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female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me and then left me for his 1 month affair girl.He was perfect to me and i honestly don't know why he has changed this dramatically.I was never formally introduced but i heard that the mistres is 7 years younger than him, but that she has more power of him than i could have ever have had.Why am i being put through all this?
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (22 January 2011):
 Without knowing about anything specific that may have been wrong, the best guess I could make is that he figured her potential value in a relationship was greater than yours ("value" being used in an economic sense, as in "the amount of happiness I will gain for a given amount of effort").
Unless a person (guy or girl) has been raised with strict values of loyalty and commitment, they are vulnerable to being stolen away by seemingly better opportunities.
By this point in your relationship, he probably new exactly what you had to offer. Her advantage was that, since he hardly knew her, his imagination was filling in the blanks. You were competing with your actual traits against his ideal projection of her. Tough to beat.
I would ignore what others are saying about her "power" over him. It's probably just like the infatuation he felt for you at the beginning.
Not much you can do about this guy (not sure you'd want to, anyway). What you need to look for in the future is a history of respect for the concept of loyalty and self-restraint. In other words, a decent upbringing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): "He was perfect to me and i honestly don't know why he has changed this dramatically"He wasn't perfect, he used you. It doesn't sound like he changed mucheither. Cheaters are by nature opportunistic. They want what they "shouldn't have" and they have no problem moving on to a situation they feel is better than the one they are leaving...his leaving you is only a logical end in a pattern of behavior."Why am i being put through all this?"You should acknowledge some responsibility for what happened if you took him back after he cheated the first time. He obviously did not value fidelity on a personal level if he cheated repeatedly. If you thought that forgiving him and remaining loyal despite his infidelity would impress him or mean something to him, it probably didn't because he doesn't know what loyalty is.Being used and then discarded can't feel very good, but you if you acknowledge the role you played in enabling him to do these things to you, it shouldn't happen again. You can't change him, but you can change yourself.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2011): How old is this guy?, if she is 7 years younger than him, I would assume that would make him 25ish!!?? Either way, you hurt real bad right now but as life goes by you'll realise one day that it was all part of life and the learning process regarding relationships.You are very young and you're probably going to meet a lot of men before you settle for one. Its hard I know, but you need to continue to socialise with your friends etc. Things will get better, I promise, but forget about him sooner that later, hes definitley not worth it!!! BK
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