk to me."
It appears that you have good qualities, but none that stand out. Again, it's better to make a bad impression than no impression at all. You have to be willing to risk a girl's offense to move forward. Be willing to never speak to one again if you screw up.
So, ask them out the first time the thought occurs to you. Don't be afraid to touch their hand or arm, or to hug them early, or to tickle them, or to say something that makes your interest very clear - don't act like a horndog, obviously, just like a guy.
Learn to accept the feeling of rejection. There are rarely any real consequences besides your hurt feelings - and really, would you rather stay single forever but never get rejected, or get rejected one hundred times and then find the perfect girl?
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A
female
reader, SweetindianGirl +, writes (25 September 2010):
i mean how tall are you?! also, you seem to have women figured out and i think thats your problem "im mean but not too mean?!" we dont liek mean?! we like straighforward!
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