A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:What does it takes for someone (mostly women) who had a divorce or went through a bad experience to get several chances in their lives and marry once, twice or more and happened to find people who want to marry them. There are others who never find anyone who can see them for marriage or even a relationship?And I'm not talking that the girl has to be a slut to get men, but sometimes there are women who without being too beautiful or charming and outgoing find men willing to marry and make them happy and other girls are smart, outgoing, nice looking and good character and they don't seem men to take them for even a relationshiop.Is that fair?
View related questions:
divorce Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for you answers. Like the last person said, we should be grateful for what we got and not what we don't have. It just that some times we know we can do better and it feels kind of frustating to see others have the happiness we think we deserve for ourselves. That is why wonder what they do that we are not?
Guess it's a matter of luck, maybe they want to live my life and I don't know it.
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (19 January 2011):
 hi
i know what you mean, but you know what? - life isn't fair, its not fair when babies are born with terrible syndromes, its not fair when little kids get cancer, its not fair that some of us are born into affluent families while others are born into a life with nothing, not even food or water, its not fair that some of us are abused, its not fair that some of us do get married and it is to a husbands that turn out to be cruel, i could go on and on and on. don't get me wrong, i am in the same situation as you where we see other people have the relationships and they don't even appreciate what they have got and they treat their partner terribly but they are still adored by them anyway. all you can do is be thankful for what you have got, try to improve what you have got if you are able to and hope that one day 'luck' favours you :)
xx
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 January 2011):
 "this means that the "right" guy for you could be already taken even if he's not with someone who is right for him."
Does this explain why women think it's okay to sleep with a married guy? Nice to think that every else can pass judgement on a marriage. Especially with the proviso in the ceremony that states - "Those whom God has joined together; Let No One put asunder."
Glad you thought this didn't pertain to you, anonymous.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): Nope, life isn't fair.
And as he says in Forest Gump as most of us know, 'Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're gonna get.'
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I think sadly it's all about luck. Lucky enough to meet the right person at the right time i.e. when they are also single and available.
Truth is that most people are in a hurry to get married by the time they are in their 30s and 40s. So even if they are not with the "right" person they will still get married anyway.
this means that the "right" guy for you could be already taken even if he's not with someone who is right for him.
it's a sad fact of life that by the time people get to a certain age or stage in life they decide they must be married, and whomever guy or woman they are with at the time is the one they will marry (because they are also thinking the same thing) even if it's not "right."
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (17 January 2011):
Life's not fair.
Plus you do tend to get out of it what you put into it, but even then, life's not fair and nobody ever gave me a manual; even tho' a lot of touchy-feely books have been written to explain things like this. I'm a big believer in making your own luck. People tend to find partners when they stop trying so hard and are involved with the things that they find passion about, so I always recommend going back to your childhood and teenage years and remembering the things that you used to what to try or loved doing and finding groups of like-minded people in night courses or clubs. At least you will be making new friends and having fun then; and who knows?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): my grandma in late 80`s and told me something once .. think it gonna explain it all for you :) "men alike dogs . call them they comes . fear them they leave"
I like that quote from grand mama Epocket.
Wanting to get married just because you want to be married is not smart.
I understand what it is like to alone and want a companion. But I also know what happens to want a companion so much you force a relationship where none should exist and dread it and end up in a divorce.
The only thing worse than unwanted solitude is to be married to a buffoon that you can't get rid off.
Take your time and love will come to you.
...............................
A
female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (17 January 2011):
I think a lot of the time it has to do with who the women are choosing as well. Truth is, people are shallow (both men and women) so I think a lot of it has to do with getting over looks and a man's paycheck.
A lot of good looking, smart, charming women prefer to date a-holes. They're drawn to those bad boys who they think they can change but can't, so they waste their time with these men who they feel are up to their standards perhaps money-wise and looks-wise but they don't want to commit.
While other women are willing to be less picky about looks and whatever else and find a nice and caring man that wants to get married--so they can even wind up doing this multiple times.
Some women are lucky enough to find the whole package. But no one is perfect and you're never going to find exactly what you're looking for. So I think a lot of it is women being too picky and dating the wrong men. Not necessarily that they're not being picked to be married or that they're not wife-material.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): It's not just a case of being fair, as life is not fair, to expect it to be, only ensures you will lead yourself to heartache.
What I detect from your question, is the sense, that the men are doing the choosing, that you somehow get picked or not picked as the case may be, nothing to do with the woman and her choices, or whether she may just settle for someone, or perhaps she has found more men who she strikes that elusive chemistry with - there are a whole load of reasons why some women 'marry' more than others, and NOT all those reason are ones to chase after.
Also a lot of people live together in place of marrying, and of those that do, a high percentage just use it as 'step' on from dating, no life long commitment, just lets move in together. So please, look at WHY you think " other girls are smart, outgoing, nice looking and good character and they don't seem men to take them for even a relationship."
Again you come across as though the woman is being 'TAKEN' women as you describe are VERY selective, and an awful lot men don't live up to their expectations, so would they want to marry them.
Jilly
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2011): Life isn't fair but it's worth looking at why this doesn't happen for you...it's not that you are unlucky. These women you refer to may do things very differently than you to make men want to commit. Maybe you should change your dating or relationship habits, usually there is a reason. Do you tend to chase after men and give too much?
...............................
A
male
reader, EPocket  +, writes (16 January 2011):
 was it ever abt how u look like ? ... ask ur self . was it ever how the man look like ?
god made us all different in look but wisdom comes when there is SOMEONE for everyone .
my grandma in late 80`s and told me something once .. think it gonna explain it all for you :) "men alike dogs . call them they comes . fear them they leave"
as much space as U r leaving the man will get closer . but when this space goes tied with cultures or customs ... etc. when u STUDY how much space u r giving others to get closer to u or to know you :) then .. and only then things will work for u .. a nun will not get married at all and a "excuse me pls" B!TCH will be only wanted by pimps "just cause she get them more cash no more"
no one would ever question god`s justice and ask "Is that fair?" should it be fair ???
lemme tell u something :)
here in jordan . big no. of women without marriege but they r OLD . and most of them HAD AT LEAST 5 CHANCES TO GET MARRIED . but they wast it it for this reason or that .
there is always a chance . one . two . three .. ten . but only those who take there chance get along with a guy and it have nothing to do by being smart or or "lets say" ugly .
if u replayed ur life tape .. u`ll find how many chances u had . and how many chances u LOST and u will find out that u were WRONG at least ONCE . and that was ur chance
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (16 January 2011):
 Nothing's fair. Fair is an ideal we strive for but can never reach.
Besides, if you need to get married more than once, you've already failed at the first one. Marriage is supposed to be for life; if you're receiving a second proposal... something's gone wrong.
(Disclaimer: not saying all divorcees are pure evil or anything, but they *have* failed at their first one)
Some people just get lucky and meet the right other people. Doesn't matter how smart, beautiful, charming, and wonderful you are if no one you meet is looking to marry. Or, if everyone you meet is judging that this hypothetical, wonderful person would make a terrible wife, despite her good qualities (maybe they're even correct; it takes more than just being a good person to be a good wife).
Beautiful, outgoing, charming, and smart are all nice, wonderful features for a woman to have. But when it comes to marriage, absolutely nothing approaches loyalty and respect (for the guy and for yourself) in importance. Plus, the female idea of "good character" is not necessarily the same as the male idea of it. You may want to compare notes with your guy friends on that one.
...............................
|
